Dangling Carrots

Lakeview, I'll miss you...Andersonville, here I come!

2011-04-26T21:11:00.000-05:00

In less than a week, I will be moving from one great Chicago neighborhood to another. There is so much to love about this great city, that I feel it's time to move on and experience another part of it.

Now, like many of you, I'm not one who likes to move. In fact, I've stayed in my current apartment for the past five years, even though I've wanted to get a bigger place, just because the process of moving is so off-putting to me. However, for some reason I am really looking forward to this move, which tells me that I am doing the right thing.

There are plenty of things that I will miss about living in Lakeview: BYOB dinners at Joy's noodles, devouring ice cream at Bobtail, the mouth-watering soups at Soupbox, breakfasts at Stella's diner...

Okay, maybe there is plenty of FOOD that I will miss in Lakeview!

I will also miss living right next to the lakefront path, which may help or hurt my marathon training (we'll see!). I will miss martinis at Kit Kat, coffee at Intelligentsia, and the multiple friends living mere blocks away.

But, it's time for change.

I'm reminded of the great quote by Frank Herbert, "Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken."

Combining this move with the new career that I recently started, hopefully the sleeper inside of me has been awakened.

Now, I am excited for the new Andersonville establishments that I will get to become a regular at, including Marty's martinis, George's sweet shop, In Fine Spirits wine bar, M. Henry, and Hamburger Mary's.

Oh, and did I mention that I get to live so much closer to my Nate?

Yeah, I'm ready for change.

Oh, Chicago

2011-04-17T22:55:00.000-05:00

There are so many fantastic places to visit here in Chicago.

Just the other day, I had such a great experience at a particular dining establishment. So great, in fact, that I wanted to share with others how excellent of a time I had. On the flip side, I have had some pretty awful times while being out-and-about as well.

I spend a lot of time visiting various restaurants, theaters, cultural events, etc. Therefore, I have decided that Dangling Carrots will be a place where I can share my experiences with all of you. Sure, I will still offer opinions on hot topics as well, but the focus of this blog is going to change.

That's the great thing about the internet. Companies have to be on top of their game, providing quality products and consistent customer service at all times. We are all reviewers.

I promise to be very fair and open-minded, but mostly informative and opinionated!

I hope to hear your opinions as well...

Say Cheese!

2010-06-21T15:38:00.001-05:00

"Okay everyone, gather in for a picture! Ready? 1-2-say cheese! Great. Hmm....You know what? Let's do one more since Susie's eyes were closed. Ok, here we go... Good! Wait...John, stop flipping the bird to the camera. Now, one more time... "

Ah, the wonders of technology!

Ok, remember back if you can...to the days before we owned digital cameras, or had cameras on our phones.

Yeah, I know. Those were some sad times!

Who can forget when you actually had to 'pose', or prepare correctly before snapping a photo? You couldn't do three or four takes because Mom would KILL you for wasting all that film!

Yeah, that's right. You had to actually BUY film...and it wasn't cheap!

Going to the store and purchasing a 36 exposure roll of film cost you about $6 back in the day, so you better carefully plan out those pictures!

AND, you didn't have the pleasure of seeing the results immediately (unless you were using an old Polaroid instant camera). You had to just cross your fingers and hope that you didn't have a booger on your face, or weren't victim to really bad lighting!

Oh, the anticipation of waiting for Walgreens to call you up and say that your photos were ready! Then, you would rush to the store to pay for them, and open them up immediately to take a look!

Of course there were always a few photos of 'nothing,' where your finger was covering the camera lense.

But sometimes there was a nice surprise! Like, when your sister's friend decided to sneak the camera and take a pic of her boobs!

Oh...that's another thing. If you had nudity on your camera, the place that was developing the film would usually discard those specific pictures. CENSORSHIP!!! Today, we are able to take our own dirty pics and post them all over our phones and the internet if we choose!

(Yes, I admit...there was a part of me that wanted to work in a photo lab so that I could catch everyone's dirty pics as I was developing them. Hey, we didn't have the internet for our porn back then!)

Speaking of the internet, in today's society we take pictures and then immediately publish them to our facebook and twitter accounts for all of our friends to see as many times as they choose to look at them! But remember back in the day when you would develop your photos and take them around in an album, forcing your friends to look at them?

We didn't have facebook back then, so generally, people only saw your pictures that one time.

I tell ya...I love my digital camera. I can't begin to count the number of unflattering pictures I've deleted.

You: "Hey Paul, remember that picture we took standing in front of the statue? Why didn't you ever post that one?"

Me: "Oh, it didn't come out right."

In all actuality, I just hated the way I looked in it, but you don't need to know that!

Now, if they could just make a camera that does instant photo-shopping. (who knows...they actually probably already do!) THAT would be a real technological win!

Did you miss me? Danging Carrots turns 1!

2010-06-01T21:34:00.000-05:00

Hello friends, bloggers, readers!

First of all, I have to say Thanks to all of you who have left such wonderful comments, emails, and texts after my last blog posting. When I started this blog last year, I had no idea that it would turn into the beautiful community that it has become.

I know it has been a while since I last posted, and I apologize for that. I needed to take a little break...a hiatus from the blog to get some other things in order.

It wasn't that I had no inspiration to write, it's just that I have been in a different mindset. In a GOOD way!

I also apologize for not updating all of you sooner on the fact that I did find another job. In fact, I was only out of work for 3 weeks. I have been at my new place of employment for over a month now. I was very determined, and I woke up every morning, sent out my resume to MANY, many places, and it paid off! PHEW!

Other than the job, things are going well for me. Summer is within our reach! Beach volleyball starts this week. Kickball starts next week! Hooray for summer sports!

I just ran the Soldier Field 10 mile race this weekend and had my fastest time ever!

I am currently dating a great guy. He is one of the most adorable people I have ever laid eyes on. We're taking it day by day, but I'm having a lot of fun with it.

So yeah...I can't really complain right now. I am counting my blessings every day, because I know that in a heartbeat it could all be gone.

Which brings me to....

Today is the 1 Year Anniversary of Dangling Carrots!

I can't believe how fast time has flown by. Starting this writing adventure has been a great, therapeutic, wonderful journey.

I went back and read through my posts today, especially my very first posts where I was happy to get a single comment! Or, to have my page count reach 20-30 reads per day.

Thank you for letting me share my ridiculous opinions, thoughts and even some personal moments with you all.

AND...thank you for letting me take some time off. I will update more frequently because I feel like I have been away from friends.

YOU'RE THE BEST!

Paul

When Life Hands You Lemons...

2010-04-08T09:44:00.000-05:00

To begin, I apologize for the delay in posting any new blog updates recently.

Last Friday, I officially became unemployed. That's right...I lost my job.

It came as a bit of a shock to me, but for the most part I've been okay. I've been trying to keep a positive attitude and a fighter's spirit, knowing that something better is right around the corner.

I had been with my previous company for years, giving them my full dedication and lots of hard work. If this wouldn't have happened, I probably would've been a lifer and never would have tried looking elsewhere for another opportunity. Therefore, this may be a blessing in disguise!

However, waking up in the morning with nowhere to go is a bit depressing, and not my style. I feel fulfilled going into the workplace.

I can be honest here with you guys, right?

The disappointment of losing a job, mixed in with a couple more recent personal disappointments, has really led me to lay there in bed with such a heavy feeling. Thoughts of disappointment and failure are typical for anyone in my position, I'm sure.

Wondering where I went wrong, what I could've changed, and what I have learned and can grow from for next time.

But you know what? Sometimes I have to force myself to get through this. Get up, Paul! Keep moving.

I know, I know...some of you are thinking, "But Paul, it hasn't even been 2 weeks yet," which is true. However, I guess I am not like most people. I want to work. I want to feel like I am contributing.

So, I have been out there taking all the right steps. I have sent my resume out to some places, I've met with a recruiter, etc. I am determined.

Yesterday was rough for me. I woke up in a bad place. Feelings of regret and failure were heavy on me. I didn't want to search for jobs, I didn't want to keep taking the proper steps and not hear back from anyone.

I forced myself to go for a run. A long run. 13 miles, in fact. It was also raining pretty hard.

A good run has always settled me down, cleared my head. Somewhere around mile 6, I just completely lost it. It's a good thing that nobody else was out there, because I probably looked like a complete idiot, balling my eyes out like a little baby.

Like Robyn says, it's a good thing tears never show in the pouring rain!

My emotions were going crazy. I wanted to stop running, but I also wanted to prove how strong I was.

SO yes...Overall, I'm in a good place, but a bit of a fragile place.

Wow, this is all kind of hard for me to admit. I like the appearance that I am always such a strong individual! I like staying positive. Nobody likes a downer...

This old song lyric keeps coming to mind, and kind of explains where I am:

'They don't know that I go running home when I fall down.
They don't know what picks me up when no one is around.
I drop my sword and cry for just a while...
Cuz' deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child.'

Okay, now...

This morning, I got emotional for a different reason. I was overwhelmed by some of your generosity. There are so many wonderful people out there who have been very kind to me; providing me job leads, sending me information on their company's open job posts, referring me to recruiters, or just calling me everyday to make sure that I am in a good place.

The funny thing is...The people who have really reached out to me are people that I never would've expected such generosity from. Some of these people I am not even that close to. There are REALLY some good people out there!

But I have so much respect and newfound love for them. They didn't have to reach out to me, but it's nice to see that I have people on my side.

I am grateful for these new friendships, and hope to one day return the favor to them!

Thank you for letting me speak honestly, and for allowing me some time to process all of this. I will try to get back to blogging regularly.

But for now...it's back to the grind! Keeping my chin up, my hopes high, and determined to work as hard as I need to.

This story WILL have a happy ending!
Stay tuned...

I'm About to Whip Somebody's A....

2010-03-26T10:02:00.002-05:00

Happy Friday!!!!!!

We made it to the end of another week! Yes!!!

This has been a rough few days for me at work, so I decided that last night would be the perfect time to let off a little steam and go out for a little fun with some of my favorite guys!

So...the weekend is just about here and seriously couldn't come any faster!

I am visualizing a delicious margarita on the rocks with salt....

Or an Ambien...

For an accurate description of how I feel today, please see the short video below: :)

Have a great weekend!

What the..???

2010-03-25T09:36:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I was sitting at the Under55 Cafeteria having a little lunch.

I was also reading a great book at the same time, 'The Perks of Being A WallFlower' by Stephen Chbosky, so I was pretty focused on that.

All the while, my jacket was on the back of my chair.

When I was finished and was getting up to leave, I put my jacket on, zipped it up, and put my hands in my pockets.

Except...something was in there.

I pulled my hand back out, and someone had placed an empty 'Twix' candy bar wrapper in my jacket pocket!

WHAT THE...????

Ok, as much as I would have LOVED to have been the one to devour that delicious chocolate bar, I didn't.

So clearly, someone thought it would be really cute to put garbage in my pocket as I was sitting there. How rude!

And I didn't even realize it! I must've been so into that book that I wasn't paying attention.

It's a good thing I didn't leave my phone or wallet in my jacket pocket while I was having lunch!

What is wrong with people?

I mean, this wasn't really a big deal. Someone was being stupid, but nobody got hurt here.

However, This incident reminds me of a time many, many years ago when I was in elementary school. I was in 5th grade.

We had all filed into the gymnasium for a school assembly. We had to sit indian-style on the floor, with the kindergarteners in the front and the big 6th graders in the back.

I was sitting there in the last line of the 5th grade row, with the 6th graders right behind me.

All of a sudden, I felt this tug on the back of my pants, as if someone was pulling on my belt loop. Weird...but I didn't turn around or do anything.

Later, after the assembly, I realized that whoever was behind me had cut my belt loop! With a knife or something equally sharp!

I was so sad. Those were my favorite pants!!! I actually cried because my favorite jeans were ruined!!

I don't know what made me angrier: The fact that someone had the nerve to cut my belt loop, or the fact that I was too chicken to turn around and say anything while it was happening.

If it happened today, things would be MUCH different, as I would probably beat his ass!

My mom did ask me about my jeans when she was doing laundry. I didn't tell her the truth because I KNEW she would've called the school immediately and opened up a can of WHOOP-ASS on my principal!

Look...I have no idea why the Twix incident brought up this memory, but it did.

The difference here is that in elementary school, kids do things that they shouldn't but we chalk it up to 'being a child.' From what happened yesterday, that is just plain immaturity and stupidity!

At least they could've put the Twix wrapper in my pocket with one of the bars still uneaten...as a gift for me! I mean...that would be the polite thing to do, right?

Celebrating Y'all!

2010-03-24T10:15:00.002-05:00

Hey Hey!!!

I am very excited about today's blog post! Because I get to talk about people that I LOVE!

God, we are such RIDICULOUS people sometimes! I am so lucky and so blessed that I am able to have such wonderful people in my life

AND today I am going to celebrate some of those SILLY, OUTRAGEOUS times we've had. Damn, we do a lot of silly, stupid stuff!

From costume parties to funky, coordinated outfits, we ROCK!

I just want to say thank you so much for being there for me when I've needed you most, and that I am extremely happy that you are in my life!

Thug Photo shoot!

Deadra's delivering!

Care Bears in da house!!!

Destiny's Child has nothing on us!

80s Roller Party!

Doppelgangers!

I'm the boss!!!

Douchebag Party!

What??? Did we just dominate at Dodgeball?

Every pic should be taken from this view!

Team Diabetes! - 2009 Flip Cup CHAMPIONS!

Did someone say WHOPPER?

Ugly Sweater Party! Or...Justin's everyday outfit!

FIERCE Jacket, Paul!

TROLLEY!

Justin, don't flip the raft, fatass!

Ravinia! Carrie Underwood? Yes, please!

Oh, silly!

The Deadra!

Another Photo Shoot? On a slide? Ok!

Mikey & me!

Drunken train rides!

My baby James!

It's a good thing I only weigh 98 lbs!

After show!

Oh God...where are we?

SERIOUSLY, I LOVE YOU ALL!

Always a Party!!!

2010-03-22T09:45:00.000-05:00

Woo Child!

Yesterday, 26,000 of us here in Chicago decided to get up early on a chilly, chilly Sunday morning and freeze our patooties off in order to run the 2010 Shamrock Shuffle!

What.....an experience!

For those of you that do not know, the Sham Shuff is an 8K race (5 miles) that is considered the kick-off to the Chicago running season.

It's also another excuse for runner's to have a little fun and do what we do!

I set a goal for the 2010 running season, to have a personal best in every race that I run this year, no matter if it kills me, or if I have to puke once I cross the finish line!

Well, I started off on a good note! Yesterday, I managed to achieve a Personal Best in this race.

Not only a personal best...but I OBLITERATED my previous best time by 2 and a half minutes.

Honestly...I have NO IDEA where that came from!

I managed to finish the Shuffle in a time of 32 minutes 11 seconds!

This averages out to 6:26 minute/mile. What the????

I guess all that training over the winter, outdoors in the cold & indoors on the dumb treadmill, has paid off!

So, of course I treated myself to a huge Chipotle burrito last night! AND...chips & guacamole!!!

Overall, I came in 471st out of about 26,000 runners. (Top 1.8%)

This kind of blows my mind, to realize that out of all these runners in Chicago, I am somehow in the top 500 fastest for a 5 mile race.

But you know...even though I try to run as fast as possible, it's also just as fun for me to see people sign up to run this race for the first time ever; or people who just strive to push themselves to complete the entire thing without walking at all.

Some people just do this to raise money for charity...and I love that!!

I also like getting to share a beer with all of them once the race is done! PARTY TIME!!!

What...a cast of characters!

2011 anyone???

Friday, I'm in Love!

2010-03-19T09:37:00.009-05:00

Hello and HAPPY FRIDAY to you!

Finally! Friday, I thought you'd never make it, but WELCOME!!!

Aren't you all excited that Spring is just around the corner? After a long winter, I am looking forward to some better weather soon.

Speaking of Spring, one of the annual kickoffs to spring here in Chicago is the Shamrock Shuffle, which is an 8K race (5 miles) that will be taking place on Sunday morning.

...And will I be running it?

Does your catholic priest like little boys? Duh, of course I will be!

I am going to try to beat last year's time of 34:56 (6:59 min/mile).

I came in 587th overall (out of 13,399 finishers!)

Ok, I'll stop tooting my own horn now. However, my goal is to finish at least one second faster than last year. :)

Which means that I won't be going out this weekend, and will have to fight the temptation of gorging myself with Doritos, and stop myself from eating the entire jar of Peanut Butter out of sheer boredom!!!
-----------------

Also speaking of Spring...

The annual March Madness college basketball tournament is under way! This is the first year in 'God knows how long' that I didn't fill out a bracket. Time just got away from me...

But to tell you the truth, I'm sort of glad that I didn't!

You see, I tend to root for the underdogs!...and by not filling out the bracket, I got to enjoy some nice surprise wins by Ohio and Murray State without having to worry about yanking my hair out as my bracket gets jacked up!

I did pick a Final Four though. My pics are: Kansas, Kentucky, Kansas State, and Villanova.

Hmm...we'll see how i do! Who did y'all pick?
-------------------

Thank you to everyone for your comments on my post about getting a Kindle or not!

From the sound of it, those of you who have an e-reader prefer the Barnes & Noble Nook, so I will definitely go there and play around with one.

Those of you who don't have one sound like you really just don't want one, which I completely understand as well!
------------------

Did any of you see Ke$ha perform on American Idol? What...the hell was that hot mess????

Look, I wrote a post about her a couple of weeks ago, saying that her music has become a guilty pleasure of mine...and yes, I stand by that. Those songs are infectious!

However, I kind of find her to be repulsive, and trying too hard to be 'different or 'shocking.'
So basically, I like her songs, but am over her!
----------------------

And finally, I want to give a nice shout out to one of my fellow bloggers, Michael Rivers! I am very grateful to have gotten to know him a little through the blogosphere and am very happy that I can call him a pal of mine!

Please check out his blog here.

Have a GREAT WEEKEND everyone!

Falling For You...

2010-03-18T10:40:00.002-05:00

I don't know, but I think I may be falling for you.

Maybe I should keep this to myself; waiting 'til I know you better.

I am trying not to tell you, but I want to...
I'm scared of what you'll say so I'm hiding what I'm feeling, but I'm tired of holding this inside my head.

I've been spending all my time just thinking about you. I don't know what to do, I think I'm falling for you.
---------

OKAY!...Many of you have already recognized that these are the lyrics to "Falling For You" by singer Colbie Caillat (or as I like to call her, Cafe Au Lait... he he!)

This beautiful song is like a sunny day to me!

In fact, Colbie's music in general is like SUNSHINE! So relaxing, so peaceful, so nice...

This particular song randomly came on my ipod this morning and made me smile hard on the inside. :)

NL

Don't you just LOVE when that happens? What a great way to start the day!

I remember the first time I fell in love with Chipotle burritos. Ahhh, what a day!

I have also fallen hard for Coldstone Creamery, The Real Housewives on Bravo, the singer 'P!nk'...

Taco Bell, the Motorola Droid, 3 Musketeers bars...

True love, I'm telling you, True love!
...and the list can continue for days!

I know, I'm being silly now.
But seriously: What would I want to say to someone, a real person, that I fall hard for?

Well, i would just say that...

I know that there are soooo many other guys out there who are better looking, make more money, have nicer things...
I hope that you will never need more than I am able to offer you.
However, having said that, I will always try to give you the very best of me.

From past experience, I know the pain of betrayal, and the hurt of not being able to trust someone. Because I know these emotions well, I will go out of my way to make sure you never have to feel them.

I will always be where I say I will be.

I know that honesty is the most imporant thing. I will be as honest with you as I possibly can.

Oh brother, I got serious there for a minute didn't I?!

Thank you, readers and fellow bloggers for allowing me to have a reflective, meaningful moment here on the blog.

Now, for a nice treat to your day please enjoy the lovely vocal stylings of Colbie Caillat. Have a great Thursday!

To Kindle or Not to Kindle...

2010-03-17T09:30:00.001-05:00

I am torn, y'all!

For months now, I have been debating whether or not it would be beneficial for me to purchase one of these fancy Electronic Book Reader devices.

It's not often that I ask anything of you lovely readers, so offer me a little help here!

I am someone that you would call the 'late-early' buyer. I am rarely the person living on the edge, waiting in a 7 hour line for the release of a new product!

I still like to get in pretty early, but I sort of wait safely until a new version comes out that has fixed all the bugs of the first version.

However, I did buy my Motorola Droid phone within the month of its release. That was a first for me, but I LOVE this darn phone!

These Kindles (and similar devices) sure do look neat, but it is hardly a necessity for me.

As someone who reads a lot more these days than I used to, I feel like it would be great to have one. In other ways, I feel like it would just be another costly item that I can add to my collection of gadgets that I carry around with me on a daily basis!

There was a woman sitting next to me on the train yesterday who was reading from hers. It seemed like she had to keep clicking buttons and adjusting her case/cover.

Is it really that much of a hassle?

I guess I'd have to play around with one.

They would definitely be good for traveling, right? Instead of lugging around a book or two, this would be a great way to carry novels. Except, that I don't really travel THAT often. Hmmm...

Can any of you help? Do they run on batteries? Could you potentially be in a situation where you are somewhere and the battery runs out?
Or, do you have to charge it like an ipod or cell phone?

I hope not because my house is running out of available outlets! Eeeesh

I hear that the books don't cost too much, with many of them being under $10. There are also free books you can buy? Hmm....now my interest is really peaked.

I can't imagine curling up in a blanket on a rainy day with a cup of coffee and a e-reader. It just doesn't have the same visual for me as curling up with a book in my hands.

Oh well...

So, I guess I am PLEADING for your advice! Do any of you own one? If so, do you recommend?

If you don't own one, do you want it? If you do not, then why?

I will wait patiently for your responses while I chow down on this delicious bag of M&M's. Thank you. :)

Who's Your Paddy?

2010-03-15T09:09:00.001-05:00

Oh, St. Pat's...

There is nothing better than a chance to get together with about 60 of your closest friends, and spend the entire day enjoying good drinks, crazy times, and stories that you won't ever forget!

For the 6th year running, we kept up the tradition of Pub Crawling it all over the city of Chicago!

In a SCARY looking bus!

Sure, over time the people who attend may change, but the event only gets bigger and better.

And at the core, we are all family!

The day started off at my apartment, where Zach, Steve, Rob and I made green eggs & ham for breakfast, enjoyed green mimosas, and just got off to a SILLY start.

As the day continued, we all realized that this was a day that we wouldn't forget anytime soon!

AND...This year, I managed to keep my clothes on for the majority of the day!!!

Next year, I hope that you will join us! The more the merrier!

So, until next year...enjoy these pics!

Hey You, Your Headphones Suck!

2010-03-11T10:16:00.000-06:00

No matter how good of a person I try to be, there always seems to be someone who will come along and TRY MY PATIENCE!

Breathe, Paul Benjamin, Breathe...

So, this morning I was riding the bus to work and sure enough...A Trixie gets on the bus and sits nearby with her headphones blaring!

There's always gotta be one, right?

It's annoying whenever it happens, but it is especially annoying on the morning commute. Most people are very quiet in the morning, either reading the paper or listening to gentle music on their ipods.

So when an obnoxious girl gets on the bus and selfishly blares her music, it's quite the jolt!

I have never hit a woman in my life, but if i were to start....!!!!

Seriously, people were giving her dirty, dirty looks. Of course, she looked oblivious to it all, with those huge sunglasses on that covered her entire face!

And the worst part? It was TERRIBLE music!
Oh yeah, it was some gross stuff. I could hear it clear as day, like someone was actually playing a radio!

I wanted to say something to her so bad, but decided, "Let it go, Paul. It's not worth it..."

Well...

To get to work, I can take 1 of 4 different buses that go past my house. The bus I took this morning requires me to get off and then walk about 10 minutes to the office...OR, I could walk a block and transfer to a different bus to take me to the office.

This is a popular practice. The funny thing is, this girl did the same thing!

So naturally, when we were the only two people at the bus stop waiting to transfer, I decided to say something to her.

Yeah, that's right...I did it.

I looked at her and said with a friendly, approachable smile, "Excuse me...You really need to get better headphones."

She looked befuddled.

"Either that, or you are just incredibly rude. But I'm sure it's just your bad headphones..."

I'm still keeping it very light and friendly, hoping that this gets the point across.

I'm guessing she didn't care, as she looked away from me with an angry, scrunched face.

She never looked back at me.

I think she got the hint, though...

Going Bankrupt!!!

2010-03-10T09:54:00.001-06:00

Listen up, y'all!

If you live in Illinois and pay any attention to what is going on, then you don't need me to tell you that we are in DIRE STRAITS!

We are going broke!

It's seriously bad. SO bad that I am going to need a Lipitor prescription!

Today, Governor Pat Quinn is giving a speech to announce his budget proposal which calls for $2.2 billion dollars in cuts, as well as borrowing $5 billion. Eeesh!

Desperate times call for desperate measures!

As of now, he isn't going to include a tax increase, and as you know that is a ~~nearly impossible~~ TOUGH thing for a Democratic governor to do! Dems usually want to tax more for more government programs.

I hope it works. Otherwise, what are we going to do?

Well, I have a wonderful idea. I wish that Illinois, and the city of Chicago would jump up and embrace video gaming!...And not just video gaming, but controlled gambling all together!

Now, I know: Some of you out there think this is a terrible idea. Allowing legalized gambling will lead to many more social problems, people will start wasting away their paychecks, become gambling addicts, etc.

Yes, some of that is true. However, as grown adults that is a decision that you would need to make. 'Can I control myself? No?' Then don't gamble.

At least 95% of adults are able to gamble without trouble.

Personally, I am not much of a gambler. I work way too hard to go out and blow my hard-earned money on a roulette wheel!

Sure, I do play the MegaMillions lottery here and there, but I stop at $1.

For a state like Illinois, gambling can bring in SO MUCH more needed $$. The Commission on Government Forecasting and Accountability estimated that up to $475 million could be spent on video gambling machines here in Chicago if the city would allow them.

$475 MILLION! That's a lot of Benjamins!

Come on Mayor Daley, Wisen up!

Can you imagine how much money the state would also make if we built a nice casino or two? Make it a destination stop with restaurants and hotels. Heck, maybe we can even build a theater for our own Jennifer Hudson to perform in and hold a residency!

OR, How about a Riverboat adventure? We can do it right off of Navy Pier.
Put in a Buffet and I will be there, stuffing my face!!!

Seriously, Illinois...it's time to start thinking outside the box! We need some cash!

Some People are already gambling and betting illegally already. Others are hopping over to Indiana to spend their dough!

Illinois, you could be profiting from this!
So come on, I can't solve the state's financial problems all by myself here!

Katie.

2010-03-09T09:44:00.000-06:00

My dearest Katie...You are amazing to me!

Who is Katie, you may ask? (No, that isn't her in the pic. However, this girl could pass for her sister!)

Katie is a Spin class instructor who I had previously taken for granted, but will NOT make the mistake of underappreciating again!

I drug my fat butt into my first Spin class at LA Fitness back in December.

Good ol' Katie was the instructor, and she was hardcore! I made it through the class, but got QUITE the workout! At one point, I had to backoff for a second or I thought FOR SURE I would've passed out!

And this is coming from someone who runs marathons!

I hadn't taken a spin class before this in years! And it was at the local YMCA where I used to live, with a bunch of really old people...so the class naturally wasn't that difficult.

But Katie! You rocked my world!

She isn't the friendliest person, and hardly ever smiles, but she will make you work off that Chipotle burrito you had for lunch!

When you walk into her class, you don't get warm fuzzies and a kind hello. You instantly feel a "Get on a bike and let's go!" attitude.

At first, this was a little offputting to me.

I even told my buddy Matt (who also spins at my gym) that I didn't really like Katie, and wanted to try out some of the other instructors.

However, it seemed like everytime I was able to attend a spin class, she was the instructor. I guess I was stuck with her.

But last Thursday night, I was at the gym doing a little weight-training. Then, when I was about to start doing some cardio, I looked into the Spin studio and saw some people getting ready for a class.

Hmmm...weird. My gym never had a Thursday night spin class. This must be new. And look, there is a different instructor!

Awesome! So, I walked into the studio, plopped onto a bike and was ready to go!

Ok, the new instructor looked like she was in her 40s, and was the stereotypical workout instructor from the 80s, with the track jacket and the headband (think Sue Sylvester from Glee!)

But here's where the class went wrong: With Katie I am used to starting the resistance on my bike around gear 7, and work up to gear 20. This lady wanted us to start off at 1 and we never got over gear 12!

Oh, I get it...this must be a beginner class that I stumbled into.

That's fine. I'll get a small workout. Well...then about 10 minutes in, I hadn't even worked up the smallest bead of sweat yet, and she stopped on her bike, frantically was toweling off and drinking ferociously from her water bottle.

I guess the class was too difficult for her.

I looked around to make sure I wasn't the only one who noticed, and everyone else also looked befuddled, like they were in the wrong class!

Here's another funny...This lady talked so fast! I mean REALLY fast, that I could hardly understand anything she was saying, or what we were doing next. And she was from the 'old school fitness' era where the instructor felt like she had to talk through every second of the entire class: "Ok, breathe through your nose, inhale, don't stiffen your knees, go hard, you can do it, don't forget to exhale, a little farther now, you got it, let your body speak to you, drink water if you need it, you can do it..."

Hey lady, shut the f*ck up for a moment, would you?

And she would say, "Ok, we are going to sprint this out for 20 seconds. Ready? Go," and then would proceed to count it down. EXCEPT, that 20 seconds would turn into about 6 seconds. "20....10-9-8-you got it....3-2-1...ok, back to flat road..."

Huh? I just got up to maximum sprinting speed. Whatever...

At the end of the class, I looked down at the stats on the bike, and I ended up burning under 400 calories, in an hour! Usually, in Katie's class I burn close to 700!

So Katie, I am sorry that I ever doubted you! Having gone back to your class yesterday, and being able to challenge myself like I enjoy, was excellent! Thank you!

It is SO worth it to almost kill myself in your class.

You never have to smile at me. You never even have to say hello or acknowledge that I'm there. Just keep working me hard, and I will continue to love you.

And The Oscar Goes To...

2010-03-05T09:45:00.001-06:00

Happy Friday! WE MADE IT!!!!

We also made it to the end of another Awards season, with the Academy Awards this Sunday night.

Phew!

I always watch the Oscars, and usually am a fan...this year especially because I've actually seen many of the nominated films! So, I will feel like I somehow had a part in the winner's glory. :)

I've seen Avatar, The Blind Side, Up in the Air, Precious, Up, Invictus, Inglorious Bastards, and Julie & Julia

Maybe I need to run out on Saturday and watch a couple more before the big night on sunday!

However, by the time the Oscar's actually are broadcast, there is no suspense left. We pretty much know who the big award winners are going to be...thanks to the SAG awards, the Golden Globes, the Critics Choice Awards, and many, many others.

But millions of people still watch anyway! I guess there is something nice about seeing the front-runners actually being coronated.

Either that, or it's just another great excuse to throw a fun theme party for all your friends!

Plus, there are stars galore, so its kind of fun to watch just for that.

Personally, one of my favorite films of the year, 'Brothers,' was not nominated. I think it's a shame! Also, I LOVED 'Invictus,' and thought that it should've received a Best Pic nom.

Oh well...what do I know, right?

One thing I DO know: There is no reason for us, the viewers, to have to sit through certain categories such as 'Best Documentary Short' or 'Sound Mixing.'

Usually, this is the time of the night when we all flip through the channels, go make a sandwich, or take our Boniva.

Yes, these nominees are very bright, and good at what they do, but do we really have to bore ourselves with this?

Nobody would tune in to a nationally televised program, watching me win 'Employee of the Month' at my office. People just don't care!

Film critic Richard Roeper says it best: "When you're watching people you've never heard of thanking more people you've never heard of for helping them to create a work you've never seen, that's not exactly the recipe for riveting television."

Truth!

Why they don't give out these awards at an earlier ceremony is one of the great mysteries to me.

Sort of like how American Idol makes the contestants who were just kicked off sing the song that sucked so bad, that got them eliminated in the first place! WE DON'T CARE TO SEE IT!

But I have no pull...

So, wherever you are on Sunday night, and whoever you are with, I hope you enjoy the Oscars.

...and when you get bored during the droning middle-section of the program, feel free to visit 'Dangling Carrots' and read through all the past ~~amazing gems of writing!~~ blog postings.

You're Welcome.

The Cafeteria.

2010-03-04T10:01:00.000-06:00

Hello!

As Queen Oprah refers to it, yesterday I had one of those 'A-Ha' moments.

And of all places, it happened in the lunch cafeteria!

There is a building a couple of blocks from where I work that has a large cafeteria-style restaurant in the bottom level, where you can get a wide variety of foods to eat: Everything from mexican, to italian, a deli, sushi, a grill, etc...

I had just gotten my delicious Chicken Quesadilla that I couldn't wait to ~~devour~~ eat at a reasonable pace. :)

It was unusually busy for some reason, and the lines to the cash registers were much longer.

So I patiently waited...

But while I was waiting, I was noticing all of the different people in line in front of me. Some were business professionals, dressed to the 9's in suits and skirts. Others looked like students, who were dressed in track pants and pullovers. Then there were the 'normal' folks in jeans.

These are people from all walks of life.

After paying for my food, I sat down at a table, but couldn't help to still look around and people watch.

That's when it hit me... The cafeteria is the Great Equalizer.

   *A man in a snazzy suit is no better here than a kid in baggy jeans and a t-shirt.

   *It doesn't matter how much money you have; We all still have to wait in that darn line!

   *Seating is 1st come, 1st served. There is no VIP lunch section.

   *No one is Republican. No one is Democrat.

   *Women, Gays, & Minorites get treated equally here.

   *We all eat pizza. We all eat ice cream. At the core, we are all the same!

For a few moments of our day, we are all equal...and I like it!

Can you imagine if we could carry this mentality over to the rest of our days/lives?

We'd be living in a damn Utopia!

Dancing With the HOTTIES!!!

2010-03-03T10:02:00.000-06:00

I've never really been a HUGE fan of Dancing With the Stars, but I do admit that on occasion I have watched the show and found it thoroughly entertaining.

Mostly, because I like to laugh at the ridiculously bad co-host Samantha Harris! I'm sure they kept her on for comedic value!

However, the celebrity cast has now been revealed for this upcoming season, and I am definitely adding this to my regular TiVo scheduling!

Sure, these still aren't the biggest 'celebrities' in the world, but at least the majority of them are somewhat intriguing!

...and GORGEOUS!

I mean, have you seen this cast yet???

I mean, really... Erin Andrews??? The Bachelor Jake? A Sexy Pussycat Doll? Evan "GOLD MEDAL" Lysacek!!!

Heck, even Kate Gosselin looks like a real movie star now with those extensions!

Although, it is even more fun to see beautiful people who CAN'T dance! :)

Let's see which of these delicious 'Dames and Dons' have two left feet.

Also, this cast has SHANNON DOHERTY!!!

I can't wait to see her get tested and a little angry. Watch out...she might CUT A BITCH!

She also has a history of quitting & leaving shows that she has been on. I wonder if she will stick around long enough to get voted off!

On another note, is it really fair that Nicole Scherzinger gets to be on this show???

I mean...she is already a professional dancer, right? Isn't she a Pussycat Doll??? Don't they have a show that runs in Las Vegas or something?

Hmmm.....

If I had to pick a winner for this season, I will go with Evan Lysacek!

Fresh from winning the gold medal, and the hearts of many Americans, he is definitely a front runner. Plus, Olympic athletes always seem to do well on this show.

They know their bodies well!

My prediction for Final 3: Evan Lysacek, Nicole Scherzinger, and hmmm.... Chad Ochocinco?

Bring on the dancing!

When the Neighbor Sees You Naked...

2010-03-02T10:31:00.001-06:00

You think I would've learned my lesson!

A few years ago, I had an incident where I opened up my front door to grab my morning paper, and right as I opened the door the paper delivery guy showed up.

The only problem was...I was nude!

So, after that major uncomfortableness I vowed that I would at least put on a pair of underwear when I open the door to grab the paper!

I did okay for a while... but as time went by, I got a little lazy again.

You see, my apartment is all the way at the end of a hall, back in a corner where there is only a couple of neighbors who could possibly see me.

One neighbor works as a teacher, so he is up and gone WAY before I even wake up. The other neighbor is a girl at the end of the other side of the hall who I rarely ever see.

Well...she saw me this morning. ALL of me! :)

This is sort of what has turned into a morning routine: I turn the water on to the shower, but in order to give it a few seconds to warm up, I go to the front door and grab the Chicago Sun-Times.

It's a quick little grab of the paper and then back into the apartment I go!

Well, as luck would have it, my female neighbor was in the hallway and got to see me standing there in all my glory.

Oops...

So, I just smiled and said, "Good Morning!"

She was amazing. She didn't even bat an eye, or blush. She looked at me back and said, "Well, good morning to you too!" and continued down the hall.

Eeesh!

Oh well...I guess I don't really care, and as long as she didn't, then all is fine!

Good, because having to break this morning ritual would suck!

Getting a Craigslist Missed Connection

2010-03-01T10:04:00.002-06:00

Hello to you!

It's Monday morning, which means back to work for many of us! Don't worry; there's only 5 days 'til the weekend! He he...

Speaking of the weekend, I had a very nice one. I got to spend time on Friday night having dinner with a pal at a restaurant called Uncommon Ground, and the food was delicious!

We then met up with friends, including one of my favorite people ever, Rey, who was visiting from Tampa. I sure do miss you buddy, and would love for you to move back to the Chi!

Saturday night was excellent too! I attended the annual CMSA party, which is the league that I play football, dodgeball, volleyball & kickball through.

Fun all around!

However, in the midst of all this fun, I was caught!

This morning, I woke up to 2 emails from friends, both of who had forwarded me a link to Craigslist, where I was the subject of a Craigslist Missed Connection.

What? ME???

Of course I am flattered. Don't we all secretly hope that someone out there finds us interesting enough to actually put a Craigslist ad out?

Although, the posting was confusing. I am not really sure if the person is trying to be cute & funny, or a little mean-spirited...

Here is the Post:

To the person who is trying to steal my life - 22 (everywhere i go)

Give it back. You are a pretty cute guy with little star tattoos above your elbows on both arms. You know who you are. It has recently come to my attention that we often take the same bus, work in the same building and hence ride the same elevators, and work out at the same gym. Not only that, but I went out twice this weekend, to Sidetrack and Jackhammer, and you were at both places both nights. You should either stop taking my life, or maybe we could just actually meet each other so it wouldn't be so awkward. I was planning to talk to you at Jackhammer but then you seemed to be fairly engrossed...

There is no doubt about it, the person was descriptive enough that he was certainly referring to me.

However, I cannot think of a single person that I have seen who rides my bus AND works in my office building AND goes to my gym. ???

Maybe I need to open my eyes a little wider!

I wouldn't put it past one of my friends to be playing a joke on me! But the only people I can think of who would do this, weren't with me this entire weekend. Hmmm...

Well, this is what I would say, if I was going to answer the ad:

I would start by saying Thanks for calling me a 'pretty cute' guy, i guess. I mean, it would've been nicer if he had left the word 'pretty' off and just thought I was overall cute...but it's better than being called hideous!

I would also say that I promise I am not trying to take your life, I swear! However, if we have so much in common, and show up at the same places, then I would say that your life probably isn't so bad. I would consider negotiating a trade-off!

Especially since you are 22 years old! I would LOVE the chance to go back and relive some of those fun years!

Now, for the next couple of days, I will probably be on the lookout, naturally!

I tell ya...it's hard being in demand, y'all! :)

One More Year...

2010-02-26T09:53:00.001-06:00

Well, i did it...

I went ahead and re-signed my lease, in order to stay in my same apartment for another year.

I was thinking about moving out, but if I moved then I would REALLY miss the Ghost in my apartment who I have grown to love so much!

It would be like breaking up with a lover!

I was tempted to move...so, I made a list of pros and cons. The 'Pros' won.

First of all, i absolutely hate moving! I spent so many years of my life moving from place to place, that it feels good to finally be in the same location for a while.

I've been in my apartment for a few years now, and was considering moving, in order to get a little bit bigger or nicer place.

However, my leasing company sweetened the deal by NOT raising my rent! This is the first time my rent won't be going up since i moved there. When I saw that on the lease, I pretty much peed my pants in shock!

I ran to grab a Boniva as fast as possible!

Also, I have been so busy with work and life lately, that I sort of just let time fly by, and didn't get a chance to really look around for a new place.

So...one more year it is!

Casper (my ghost) would miss me too much. I mean, who else would I get to fondle me in the middle of the night?!

I'm fine with this decision, as I am pretty comfortable where I am. I like the neighborhood, I like the building management, and the apartment has everything that I need for my lifestyle.

I've never really had to deal with loud neighbors, or other apartment-living annoyances, so it will be ok.

I do remember about a year ago, the guy who lived who below me had a tendency to sing.

Sing LOUD.

Yeah, i had to stomp on the floor a couple of times, but then he got the hint! :)

Which reminds me of this great little video:

Enjoy!

Rough Days, Y'all!

2010-02-25T09:29:00.000-06:00

Ooh, I am tellin' you...the last couple of days have been BRUTAL!

I rarely ever talk about work on this blog, but I have had some rough days at work lately. Without going into too much boring detail, I have been worked to the bone! My spirit has been rather low, but hopefully things will improve soon.

You know how it is in this economy: Less people are required to do much more work, and it is exhausting!

Yes, I am very grateful to have a job, so I don't want this to seem like I am complaining, but I sure hope that the economy improves enough soon that we can all stop killing ourselves in the workplace!

So what can I do for a little more calmness in my life?

Well...

By following simple advice heard on the Oprah show, you too can find inner peace.

Dr. Oz proclaimed, 'The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.'

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house today, I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Tequila, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my Boniva prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now!

:)

I have to give thanks to my amazing Co-worker Anna, for letting me vent and never telling me to shut-up! And for sending me this super funny joke yesterday when I needed it the most!

Here's to a better rest of the week...

Weekend, hurry the F up!

Oh, Tanith!

2010-02-23T10:19:00.001-06:00

Thank you, Tanith Belbin!

I had no idea that she was so damn popular!

For those of you faithful 'Dangling Carrot'ers, you know that last Friday I posted about the Olympics starting, and I included a photo of Ice Dancing couple Tanith & Belbin.

Well, Geez Louise!...In the last few days, my blog statistics have gone through the roof!

I mean, here I thought that you all were just so fascinated with my amazing writing skills, and my clever wittiness that you were continually coming back for more.

It turns out, that y'all were just Google-searching for Tanith!

Yes, it's true.

While looking at my keyword-search activity, hundreds & hundreds of people have been linked to my blog because they were looking for the blonde, American beauty.

Tanith Belbin.

(Just had to write her name again; If it brings more people here, then I will keep saying it!)

TANITH BELBIN! (Shameless, Paul Benjamin, Shameless!)

So, I decided to enter her name into Google myself, and sure enough...my little 'ol blog came up as the 3rd entry.

Me and Google, we are tight! We're like besties now!

So even though Ice Dancing is now over (thank God...it feels like it lasted for an entire week!), and Tanith & Belbin did not win a medal (coming in 4th overall), it appears as if she has not lost any popularity!

The team has talked about possibly retiring from figure skating. If so, then Tanith could go on to modeling, or acting.

Or, she could parlay this into a successful career as a Hooter's girl, I'm sure!

Does the Elevator 'Close Door' Button actually work?

2010-02-22T10:13:00.000-06:00

Oh, stop teasing me!

Yeah, I'm talking about you, special button on the elevator that stares at me, inviting me to press you, yet to be FOOLED by you once again!

After multiple attempts in my life to close elevator doors, I have come to the conclusion that the 'Close Door' button does not actually work.

NEVER ONCE have I experienced a CD button that actually began the process of shutting the door.

Yet, in my quest to get where I am going faster, I fall for it's little game; deceiving me into thinking that I am in control!

Grrrr....

Patience, Paul, patience!

You would think that I would just give up and stop pressing the darn thing, right? However, in the back of my mind...oh, who am i kidding....in the FRONT of my mind there is always the "What if?"

What if it actually works this time???

You know the situation: You get in the elevator, and hear your Boss coming from down the hall. You know that you have been procrastinating hardcore on getting that report/project done and do not want to have the uncomfortable conversation. Close Doors, Close Doors, press harder, again, again, press!

Or this: You get in the elevator, but reeeaaaallly have to pass gas. So, you assess the situation and decide that it is safe to Fart away!

Then...you hear footsteps. DAMN! Close Doors, Close Doors, press harder, again, again, press!

I dont know.

Clearly, associated learning didn't work too well with me! I need my own version of a Pavlov's Dog experiment.

However, until that button starts actually 'shocking' me to dissuade me from touching it, I will probably always fall for the 'close door' button's evil scheme!

EVAN!!!!!!

2010-02-19T09:03:00.002-06:00

Another Great Friday!!!

Good morning! I hope you all were able to watch America's new Golden Boy, Evan Lysacek, win the gold medal in Men's Figure Skating last night.

He is Chicagoland's very own, and he did us proud!

Speaking of Olympics, today at work, my department will be competing in our own Olympics competitions!

I am ready! I've stretched, I'm doing breathing exercises, and I am ready to bring home a medal!

Today's events include:

*Office Chair Rowboat Push*

*Mouse Curling*

*Trashcan Basketball Relay - Flip cup Style*

*Rubberband target shooting*

*Paperclip Chaining*

*Softrax Ping Pong*

I will try to do the Dangling Carrots community proud! I'm especially excited to see how my rubberband shooting skills are!

It's a good thing Evan doesn't work with me, or I wouldn't stand a chance!

I will keep you posted...

However, the important thing here is...Whether I win or lose in these events, I am still a winner due to the fact that I am having CHIPOTLE for lunch!

YUM! Don't tease me!!!
_________________________

On a final note today, My Remote control works!!!

For those of you who read yesterday's post, and have sent comments, tweets, or emails...YES, my remote control is OK!

I think it just needed to thaw out.

But THANK GOODNESS, because then I wouldn't have been able to turn on the TV and watch Evan bring home the medal! Phew!

I hope you all have an amazing weekend! Now, bring on the Chipotle burrito!!!

Where Is That F@#*!ng Remote Control!???

2010-02-18T09:23:00.002-06:00

I swear to God, I'm losing my mind!

I came home last night around 10:30pm after having a delicious dinner with a buddy of mine, and in order to wind down before bed, I thought I would watch a little television.

I sat down on the couch and reached forward to the coffee table where I normally place the remote control.

Oh...it wasn't there!

Hmm, where did I place that?

So, I start looking on the couch, on the floor around the couch, and then in between the couch cushions...

Nothing.

What the heck? So, i get up. Walk over to the kitchen area...maybe I placed it on the counter? Nope.

Did I possibly put it in my Work bag, as I was getting it ready for the morning? Nope.

Well, I did take my contacts out. Maybe I took it into the bathroom with me? Nope.

What the F?

I know, I know...I had one of those crazy moments that you only see on TV, where I took something out of the fridge and placed the remote in there, right?

Still nothing...

It HAS to be somewhere! I just used it earlier in the evening. Either it grew legs and walked away, or the ghost in my apartment is playing games on me!

I walked back and forth throughout my apartment 4 times, and still nothing. I was getting to the point where I was going to have to start tearing apart my home.

God forbid I actually walk over to the television set and turn it on manually!!!

Hmmm...maybe I should just walk down to Radio Shack and buy a new one?
Damn...they're closed!

I was determined to find this darn remote control. I thought, "If I don't show up to work in the morning, it's because I am still searching for it!" Which might actually make me insane...

Frustrated, I decided to just turn on some light music, and fall asleep to that...

Guess what?

I woke up this morning, and was ready for some frozen Aunt Jamima pancakes. :)

I opened the freezer, and BAM! There is the remote, sitting peacefully next to the ice cube trays.

Damn! I checked the fridge, but not the freezer? Oh brother...

I realize now that I must've placed the remote in there when I was getting out the tub of Ben & Jerry's last night, which I stuffed my face with!

Just another random, idiotic moment to add to the growing tally...!

Unfortunately, when I tried turning my TV on, the remote didn't work. I am hoping that it just needs to thaw out.

Otherwise, I will be making that trip to Radio Shack after all!

Okay Ke$ha...I Give In!

2010-02-17T09:55:00.003-06:00

'There ain't no scene in the VIP for me.
So you can take your class, shake your ass and drown in that martini!'

Wow, Ke$ha...You know my thoughts so well!

I admit, I didn't want to like Ke$ha.

From the get go, I saw how she spelled her name and thought, "Oh brother...another gimmick."

However, I'm always looking for new music to run to, and when I heard her catchy song 'Tik Tok,' I knew that this would be a good one.

Turns out I was right!

So, I checked out the rest of the album and can't. stop. listening! I guess good music always wins out.

If you like good, danceable, infectious pop music, then you must check her out too!

She's unapologetically trashy...and I find it quite refreshing!

It's nice to hear something other than pop stars/rap stars bragging about their bling or their latest designer shoes!

Anyone who knows me, understands that I am not a huge fan of the whole "velvet rope", V.I.P. scene to begin with.

Sure, it's fun on occasion, with the right friends...but give me a corner bar, a beer, some good rock n' roll music, and great friends...and I am good to go all night!

I don't need to show everyone that I am better than them, and I am not a fan of creating the illusion that I have more money than them...or have it all together! Plus, I want to be approachable, as the best part of going out is meeting new, fun people!

I could see myself hanging out with Ke$ha and having a great time, hangin' with the common folk, dancing the night away!

So...

I realize that she's probably an acquired taste, and isn't for everyone.

However, I have a whole new album of great running music!

The song below is called, "Take It Off" and it's definitely my new jam!
Enjoy!

My other favorite jam: "Your Love Is My Drug"

How do we REMEMBER all of this???

2010-02-16T09:51:00.015-06:00

Yesterday at work, I was walking down the hallway to go to the restroom. (Yes...Unlike many of you, I actually had to go to work yesterday!)
Grrrr!

When I arrived at the bathroom door, I froze.

What the hell is the combination to get into the bathroom???

I stood there for a moment, looking at the numbered buttons on the electronic door lock. I have put that combination in hundreds of times before, yet I completely blanked out.

Ugh...

So, I started walking back down the hall, in order to retreive the combo from my desk. But then, when I stopped 'thinking' about it, the combo came to me.

Yay! Now I can pee!

It's nice to know that I'm actually smart when I turn my brain off!

But really, aren't we asked to remember WAY too much?

This same thing has happened to me before while standing at the ATM. For the life of me, due to a momentary lapse I couldn't remember my PIN number!

And then there's the Password that I must enter in order to log into my work computer. Once logged in, I have 5 different passwords for the various software programs that I must use on a daily basis!

I try to make them all the same, but then inevitably, one of the programs will tell me that my 'password is about to expire.'

NO! Then I have to choose something else and completely complicate my life!!!

On top of that, I have a password to log in to my email, one for facebook, twitter, etc... Basically, every website I use!

Some require that i use a combination of a symbol, a capital letter, a number, etc.
I know it's all in the name of security, but why you gotta make my life so difficult???

Throw in...

*My gym locker combination*

*The password to access my voicemail on my phone*

*My social security number*

I'm like a damn Genius!
THANK BUDDHA that I don't have to remember anyone's phone numbers anymore. Thank you, phone technology!

Look...I had to call up RCN, my cable company, a few weeks ago to discuss an internet issue. When I called, the representative who answered the phone asked me for my password.

"My what?"
"Sir, your RCN password...so that I can access your account."
"Umm...do I even have one?"
"Yes, it should've been created when you signed up for service with us."
"That was 4 years ago! You expect me to remember that?"
"Sir, would you like me to reset it for you?"
"Sure. But I warn you...I will most likely forget this one too!"

Everyone needs a password these days!

At this point, I SOMEHOW manage to remember all of this. Hopefully, my memory will hold up as I get older!

Now, if you'll excuse me...I have to pee. WAIT, what's that combo again???

The Facebook Relationship...and Break-up!

2010-02-15T09:55:00.001-06:00

Good morning. Happy new week to you all!

For those of you in loving relationships, I hope you had the most AH-mazing Valentine's Day possible, and have fallen even deeper in love with each other!

For those of you who spent the day 'Single,' then I wish for you to find great love throughout the next year, whether that be with a mate, amazing friends, or yourself!

However...If you do find 'The One' this year, then PLEASE let me caution you against something that I see all too often:

The Facebook Relationship...and Breakup!

I am specifically talking about the couples that play out their entire courtship online for all to see.

Now, don't get me wrong. I understand! You are with that person who not only knocks your socks off, but also washes/dries/and folds them!

You want the world to know that you are in a relationship with this person. Go ahead, gurl! That is wonderful. Change your relationship status to: In a Relationship.

And if for some reason, things don't work out down the road, then you will inevitably change your status back to 'single.'

That is not what I am talking about here...

Over the weekend, I noticed that an acquaintance of mine had recently changed his status back to 'single,' and I have to admit...something inside of me wanted to laugh.

I know, I know...that sounds mean, and I wish him the best, I really do. However, he had been in a relationship for the past few months, and I swear to God...I felt like I was in the relationship with them!

It was taxing, let me tell you!

Every single Facebook status update went something like this:

"My adorable boyfriend made me dinner tonight. I love you, boo!"

"Enjoying a relaxing morning, cuddling with the love of my life."

"Having a bowl of cereal that my baby went to the kitchen and got for me!"

"Taking a dump while my sweetie pie is taking a shower..."

Ok, the last one, I was being a tad facetious!

These status updates are not god-awful when they stand alone...it's just that they happen ~~too f*cking often!~~ all day long. And it's apparent that this guy has lost any life of his own, apart from his other half!

Also, every picture that they uploaded daily was just of the 2 of them. On their daily walk, at a nice cafe. Hugging, kissing... SO IN LOVE!!!

I'm happy for you, and glad that you're in love, but please stop making me want to Barf at your overwhelming joy.

Then...it happened.

While looking at my news feed a couple days ago, I saw it and will admit that I froze for a moment in shock:

"________ went from being 'in a relationship' to 'single.'"

What??? What happened? I thought you were SO in love?
If I read correctly, that was the person you were going to spend the rest of your life with!

And then I chuckled.

I'm sure in the next few weeks, there is a possibility that the status will change from 'single' to 'it's complicated', then to 'in a relationship,' back to 'it's complicated' again, and repeat...

You know you've seen it!

Look...I want to know that you are happy, and in a relationship. Just be smart about how you publish things. I hope you are not declaring your undying love to someone that you have been together with for a mere few months. Give it a little time! Get stable, yo!

On a last note...If you ARE breaking up with someone, MAKE SURE you are the first to change that status back to 'single!' Otherwise, you may look like you are the one still desperately clinging on...or didn't see the breakup coming! :)

What? The Olympics start Tonight???

2010-02-12T09:18:00.001-06:00

Umm...did you realize that the 2010 Winter Olympics begin tonight?

Yes it's true! It snuck up on us out of NOWHERE...like a child predator at a playground. BAM! There it is!

I guess I knew it was coming, but where has all the publicity been? I've barely heard anything about it?

Could it be because I live in Chicago, and because our city's 2016 summer Olympic bid was SHOT DOWN, that our media here said "F*ck it?"

OR...is it just that there really isn't much excitement? Hmmm...

Don't get me wrong: I LOVE me some Olympic games!
BUT...I hardly know any of the athletes!

Where is Michelle Kwan? Nancy Kerrigan???

Come on Michael Phelps! Couldn't you learn how to Bobsled to help out Team USA????

And where's the scandal?
What? No crobar to the legs of Belbin & Agosto???

Well, I understand...
It's hard to be excited for sports that you rarely see on TV and you never hear the names of the athletes.

But it doesn't really matter! As long as Team USA has elite athletes competing for medals, I will be glued to the TV. I don't care if I've never heard your name before, or if you came from the smallest city in Idaho and have been training for the Luge since the age of 4!

If you are a competitor for the Gold, I will be cheering you on!

Ok, here's who I do know:

Apollo Anton Ohno - speed skater (and Dancing w/ the Stars champ!)   Do us proud, yo!

Bode Miller - Skier (and my crush!)   Stay away from the alcohol til' your event is over!

Shaun White - Snowboarder (and red head) Rock on, dude!

Lindsey Vonn - Skier   Stop getting injured!

Shani Davis - speed skater (and hothead!) Keep calm!

Evan Lysacek - figure skater (straight guy, believe it or not...)

TEAM USA HOCKEY! - featuring the Chicago Blackhawks very own superstar, PATRICK KANE! WOO HOO HOO!!!

Excellent! Now let's bring home some Gold medals, USA!
With all this excitement...I'm going to need a Lipitor!

Quote THIS!

2010-02-11T09:16:00.001-06:00

Have you ever felt something so strongly, but just could not find the words to express what you feel?

Then...all of a sudden you read a quote that NAILS it! Perfecto!

That's why I like quotes. I read, memorize and collect quotes from intellectual, influential people. A good quote has the ability to make you think, self-reflect and inspire!

It's OK to allow yourself to feel something sometimes, y'all!
Go ahead, try it!

So, let me share with you a few quotes that I have found lately, that really made an impact on lil' ol' me!

Enjoy!

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

"In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, buy how many moments took your breath away." - Shing Xiong

"Always put yourself in the other person's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts that person too." - Unknown

"The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes their way." - Unknown

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken, and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs. You just have to live life to the fullest. Tell someone what they mean to you, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love, and most of all: Live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

EARTHQUAKE!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-02-10T09:13:00.000-06:00

So, this morning Northern Illinois woke up Rockin' and Rollin' to a lovely little Earthquake!

WOH!

However, it happened at 4 in the morning, while most of us were Zzzzzzzzzzing away. Damn, I didn't even get the chance to feel it!

I did wake up around 4:30am though, but I'm sure it had nothing to do with the earthquake. I tend to wake up 2-3 times during the night on a regular basis. So, I decided to watch last night's HILARIOUS Chelsea Lately until I fell back asleep!

But of course, I come to work and there is ALWAYS that one person who proclaims, "Oh, Yes i felt it! It woke me up! It practically knocked me out of my bed! Ahhhhh!"

Please.

Gimme a break. You live in my neighborhood here in Chicago. It happened around DeKalb, IL which is about an hour away...and the magnitude was only 3.8 on the Richter Scale.

If you felt anything, it wasn't THAT scary. Don't make me doubt everything you have ever said to me for as long as I've known you!!!

Grrr!

Now, DeKalb is my hometown. In fact, that is where my parents currently reside. I spent all of Junior high and High School there.

SO, for all of my old high school friends, or anyone else who lives in DeKalb, IL...Did you feel it?

I called my mom this morning, who lives right in the middle of it all, to make sure that all is OK. She said that there was no way that you couldn't feel it!

My mother has an excuse to be frightened though, as she is legally blind. I can't even imagine how it would feel to be woken up by the earth shaking, and not being able to see what is happening around you!

I would need a Boniva to calm me down!

Well...at least there are no reports of major injuries or deaths!

Now, can I get something (or someone) to come along and make me feel the earth move under my feet?!? Please???

Smile for the Camera!

2010-02-09T09:57:00.000-06:00

Sometimes, I can be so stupid!

Last night, I was riding the train home from work, and I saw a guy standing at the door who had clearly just come from the gym.

He was wearing a long white dressy coat, with a pair of shorts and tennis shoes.

It looked a little silly, but nothing too crazy. However, something in my head said, "This might make a funny photo for my excellent friend David's blog, R.O.C.K. on the CTA!

***R.O.C.K. on the CTA is a blog dedicated to the people who ride the public transportation system here in Chicago. Some photos are ridiculous, some are just nice to look at, and some are just plain funny! Check it out!***

Anyway...

I decide to pull out my phone and take a picture of this guy, so I can submit it to David.

Now, I don't generally think of my phone as a camera, as I rarely ever use it as such. I have a digital camera, so the only time I take pics with my phone is on those rare occasions where I want to capture a moment while out with friends (and I didn't bring along my camera!)

SO...I hold the phone up, trying to look inconspicuous, like I am just looking through my text messages or something.

I line up the photo just right. Ooh, this is going to be a good pic!

I click the button and OH CRAP!

The damn flash goes off!

SH!T, SH!T, SH!T!!!

Clearly, everyone is now looking at me! I'm sure they are all wondering what kind of lunatic stalker I am. I can feel their eyes burning judgement and condemnation through me!

And the guy in the white coat & gym shorts is glaring at me, like WTF!

That damn camera flash! How could I be so dumb to forget that my camera flash would go off?!?!

Eek! So I am sitting there, trying to play it cool, like I was just taking a random photo of the train poles or something, but I sense the awkwardness all around.

The guy in the white coat is still looking at me, like he wants to say something. In my head, I'm thinking of excuses of how I could explain myself. I could say something like, "Oh, i just really liked that coat...and want to see if I can find it online..." Ugh!

I decided to do what came naturally to me: I hightailed it off the train at the next stop!

Sure, it MAY have been cold out. And sure, the Chicago Transit Authority MAY have just cut services, so I would be waiting for the next train for about 15-20 minutes...but this option sure beat sitting there in that highly uncomfortable situation.

And the worst part of all...the pic turned out sloppy, as I didn't even capture the guy's face.

Damn flash!

Total Eclipse of the Heart...Literally!

2010-02-08T10:00:00.000-06:00

I have a bit of a cold. Ugh...

It sucks that a pesky cold has the ability to slow you down! One minute, you are moving full speed ahead, and then the next minute, you have to take a step back and remind yourself that you are still human.

Gotta take care of yourself, y'all!

Sometimes, it's important to tell myself to slow down and stop trying to take on too many things.

Oh well...

This weekend was really fun. However, not getting much sleep is probably what contributed to me feeling so run down.

On Saturday, our fun friends from Milwaukee came to see us. We had a wonderful time with them!

Before heading out for a night on the town, we played a game called "Mafia," which is a game where you win by either being a member of the Mafia and killing off everyone in the room before they guess it's you, or being a regular civilian and discovering who the mafia is before they 'off' you!

So much fun. I was Mafia twice, and I successfully won both of those rounds! WOO!

Hmmm...Kinda scares me a bit though, that I am so good at manipulating a group of people.

What...a killer instinct!

So...

I have to share this ridiculous video with you all!

My friend Jeremy over at Hawking the Scene introduced me to Literal Videos. If you go on youtube and search for "literal videos" you will find some funny clips of ridiculous music videos, except the lyrics have been changed to reflect what is happening in the video...literally!

After watching a few of these, my favorite is the "Total Eclipse of the Heart" video. I hope you find it as awesomely amazing as I did!

Enjoy!

What...a Happy Friday!

2010-02-05T09:23:00.005-06:00

Hello and Happy Friday to you all!

I was so tired this morning, I walked into Dunkin' Donuts and ordered a coffee.

The clerk said, "Would you like your coffee black?"
I said, "What other colors do you have?"

He he he....

OKAY! First of all, Congratulations to my most excellent dodgeball team, The Mighty CHUCKS!

We won both matches last night, with a record of 12-2. WOO!

Grip those balls, Eric!

Now, if I tell you a story, promise not to cry...

I love the members of my dodgeball team very much.

Last night, I was talking to Casey, and by chance I touched his hand.

Later, he touched my hand.

What...a touching story!!!

-------------------------------------

On a serious note, I want to say THANK YOU to all of you who are following my blog. I really appreciate the fact that you come by daily, weekly, or whenever you get a chance to read my silly thoughts!

Dangling Carrots has officially now hit over 40,000 unique visitors. You're the best!

Look, Here's 'The Situation'...

2010-02-04T09:10:00.000-06:00

The word is forever tainted!

As I was sitting at work yesterday, I overheard a co-worker talking on the phone. At one point she said, "Look, here's the situation..."

Immediately, the FIRST thing that came to mind was the Six pack ab muscles that belong to Mike "The Situation" from Jersey Shore!

WHAT????

A few days ago, I was walking home from the train, listening to my ipod, and the excellent pop ditty "Damaged" by Danity Kane started playing.

Ooh...that song is one of my Jams!

Within seconds, this lyric was being sung:

"I tried every remedy but nothing seems to work for me
Baby, baby this situation's driving me crazy"

What did I immediately think about?

Those damn six-pack abs!!!

Look...He is one smart cookie! Giving himself a nickname that is actually pretty clever, and then using it on national television? You have to hand it to this guy!

Admit it. You know that you think of him too whenever you hear 'the situation.' I wonder how long this will last...

Somehow, the cast of the Jersey Shore has fist-pumped it's way into our lives!

Now, there are reports that Mike is in the process of trademarking his nickname.
That's a tall task, but good luck to him.

Who needs real names when you can call yourself 'JWoww' or 'Snookie'?

I'm going to start going by the nickname, "P-Dangler"

No?

"I'm Only Having ONE Drink Tonight..."

2010-02-03T09:32:00.005-06:00

Don't lie! At some point in your life, you've spoken this phrase as well:

"I'm only going out for a drink or two tonight."

Maybe you have an early morning; or perhaps haven't been feeling too well. Or maybe you are just trying to be responsible!

Well, last night I decided to meet up with a couple of my best friends, Rich & Justin (shown in the pic to the right), for our regularly scheduled Martini night!

My intention was to go and have a couple of drinks, spend some "quality" moments with the guys, and then head home at a decent hour.

Now, for those of you who don't know the Kit Kat Lounge here in Chicago, they have a plethora of different martinis on their menu. AND...if you go on a Tuesday or Sunday night, they are only $5.

That's right! I said FIVE dollars.

Martini's on Clearance!

Which is DANGEROUS! (even though I'm sure they use cheap, cheap vodka on these nights!) But I was determined to stay strong tonight.

So, we order our first round. I get the Coconut Cream Pie martini, which is a thicker drink, thinking it would sustain me longer.

Nope...it was like dessert. Gulp, gulp...gone.

Clearly, I had to order another one almost immediately!

About 45 minutes into our stay, our exquisite friend Zach (see photo) sends a text, saying he is on his way. He shows up shortly after, and because of my excitement to see a new pal, I think this calls for another drink!

I ordered the 'Flirtini,' which is a champagne cocktail with pineapple, and other good stuff. However, when the drink arrived, it tasted so different this time. I looked at Justin and said, "oh, i don't think they made this right..."

But of course I kept sipping on it! haha...

Then finally the manager walks over and said, "I'm sorry...I believe we may have given you the wrong martini..."

Umm, does the Pope hate gay people? Duh! Of course you did...

So, they delivered a brand new drink to me. It was like getting 2 for 1!

Right as I was beginning to think that I should wrap things up to head home...in walks the excellent duo of Chris and Jamon! (see pic, minus the one with boobs, of course!)

Yay! more friends!!!

I think this calls for another...(I am losing count at this point)...round!

We all drank, chatted, laughed, got caught up with each other, and had a great time.

(My head may have been spinning a little, and my eyesight a little blurry...and my words 'potentially' slurring.)

So...even though my intention was to drink sensibly last night, and I actually didn't get home until closer to 1am on a school night (!), these are the nights with friends that you will always remember. So no regrets!

And hey...I woke up with NO headache this morning, and even got to work early!

Which means I'm NOT an alcoholic, right?....

It's Voting Day, Y'all!

2010-02-02T10:07:00.001-06:00

My father used to tell me, "You are not allowed to complain about our politicians if you don't exercise your right to vote!"

Oh dad... You silly goose!

But you know what? He has a point!...and I have followed true to this statement since I legally was able to step into a voting booth. It's basically saying, "If you don't like it, get off your tail and DO SOMETHING about it!", which I am a firm believer in!

Today is Primary election voting day here in Illinois, and as many of you know, Illinois has become sort of a National political joke.

With good ol' ex-Governor Rod Blagojevich being ousted from office, and former Gov. George Ryan currently sitting in prison (eesh!), we don't have the best track record here...

Even in today's paper, news broke that a former city alderman plead guilty to corruption charges of taking bribes from a developer.

God help our state!

This is why it is very important to get out there and vote! We need to clean up this RIDICULOUSNESS!

But please don't vote blindly! Educate yourselves first.

My personal opinion is if it seems like Nothing is getting done, then VOTE 'EM ALL OUT! Vote new blood in!

Now...

I never said that voting is a pleasant experience. I merely said it was important.

This morning, I walked the block and a half to my designated polling place. I enter the room, and immediately face Eight ~~old, and I mean OLD~~ elderly people staring back at me, sitting at 2 long tables.

Not one person said a word to me. There really wasn't a line...so i just stood there. Finally, i said, "Ummm...Where do i start?" They all still just looked at me.

Come on, election judges. Get it together!

Finally one of the gentlemen speaks up, "Step over," in a tone as if my presence annoyed him. Well, apparently I was bothering him, because when I told him my address, he barked, "You're in the wrong place." I'm thinking, the wrong place? I know I just checked my voter card right before leaving my house.

"You're supposed to be at the other table over there."

Oh brother... Can I just vote already?

In the meantime, the other 7 election judges are just staring at me. Awkward!!!

So, I step the three steps over to where I was supposed to be. As the guy is looking through his book of registered voters, turning the pages at a snail's pace, I see him pass by my name a couple of times, but let it go...trying to be patient, knowing that he will eventually find it.

Seriously, about 2 minutes later, I finally stop him and point, "That's me right there!" STOP

He hands the card to the lady sitting next to him, who literally takes the card and hands it to the guy next to her. Wow, that is a real important job! What would they have done without her showing up today!

Then, he proceeds to ask me, "Would you like a paper ballot, or an electronic one?"

Well, considering that I just saw how much time it took for him to explain the electronic balloting to the citizen ahead of me, I immediately said, "Paper! I'll take the paper ballot!" Yes, I've done this before, so you don't have to explain it!

So there you have it...

I performed my civic duty, y'all! It wasn't pretty, but I did it!

AND, I feel good about it.

Now, I hope you do yours too...

Milwaukee Fun! Oh...and Pink ruled the Grammys!

2010-02-01T10:10:00.003-06:00

I spent the weekend in Milwaukee with some of my besties! Sometimes it's nice to get away from your normal environment, even if only for a day or two.

Eric, Nate, Johnny, Topher and I decided to escape the Chicago cold for...the even colder Milwaukee.

But we had a blast!

Apparently, I was so excited that I proclaimed, "The cheaps are drinker here!" And that was even before any alcohol touched my lips!

We ate at the fantastic 'La Fuente' mexican restaurant, which had excellent margaritas, and then proceeded to go out to the bars, where we danced the night away!

In fact, Johnny was even involved in a danceoff....and of course he won!

The people were friendly and the drinks were flowing. Can't wait for our next trip guys!

On another note: Registration for the 2010 Chicago Marathon opened today, and naturally, I have already registered. This will be my 3rd one, as I clearly am a glutton for punishment!

If you are planning on running it, let me know! I love to keep connected to fellow runners, as it pushes me along and inspires me. If you have ever thought about doing it, I urge you to sign up. Do it quickly though, before the field is full and registration closes. Let the training begin!

Finally, I watched the Grammy awards last night, and I have to say that this was probably one of the WORST shows they have ever put on!

There were barely any awards handed out (9 awards in 3 and 1/2 hours???) Many of the performances looked like they were just thrown together (Jamie Foxx, Drake, Lil Wayne, Taylor Swift!...shame on you!)

The real saving grace of the show, and the spotlight moment of the night, was the absolutely amazing Pink!

Breathtaking doesn't even begin to describe her performance. When I come up with a better word for it, I will let you know.

She wasn't the big award winner, but she stole the damn show by giving an acrobatic performance that was classy, yet exciting!

If Pink can sing, do all that, and STILL sound incredible, then nobody has an excuse to lip sync EVER AGAIN!

A performance with 50 backup dancers couldn't compare to her alone on the stage.

Unfortunately, this morning, the reviews of last night's show include her, but they give her a mere blurb. It is sad that we live in a society where the media can talk endlessly about the disastrous mess of a performance given a couple of months ago by Adam Lambert, but barely give a sentence or two to the brilliant display of artistry that Pink gave us.

Oh well... Pink, you rocked it! Thanks for that performance.

More pics of the fun Milwaukee weekend:

Air Force Amy

2010-01-29T09:55:00.000-06:00

Happy Friday to you all!

This actually made me laugh out loud!

In case you haven't seen this...

"I'm Just Keeping It Real..."

2010-01-28T10:00:00.000-06:00

You know you've all heard it!

Somewhere along the way in society, we have become permissive and accepting to the "I'm just being real" person.

This is the guy or girl who claims to be "real" and says whatever they feel, whenever they feel...with no consideration for who their words may be affecting.

For example:

"I'm sorry if she started crying when I called her fat, but I'm just speaking the truth. I'm just being real!"

Well, guess what...
It may be the truth...but you don't have to say it out loud.

You may be 'just keeping it real,' but you are also a complete Asshole!

Seriously. Nobody asked your opinion. Show some class. Have some couth!

If you look up to, and aspire to be like Kanye West, then you are probably a complete jackass.

I think that is all that needs to be said on this topic.

Be kind. Be polite.

"The tongue is like a sharp knife. It kills without drawing blood" - Buddha

Get a Pic, you weirdo!

2010-01-27T09:42:00.002-06:00

So, this weekend I had to say goodbye to 2 of my closest friends in the entire world, Ryan & Stephen (See their amazingness in the picture!)

I am going to miss them dearly as they are heading to Amsterdam for the next great adventure of their lives. I guess I can't hate on them for that. Hopefully they have the best time ever, but a part of me wants them to return back to Chicago as soon as they realize how much they miss me! :)
We love you guys!

Anyway...

On Sunday, a bunch of us spent the day together hanging out at our favorite local bar, Scarlet. While we were there, I saw so many people that I haven't seen in a while. It was nice to get caught up.

There was one person in particular who was in attendance, and I will call him "Doug."

Doug and I are acquaintances, and have known each other for about 3 years now. I went up to him, gave him a hug, and told him it was nice to see him again. His response to me was somewhat cold.

"Why did you delete me from facebook?" he asked.

"What? I didn't delete you." I mean...as I thought about it, I don't remember seeing his status updates for a while, so as I was standing there I thought maybe it was he who got rid of me.

You all know those people who 'clean house' on facebook...deleting friends in a mass execution, and then put their status as "If you can see this, then you survived my friend cutting!"

I just don't do that. If I added you in the first place, then I probably want you to be there. Why would I risk our friendship, or acquaintanceship, over hurting your feelings by deleting you? One day, we both may regret it.

However, I HAVE taken liberty to use the 'Hide" button. There are some people that can annoy the piss out of me. It's not that I don't want to be pals with them anymore, I just think they can be quite ridiculous!

Now that this blog readership has grown, it is normal for me to get friend requests from many of you who read this. Sure, if I recognize you from your comments or emails, then yes I will add you too. (and some of you are HILARIOUS, so I'm glad that I did!)

BUT...the one thing that I NEVER do is add someone without a picture of themselves. It's just weird! Get a pic already!

If you don't have a picture, then it makes me wonder 1) If you are real, 2) What you are trying to hide, and 3) If you are going to spam me for the rest of my life!

I have even rejected people that I know pretty well for not having a picture.

So back to "Doug" at the bar...he says that I deleted him. I told him that if that was true, that it must've been a fluke, or a FB error, because I can't see myself doing that.

Then, of course I went home and searched for him. His name was not coming up though. I just couldn't find him.

Weird...

So, I sent a text to a friend, "Hey, are you friends on facebook with "Doug?"

He responded, "Yes, but he isn't under his name. His fb name is "_____." (It's a totally made up name in order to be funny, and I know if i tell you exactly, y'all will go search for him!)

WTF? Ok, so he is trying to be cutesy. Whatever. So, i search that ridiculous name and get a result.

However, the profile pic is of a woman holding a baby under a tree.

Umm....

Doug is right. Then I probably deleted him.

Prank Calls, R.I.P...

2010-01-26T09:40:00.001-06:00

Piggybacking off of yesterday's hilarious blog post (hee hee!), there is one amazing benefit that those of us 'over-30 year olds' got to experience in our lifetime...

The Prank Phone Call!

I do feel a bit sorry for the kids growing up today, as they will never get to fully experience the amazingness of it!

In today's world, where everyone has a cell phone, clearly you see every number that is calling you.

But boy, oh boy...did we have fun back in the day!

Remember disguising your voice to try to make your prepubescent tone sound much older, and then asking a random neighbor if their refrigerator is running? And when they said 'yes,' you responded with, "Well, then you better go catch it!"?

Ahhhhh, memories...

Some people were a little more cruel with their prank calls. I remember being at a friend's house for a sleepover, and one of the more 'rebellious' kids among us decided that it would be fun to order a pizza for the neighbors across the street.

We would then spy ever-so-carefully out the window, watching the pizza guy walk up to their door, only to see their shocked faces: "We didn't order any pizza!"

Oh brother...

So many varieties:
You could whisper in an eery, soft tone.
You could just randomly keep calling and then hanging up on people.
You could pretend to be from a radio station, telling them they won a prize!

Prank calls worked SO well back then, before we had Caller ID, because you had NO CLUE who was calling you. The element of surprise made people automatically answer their phones! (you know...if by chance your bookie WAS calling, you needed to pick that phone up!)

One of the most amazing calls my friends and I ever made occurred late on a weekend night. We just picked a random phone number out of the phone book, (eesh...remember when phone books where also a necessity...WAY before the internet) Anyway...

We picked a random number from the phone book. First, I would call and say, "Hello is Stacy home?"
"No, I think you have the wrong number..."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you sure? Is this 555-1234?"
"Yes, but there is nobody here by the name of Stacy."
"I apologize. Have a good evening."

Then, 10 minutes later, another one of us (a girl this time...so that the voice is clearly different) would call: "Hi, is Stacy home?"
And the same conversation would take place, although this time the person we called was a little more annoyed. "No, There is no Stacy here...are you sure you have the right number???"

Another 10 minutes would pass and a 3rd friend would call back and ask for Stacy. By now, the person on the other end is irritated. "Look, there is no Stacy living here! I don't know where you got this number, but it doesn't belong to a Stacy!"

Finally, about 5 minutes later, my friend Jennifer called the same phone number (now, being the 4th call) and when the contact answered the phone, she responded:

"Hi, this is Stacy. Did anyone call for me?"

HAHAHAHA!

I still find this HILARIOUS! The person was so pissed off. I will never forget seeing Jennifer's face as she was getting screamed at through the handset!

But the BEST part is that they had no idea where we were, or how to find us in order to STRANGLE US TO DEATH for our rude prank!

What....a nice memory.

I realize that in today's world you can still pull of a nice prank phone call, but it takes much more work and planning. Most people do not pick up their phones anymore for random unknown calls

So...take that you young kids of today! We old folks got to experience this great joy in life.

Suck on that!

The Spoiled Under-30 Crowd!

2010-01-25T09:59:00.000-06:00

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning....

Uphill... barefoot...

BOTH ways

Yadda, yadda, yadda...

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it

and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen!

Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take, like, a week to get there!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3' s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone. Cause - that's how we rolled, dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister..or princess!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics!
We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... forever!

And you could never win.

The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off you're a$$ and walk over to the TV to change the channel!
NO REMOTES!!!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-b*stards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

Regards,
The Over 30 Crowd

This Health-Care Reform is Trash!

2010-01-19T10:11:00.001-06:00

Yeah, I will say it: This health-care reform is a Joke!

Whether you are Republican or Democrat, I don't really care. The House and Senate health care bills have become so watered down that i have to ask, "What is this bill actually going to accomplish?"

WHAT IS ACTUALLY BEING REFORMED???

At this point, President Obama is adamant about getting a bill passed as soon as possible. ANY bill! It doesn't matter if it is the best possible solution or not...he just needs to save face and say that he has accomplished something.

What is really being reformed, in my opinion, is health-insurance reform; NOT the best possible health care for all Americans.

On this very day, the state of Massachusetts is voting for their new Senator. Clearly, Democrats are fighting hard to keep the 60 necessary votes required to pass this legislation.

But you know what should really upset the American public? The backdoor deals and set of bargains that have been made in order to get these 60 votes!

These include: 1) The Senate has agreed to cover 100 percent of the extra Medicaid costs in Nebraska in order to get Sen. Ben Nelson's vote. WTF???? 2) Deals were also made to get Senators in Vermont, Louisiana and Connecticut to get on board. Who is paying for this? YOU! ME!

And get this... The plan would require EVERYONE to buy insurance....like car insurance. If you don't, you will be penalized. Good luck with that!!! We all know that to this day many people do not carry vehicle insurance, even though they are supposed to. Do you know why? Because they can't afford it!

This plan clearly profits the Insurance companies. Since the Public Option has been scrapped, ordering the 30ish million Americans who currently are not covered to purchase insurance clearly keeps the power with the insurance companies.

The plan also expands the Medicare program so that more people can be insured. This means that the States will have to cover the costs and will be required to allocate more funds, many of which are already facing a major budget crisis.

Sure...there are some good things that will come out of this. Insurance Companies will not be able to exclude coverage to people with pre-existing conditions. Also, people who become sick later will not lose their insurance.

But how are we going to pay for this? Through Medicare cuts and more taxes, of course!

Look...this is basically a political victory that really doesn't reform our healthcare system. The American people are the real losers here.

Thanks to heavy bi-partisanship and numerous back door deals, real health-care reform has taken a backseat.

But its politics. What did you really expect?

Cats Don't Care.

2010-01-17T18:44:00.000-06:00

I Have Caught the Social Media Bug!

2010-01-13T09:57:00.000-06:00

Do you remember, once upon a time, when we all had Myspace accounts?

Think back to the beginning: It was one of the coolest things ever! You were able to get acquainted with friends that you haven't talked to in a while, you were able to see when people were online, and you actually visited friends' profile pages in order to hear the song that they were rockin' out to at the moment!

Or even before that, there was a site called 'Friendster.' However, Myspace killed Friendster with all of the 'interactive' features.

(I know both of these sites still exist, but does anyone actually visit them anymore?)

Then somehow, Facebook came along...and with it's easy simplicity of letting people know "What's on your mind," it somehow became the site to be on.

I only know a small handful of people who have resisted the lure of Facebook.

Flash forward to today: Not only is Facebook's popularity still in its' prime, but now you have Twitter, and so many various other social media outlets!

I have to say...I still use Facebook often, but Twitter is becoming my Social Media site of choice!

I love it because you are able to follow people...even people who you have never met in your life...without them having to add you as a friend. Also, you can create lists of people that you follow, if you only want to check out what certain people are saying.

I am also now using DailyMile. It's a great, fairly new, site that allows you to track your daily fitness! It's sort of like a facebook for athletes. If you run, swim, bike or whatever, I encourage you to join...and add me as a friend!

Part of what is great about dailymile is that friends can help motivate you, or keep you accountable to get your workouts in.

The more, the merrier!

A brand new site that is starting to gain in popularity is Foursquare. When I first saw people posting tweets about foursquare, I was intrigued. So, i went to the website and checked it out.

Foursquare works with your mobile device's GPS. If you have an iphone, Droid, etc. then it allows the phone to pick up where your current location is.

When I first checked it out, i thought it was sort of pointless and decided not to use it. However, when one of my friends sent me a friend request, I looked into it again...and then decided to give it a shot.

Now, I am hooked. It is sort of a game. Very fun and simple. The more places you visit, the more points you get. Also, you get to see what other people have visited the places that you like to visit (whether they are your 'friends' or not.)

And if you visit a place more than anyone else, you become the 'Mayor' of that place. Oohhhh.....

I encourage you all to join, because the more people who join, the more specials/deals that the establishments will offer. Gotta love that, right?

Well, i have to say, I feel socially connected. Online, of course...

Is there any site that you use that I am missing out on? I might need to check it out.

Now i just need to find time to clear out my TiVo!

No wonder Triathlons are so hard...

2010-01-11T10:14:00.000-06:00

Swimming is Rough!

This is going to be a lot of work...but I am ready for a new challenge!

As you all know, I enjoy running more than most things in this world. After completing 2 Chicago Marathons now, as well as plenty of other races, I get quite the thrill when I am training for something.

It keeps me focused, and keeps my head together. It makes me happy and content...

However, I'm realizing that when I am not training for something, I tend to get a little 'down,' which makes the winter seem a LOT longer.

Two weekends ago, I was at home, lying on the couch like a slug with no intentions of getting up to do anything that day. I was flipping through the channels on TV and came across the Universal Sports channel. They were showing a marathon of the Ironman Triathlons from the past few years. So, i stopped to watch.

I have always been a sucker for these, as I have watched them for many years, going back to when I was in grade school. I always admired these people, but thought, 'there is no way in hell I would ever do one.'

As I was lying there on the couch watching some of the athletes' amazing stories, and then balling my eyes out as they crossed the finish line, I still thought to myself, 'Amazing for them...but that's too much work. I would never do one.'

But then something hit me...

I remember the feeling I had when I first decided to sign up for the Chicago Marathon when I was really only able to run about 6 miles at the most. It seemed overwhelming, but I signed up anyway, hoping that I would be able to complete one.

All of a sudden I had that same feeling. Finishing a triathlon seems so out of reach, but why not just try?

Well, for one, I don't know how to swim!

But anyway... I got up off the couch immediately, (and set my TiVo to keep recording the rest of the Ironman marathon), packed up my swim trunks, stopped at Sports Authority to buy some goggles, and headed to the gym.

Now, I hadn't actually swam in years. AND...I have never had formal swim training in my life. What I know about swimming, I have taught myself from watching Michael Phelps or Summer Sanders through the years.

So I get to the gym, and luckily the pool was empty. Phew...I didn't want to make a fool of myself!

I am ready to do my first lap. I somehow manage to get to the end of the lane, and then I realize that this is going to be WAY harder than I thought!

I mean, i am not really out of shape, but i was winded! After 25 meters, I was having trouble breathing! Plus...my swim technique is bad. I have a hard time kicking my legs correctly, and I feel like I am going to have a panic attack when I put my head under water!

"Paul, this was a dumb idea!", was all that I was hearing.

But I gave it another try. I went back down the lane to where i started, rested for a couple of minutes, and then repeated this until I finally hit 300 meters.

I hated every minute of it!

But...I still want to do this! So, 4 swim sessions later, and after googling "swimming for beginners" multiple times, I am starting to see small progress every time I get in the pool.

I realize that it isn't meant to be easy! Then we ALL would be triathletes, right?

So yes...Swimming is one of the hardest things I have ever done! I am going to continue to practice and hopefully with enough passing time, I will get to a point where it becomes much easier.

I know that many of you think I am crazy, but we just have different mindsets. That's ok. I am willing to appear a little 'out there' to you, because this is actually saving my life.

Please...if any of you have swimming technique tips, I would love to hear them!

So, who knows...maybe I will do a triathlon one day. Maybe even the big Ironman. All I know is that it gives me something new to focus on. It keeps my mind busy, and gives me a purpose.

New Year, New Goals!

2010-01-04T09:43:00.001-06:00

Happy 2010 to you all!

Although the new year started a few days ago, I'm pretty sure that most of you have decided to give yourself a few more days of debauchery, and will be starting your New Year's resolutions today!

I can tell this by how empty my gym was over the weekend! :)

So, here we are. A new year. Which means for some of us, a new outlook.

I've never really been one to measure my life by years, meaning I've never said, "2009 was awful. I hope 2010 is awesome." There were parts of 2009 that were awful, and parts of it that were awesome. Therefore, I generally feel the same way about the turn of a new year. It doesn't mean that I needed to wait until January 1st to begin making adjustments/changes.

But the symbolism of a new year is great. It gives you that chance to begin anew. A fresh start...

I hear some of my friends talk about their Resolutions for 2010, and the skeptic in me wants to say, "Yeah, right...I give that 2 weeks tops!", or "Why attempt something that we all know is NEVER going to happen...?"

But you know what...I love the optimism. I love seeing that people have the WANT or the desire to make positive changes, and to become a better person, even if they don't follow through with it.

It's nice to see that side of people. So, for their sake I hope they succeed! I hope you ALL succeed in your goals.

I wouldn't necessarily say that I have specific resolutions, but I do want to overall just become a better person.

At the risk of sounding like a cheesy self-improvement guru, I really want to focus on being more compassionate. I want to love others with a more natural reaction, getting to a point where it is my natural instinct.

I want to judge less.
I want to 'feel' more.

I want to surround myself with good, like-minded, quality people.

I want to become as healthy as I can...physically, mentally and emotionally.

I want to practice more humility.
I want to be more generous.
I want to be honest.

But most of all:
I will let go of who I thought I was, to discover & embrace who I really am.

I wish all of you a VERY HAPPY 2010, filled with love, hope and many new friendships!

My New Dawn

2009-12-24T14:07:00.001-06:00

Hiding in the midnight
I've watched life pass me by.

Haunted by each heartbreak and mistake I've let weigh me down.

But now it feels like
This is my new dawn.

My yesterdays have come and gone.
Walked in the dark too long.
This is my new dawn.

I've washed my hands now,
I've laid down all my doubt.

I see the sun rising, baptizing,
and shining straight into my soul.

Just like a child, suddenly everything's new.

The colors collide, and I see a beautiful view.
Now I feel alive...

Reevaluating

2009-12-14T11:47:00.000-06:00

Being on vacation for the past couple of weeks has really given me a lot of time to think about things...maybe TOO much time.

Have you ever taken a few moments to stop and look at the world around us? Honestly, sometimes this world breaks my heart.

We have become such superficial people, where the mentality is very "me, me, me."

I don't know why, but somehow I have become more sensitive. I don't want to live in a world like this.

Yesterday, I was walking down the street, all the way to the right, and there were 3 people heading towards me taking up the entire sidewalk. As I approached, not one of them moved. In fact, the girl that I was ready to run into looked at me with such a sour look on her face. How dare I make her have to move out of the way?

I know that sounds silly, but it is simple selfishness like this that is beginning to make me lose faith in people. This type of behavior happens all too often.

Pick up a newspaper. Every day there is another story of someone being murdered, robbed, or cheated.

It also pains me to see that a few of the people that I even call my friends are somewhat heartless, or cruel. I hate it when i hear them criticize people around us for not looking a certain way, or just generally make snide comments about things that really shouldn't matter in the grand scheme.

It makes me not want to be around them.

I have a hard time even logging into Facebook anymore, as so many of the status updates break my heart. If it isn't someone saying, "Look at me, and how I am so much better than you," then it's people complaining about not getting their way, or judging others, or just negative in general.

It's very depressing.

I have just gotten to the point where I don't like living in this type of world. I know that it's been this way for awhile now, but maybe I am just finally getting tired of it all.

Or, maybe it's just that I am more sensitive during the holiday season. Christmas is kind of a rough time for me, and I can't wait until its over.

I am not perfect myself. I am sure that I have been guilty of some of these actions, and just the thought of it makes me sick: the thought that I may have contributed to someone else's pain. It's like a punch to my gut.

Sorry, I just needed to vent. I don't mean to be negative myself, but I just needed to get some feelings out.

However, I do realize that there are also many great people out there. Some of my friends are such amazing people that really uplift me. They are kind, caring, and make me very happy to be around them.

Those are the people that I look to when I lose faith in the human race.

And some of you other bloggers (and readers) out there are very inspirational to me. Your kind words say more about you than you may ever know.

Can you imagine what would happen if we all started treating each other with respect, and kindness was the law of the land?

What if we all took an extra beat or two to think about how our actions are going to affect someone else before we acted?

Say "I am"

2009-12-12T11:33:00.002-06:00

During this holiday season, with the hustle & bustle of gift-buying, the many parties, or the general business of it all, please remember to think of others.

Not only during this season, but all year long. Think of this before you judge: You never know someone's story. You might not know what they have been through...or, are going through.

A cruel word can crush a person, but a kind word may save someone.

Truth.

2009-11-28T22:06:00.001-06:00

The only benefit to conforming is that everyone likes you but yourself.

Ready for Black Friday? ....GO!

2009-11-25T09:27:00.000-06:00

In just a couple of days, millions of people will be waking up at the break of dawn to go out and snag a toaster for $6!

What a deal!!!

I can honestly say that I have never once woken up early to go Black Friday shopping. As a working adult, I cherish every chance that I can get to sleep in and just lounge around the house!

However, I have gone out to shop on Black Friday...just later on in the day, after the morning CRAZINESS is over!

Sure, I don't get the special Doorbuster deals, but that's quite alright with me.

However, if Chipotle was having a doorbuster Burrito sale, YOU BET I would highly reconsider my sleep schedule!!!

I do think it's fun to be out there with all the people when I have no real agenda. I don't make a list of places to go to, and then have to hit all the stores up. I don't cut out special coupons. I just go...and if I see something I like, or someone else will like, then I buy it.

Standing in a long line, of course; But hey, I'm in no hurry.

This year, more & more people will be shopping online, as many stores are putting their Black Friday specials on their website. That sounds excellent!

The power of the internet!

Look...I've seen the youtube videos! When you are done reading my excellent blog here, go to youtube and search "Black Friday stampede" and just watch what comes up!

It's pretty funny. And it will make you examine whether or not its worth losing a limb or being trampled on for that $35 off a fax machine!

So, will you be up and at 'em early? I definitely can see where it could be fun if you are on a family tradition. I know people who all wake up together in order to just spend time with each other and hopefully get a few deals.

I'm not mad at that!

It just isn't really for me. I would rather watch Oprah in my underwear, eating some pancakes.

SNL = Saturday Night Limp!

2009-11-24T09:33:00.002-06:00

Remember when Saturday Night Live was funny?

No, seriously...it used to be a comedy!

I remember back in high school, one of the things that we would do on Monday mornings is discuss the SNL episode that was on over the weekend. We would rehash our favorite bits and critique the musical guests. There always seemed to be so many funny skits to choose from.

From the early 90s with Adam Sandler, Chris Farley and David Spade, to the mid 90s with Molly Shannon, Will Ferrell and Cheri Oteri, we got to see some real GEMS!
I wonder if the kids in high school now still do the same thing? Do they even watch the show?

This season of SNL has been incredibly bad. I usually watch it on my TiVo on Sunday mornings (or Sunday afternoon, depending on how good Saturday night was for me!) and I can't even tell you how many skits I end up fast-forwarding through.

It's an hour and a half show that I can watch in about 25 minutes! Geesh!

WTF, Lorne Michaels? What is wrong with your show???

Honestly, I think that there are some very talented actors on the show. The problem seems to be the Comedy Writing team. It might be time for some fresh blood.

And let's talk about the guest hosts: January Jones? Joseph Gordon Levitt?

Sure, these are fine actors that are both involved with critically acclaimed shows/movies, but they haven't really caught on to the mainstream. I highly doubt that middle America is going to go out of their way to tune in to see either one of them.

And they both sucked.

There are only a couple of cast members who consistently make me laugh. Kristen Wiig is the clear stand-out on the show! I actually laugh out loud at so many of her characters! Whether its a drunk Kathie Lee Gifford, the Target Lady, or Penelope, she is in a league of her own!

And who can forget her character, playing the Mara Sister with the baby hands!
"I found a dead cat on the side of the road... Do do do doo"

The only other person lately who has been making me LOL is Kenan Thompson.

It's easy to dismiss him as a bit player, but his "What Up With That" skit is so funny to me. He is also really good in "Deep House Dish" and playing the cop in the Scared Straight program. There is no one better to play a gameshow host than Kenan!

Other than that, its very hit or miss...

And can we talk about the opening skits? I know that SNL wants to stay relevent with current events/politics, but these skits are putting me to sleep!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I still have hope for you, SNL.

Maybe there's too much 'behind the scenes' politics going on, who knows? But Lorne Michaels, let's fix this situation! Let's strip out half of these current cast members, and go on a nationwide search to select a few more likable people!

Also, there needs to be some new comedy writers added. Young, fresh, hip writers with new ideas.

Or, just start calling the show Kristen Wiig Live, and go from there...

Did you watch the American Music Awards?

2009-11-23T10:17:00.002-06:00

Hello, and welcome to a short work week. Hip Hip HOORAY!!!

First of all, I must mention how proud I am of my football team, the Call Boys, for an outstanding season! We made it all the way to the Championship game, and came up just a little short. However, for a team that finished in last place last year, 2nd place this year is fantastic!!!

Now...

Let's talk about the American Music Awards!

I would say that overall I was pretty entertained. I remember just a few years ago, these award shows were full of such lackluster performances (i.e. a rapper just strutting across the stage with no rehearsed plan in mind...)

At least now it looks like the performers are TRYING again! I would say that Lady Gaga's boundary-crossing performances have a lot to do with this! When one artist raises the bar, the rest are likely to try to follow.

Speaking of Lady Gaga, her performance of 'Bad Romance' and 'Speechless' was the showstopper! For such a new artist, she really is putting many of the other musical giants to shame.

Whether you like her style of artistry or are just plain frightened of her, you have to at least admit that you look forward to seeing what she is going to do next!...and she does not disappoint there. Since she sings live, and dances her butt off, she truly is the standard to compare the rest to.

And while we are talking about 'singing LIVE,' it's no secret that some artists are clearly lip synching their performances (Janet Jackson, Shakira, Jennifer Lopez). However, I am not mad at that...because they at least gave us a show! It would be different if they were just standing there at a microphone and lip synching.

Many artists lip sync so that they are able to dance, which really is their strongpoint. (Yes, that is ironic since it's a show rewarding singers, but whatever...)

I have to say, I thought that Jennifer Lopez' performance was one of the night's best! That is her first song in a while that I can say was actually catchy, and she showed us that she can still dance as good as when she was a FLY girl way back when... She did take a humbling tumble though, which was kind of funny.

JayZ & Alicia Keys, Carrie Underwood, Black Eyed Peas: You all did a fine job. Thank you for putting some effort into your performances.

Kelly Clarkson showed us what a beautiful voice she really has. Whitney Houston, it is so good to see that you are back to looking and speaking somewhat coherently!

Daughtry, your song was very nice.

Rihanna, Keith Urban, Green Day: eh...whatever.

So, let's talk about something that bothers the heck out of me...and I'm talking about YOU, Taylor Swift.

Let me say, I like her. I think her songs are cute, and she is a talented songwriter/guitar player. (Vocally, a little on the weak side.) However, she has been winning every big award on every award show so far this season. It should NOT be such a surprise to her anymore when she wins these big prizes.

So Taylor, the "Oh My Gosh, I can't Believe It" shocked-face look is getting a little tiresome. Just get up there and OWN it! Don't pretend like you didn't know it was coming...

Paula Abdul's dress was nice. Kate Hudson almost showed us her nip.

And finally, Adam Lambert. Without being too hard on him, I will just say this: Adam, you don't have to try so hard. We get it...you wanted to 'shock' us. Gimme a break...

I really would've just preferred a nice performance that showed us why you should've won American Idol, and probably would have convinced a few more people to pick up your new album when it comes out this week.

Instead, we got that vulgar shitshow of a performance!

Plain & simple, he tried to outdo Lady Gaga. He didn't pull it off.

Only a few more months until the Grammys, y'all!

Let's Go CALL BOYS!!!

2009-11-20T09:30:00.004-06:00

Well, here we are...

My football team, The Call Boys, has made it to the playoffs in our football league, and it ALL comes down to our performance on Saturday.

OOH...Nerve racking!!! Can someone get me a Xanax???

We were able to finish in 1st place in our division, with a record of 8-2! This is only our second year playing together, so that is quite an accomplishment, if you ask me. Considering last year we were a brand new team and finished in last place with a record of 1-9.

WHAT...a turnaround!

The first match we play is the semi-final game, and if we win that one, we will head to the Championship Game!

I'm so anxious! I'm sweating like a fat girl at a salad bar!

Look...whether we win or lose, I would say that we have had quite a fun, successful season. So no matter what, this year was amazing and I love these guys more than I could tell you.

BUT I'm READY to KICK SOME ASS!

So, if you happen to be in Chicago, and want to come out and watch us tomorrow, Please Do! We would REALLY appreciate all your support! For game time & the field location, just send me an email.

And if you are not in Chicago, or are not able to come to the game, then please send positive thoughts and good energy our way!

or...lots of Adderall!

In honor of the occasion, I wrote a poem to the team. (Yes, I often write poems to celebrate special occasions!)

2 Wins Away

by Paul Benjamin

I started the year with no expectation of what we could turn out to be.
But after week one, with a win in our hands, I thought, “Maybe, just maybe…We’ll see…”
Now we’re 2 wins away from that glorious title of conquering Division D
I’m so proud of you all for the hard work you’ve shown, and the squad that you’ve turned out to be!

Winning 8 out of 10 is an excellent turn around from where we finished last year
Who knew that some of you could play so aggressive when you come across looking so Queer…
But, just 2 wins away from that glorious title; I WANT it, it’s ever so near
So let’s focus, be ready and play with a fervor that says, “Yes, we do belong here!”

To the beautiful Call Boys of 2009, there’s just one thing I want you to know
We were happy to honor your wishes this year and find jerseys that didn’t quite glow.
Now, just 2 wins away from that glorious title, Come on Saturday; I’m ready to go!
I loved having y’all on the team and I feel very honored to call you my bro's.

LET'S GO CALL BOYS!!!

Sipping Vodka

2009-11-19T09:52:00.000-06:00

A new priest at his first Mass was SO nervous he could hardly speak! After Mass, he asked the Monsignor how he had done.

The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So...

Next sunday he took the Monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm!

Upon his return to his office after Mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son and Holy Spirit are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for this is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."

12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry.'

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Where's My Crab Rangoon?!?

2009-11-18T09:34:00.000-06:00

In one specific episode of the popular television show 'Sex & The City', Miranda orders takeout from the same Asian place every single night that week.

Oh my god! I'm Miranda!!!

Look... I am guilty of eating Thai food probably 3 to 4 nights out of the week. So What!

I just love how delicious it is! And i hate cooking, so its very easy and convenient to just pick up some food on the way home, or if I am home already and decide that I don't want anything in my fridge, to have it delivered! :)

Pad See Ewe, Pad Thai, Coconut Curry, Panang Curry, Cashew Chicken....

DON'T TEASE ME WITH YOUR DELICIOUSNESS!!!

Well, yesterday I decided (surprise, surprise!) to call up the Thai restaurant down the street and place an order. I called right as I got off the train so that it would be ready by the time I got there.

YES, I have the restaurant's phone # saved in my phone! Don't Judge!!!
(when you go there as much as I do, you have to work out a system!)

"Hello, I would like an order of Pad See Ewe w/ Chicken, and some Crab Rangoon...for carry-out"

"Ok, that will be about 10-15 minutes."

Weird. Usually they say about 5-10 minutes, because those cats are quick! But Ok, they are probably a little busy.

Well, I walk from the train to the restaurant and strut up to the counter. See, by now the staff knows me by name.

So I was a little confused when the staff was looking at me like, "Uh oh...did you call your order in?"

"Hello! I'm here for pick-up"

The staff starts scrambling around, looking for my order. What the f...did they lose it?
The woman at the counter, Lu, comes up to me and asks when I called it in...By now she is so nervous, as if someone in the restaurant dropped the ball!

A little more scrambling occurs. Where the heck is my food?

I am being pretty patient, but I am starting to get irritated. I call ahead for a reason, not so that I have to wait for it when I get there.

Lu comes back and apologizes, saying that she couldn't find it. Then she goes to ask the girl bussing tables and starts speaking to her in a language that I can not understand. However, I'm SURE she was scolding her for answering the phone and forgetting to turn in the order for ONE OF THEIR FAVORITE REGULARS!

Oh brother...what is going on?
I know I called the order in, right? I glance down at my phone and then I see it....

I CALLED THE WRONG THAI RESTAURANT!

OH SHITE!!!

So, Lu comes back and repeatedly says they are sorry, and asks if I would like to place an order. By now, my face is a little red with embarrassment! I should fess up and take the blame, right? Well, guess what I did....

I say, "You know...that's ok. Don't worry about it. I am just going to leave." And I walk towards the door.

She apologizes again. (oops..!)

Once I hit the door, I booked it to the other Thai restaurant that is a few blocks up the road. I get there, and sure enough, my food is sitting there, waiting for me to take it home and enjoy!

Ok, come on now...some of you have probably had this happen to you as well, right?

No?
Please?

sigh...

Goodbye to you, Bally Total Fitness!

2009-11-17T10:21:00.001-06:00

Yesterday, I canceled my membership to Bally Total Fitness, and I have to say...I couldn't be happier!

I have been working out at Bally for over 4 years now, mainly because it is very close to my house, and the membership was quite affordable. However, after completely losing my inspiration to work out, I knew I had to make a change.

First of all, let me say that I appreciate all the comments, emails and even phone calls that I received from so many of you about yesterday's blog.

I was just being completely honest with my feelings, and according to your messages I am not the only one who feels the same way about food. It's nice to hear that we are all a little emotionally crazy! haha!

But anyway...

I knew that I had to do something completely different. I have been OVER Bally for some time now, and even willing myself to walk in there has been a struggle.

So, I went and got a membership at the brand new LA Fitness downtown! I am so happy about it! Not only is the place beautifully clean, but it also isn't incredibly crowded after work.

It could be just that its a new place, but I am actually looking forward to going to the gym again. I have a feeling that I won't need to refill my Boniva prescription anymore!

The Bally that i was going to was always so dirty, and rundown. Random machines were always broken, and then it would take a good week or two for them to be fixed. There were leaks in the ceiling whenever it rained, so there would be buckets on the gym floor to trip over in order to catch the water drops.

One of the two elevators to get to the gym would randomly be 'Out of service' which was a major inconvenience. The staff never once said a word to me the entire time I worked out there. It was always so hot in there, as if the staff turned up the heat so that they wouldn't be cold, but HELLO...it's a gym! People are sweating already!

The patrons of the gym were lazy, and the staff let them be! Nobody ever re-racked their weights. Dumbells are lying all over the weight room floor. There is no towel service at Bally, so nobody wipes off their machines after use.

Because of the fact that the membership is probably the cheapest around, you would get all kinds of weirdos working out at the gym. Some people have no respect towards others, and take over 2 peices of equipment at once. Other members would wear all kinds of random ~~crap~~ fashions to work out in, many not washing their clothes in between workouts. Ugh...

Thank God that is behind me!

My new gym, LA Fitness is just a few blocks from where I work. I am really looking forward to getting back into the routine of going to the gym immediately after work, and getting it out of the way.

At Bally, because it was extremely packed right after work, i would wait and go around 9:00 at night...which meant that half the time, I would get home, eat dinner, be comfortable, and then end up not going. Other times, some of you would call me up, asking me to hang out or go to dinner, and then once again I wouldn't go workout.

It felt weird to workout yesterday in a new environment where I don't know anyone! At Bally, I found myself stopping to talk to people continuously, because I have a lot of acquaintances, or people that I met, that work out there.

Yesterday, in the locker room, I met my first LA Fitness friend. I was looking at how to work the locker (yes, lockers that are digital and you don't need a lock! Nice!) and this guy asked me if I knew how to use it. Then we started making small talk about how it was my first day there, and that I came from Bally, etc. He's an investment broker who lives in the Loop. He was very friendly, and ended up giving me his card. Sweet!

I have to say, my workout went longer than normal because unlike Bally, there are actually TVs on every machine, and I couldn't leave without finishing the TV show I was watching! I can see that this is going to be a good thing for me!

So, yes...I will continue eating what I want when I feel the need to, but now at least I hope to counter those calories with a nice, wonderful workout.

At least until I get bored and need a NEW change of scenery. :)

Have you met my good friend: Food?

2009-11-16T12:31:00.001-06:00

If you have even just 'sort of' read this blog before, then you know how much I love to eat!

Chipotle? Taco Bell? Cold Stone?
YES YES YES!!!

I hate to say this publicly, but food is definitely my comfort.

Isn't it funny how even though at times you can be surrounded by lots of friends, you can still feel pretty lonely? Somewhere along the way, food became one of my closest friends.

It helps me deal with depression.
It doesn't ever criticize or judge me.
It doesn't have a cruel thing to say about me.
I don't have to worry about offending it.

When I am with food, I can be myself. It's like being with a really close friend where all my guards are down. Sad, i know...

Ask any of my friends who have ever gone out to eat with me: I pretty much ALWAYS finish my plate clear!

I just keep eating! Even when I am not hungry anymore... I don't quite know why, but I do.

One of the reasons why I run so much is because it allows me to still eat what I want, yet not get too fat. However, now that race season is over, and the temperature has changed, I am not running as much. So if you see me put on a few pounds, just know that I have been spending time with my good friend, food.

Seriously...it has even gotten to the point where it has become a pet peeve of mine when people pick food off of my plate. DON'T YOU TOUCH MY TATER TOTS! Or french fries!!! That is my COMFORT you are stealing!

Of course, friends do it, and I put on a chipper face, saying "Sure, go ahead..." But really, you don't know what you are doing to me!

I remember one time, going out to eat with a group of friends, and my plate of food was one of the first placed on the table. By the time everyone took just one fry, I literally have like 6 fries left.

That was a sad day.
But i didn't let it show.

Because that would look crazy.

I don't know. I never touch anyone else's plate. It's just something that I don't do. If I didn't order it, and you didn't offer it to me, then I don't eat it!

But anyway...

I have a good idea where my love of food came from. It started when I was a kid. My parents always used food as a reward.

"If you are good throughout the whole church service, we will go to Shoney's for lunch."
"For your birthday, I will make you whatever you want for dinner/dessert!"
"After helping us paint the garage, we will get pizza!"

My parents made 'food' something that you look forward to, instead of just a necessity to live.

And here today, I use it in that same manner.

I didn't have a very good weekend, but I did get a tad excited everytime I thought about what I would get for lunch or dinner (and of course, dessert!)... Even when I wasn't really hungry.

Skipping a meal was NOT an option.

If there was a buffet anywhere near me, then I would've tore it up!

I know, I know...it's not a very healthy way to be, and I know that there are deeper issues that probably need to be worked on, but for the immediate future, just know that if I am eating, then I am happy.

At least temporarily.

Oh my, Carrie Prejean!

2009-11-13T11:25:00.003-06:00

She can't really be THAT stupid, can she?

Everyone's favorite beauty queen, Carrie Prejean, just made this statement in an interview to Christianity Today magazine:

"I don't see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn't get breast implants."

Delusional.

Carrie may also be surprised that the bible also says nothing about electricity, sailboats, or Pepsi either!

This chick is a walking hypocrite.

First of all, I don't care whether someone get breast implants or not. If they give you a better self-confidence, then by all means...you are not hurting my life in any way. Go for it.

Of course the bible doesn't say anything about breast implants. When the bible was written there was no such thing as implants, weirdo!

However, when you have someone who is now making her living as an example of Christ, proclaiming to be a Christian and trying to live a holy life, then MAYBE people are going to be a little more critical on your choice to get huge melons!

What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of someone getting breast augmentation? The idea that they want to be sexier, right? Fake boobs = sex!

The bible DOES say:
(1 Timothy 2:9-10) . . .'Likewise I desire the women to adorn themselves in well-arranged dress, with modesty and soundness of mind, not with styles of hair braiding and gold or pearls or very expensive garb, but in the way that befits women professing to reverence God, namely, through good works.'

Take it or leave it. I for one, do not follow the old testament ways. So I would never judge someone for braiding their hair, or wearing gold necklaces. But Carrie, and other christians who pick and choose which old-testament scriptures work for them, should be ashamed!

Follow none of them, or follow all! The bible is not a "choose what you want to believe' book.

And if the boobjob was done for vanity, then that is not the modesty that the Good Book speaks of.

Then again...this is the same woman who now has a sex-tape out there, as well as nude photos.

Which is fine...in my opinion, sex is nice. But, don't be hypocritical about it. OWN IT, CARRIE!!!

Look...The only problem I have with her is that she is touring the country making appearances at various churches and religious functions, preaching against the stuff that she is practicing herself!

If she is the new voice of Christianity, then God help us all!

Need You Now

2009-11-12T10:08:00.002-06:00

Picture perfect memories,
Scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause, I can’t fight it any more.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.

It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldn’t call  but I lost all control and

I need you now. 
And I don’t know how I can do without, I just need you now.

Another shot of whiskey, can’t stop looking at the door.
Wishing you’d come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.

It’s a quarter after one, I’m a little drunk,
And I need you now.
Said I wouldn’t call but I lost all control and I need you now. 
And I don’t know how I can do without, I just need you now.

Yes I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn’t call but I’m a little drunk and

I need you now.
And I don’t know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now.

Girl, Just sit down!

2009-11-11T10:44:00.000-06:00

I know that it's wrong to laugh at someone else's misfortune, but I just could not contain myself yesterday!

I was coming home from work on the train around 5:30pm. Luckily I get on the train at an earlier stop in the downtown area, so I was able to snatch one of the last remaining seats.

We ALL know how precious a commodity getting a seat on the train is during rush hour, right?!

Well, within a couple of stops, the train gets much more full, and people have to stand in the aisle, holding on to the poles, or the bar on the back of the seats.

Well...

Little Miss Perfect Lincoln Park Trixie walks on the train in her designer sunglasses, oversized handbag, and 'too good to hold on to a dirty pole' hands.

She struts her way into the middle of the traincar, and immediately almost topples over once it jerks forward.
Her face was priceless!

I guess then she realized that she should probably hold on to something.

So she does, managing to place a couple of fingers elegantly on the bar. Except, she stands facing forward. I mean...come on, have you ever been on a train before?

Somehow she doesn't seem to pick up on the fact that everyone else in the middle section is standing sideways, which balances you by allowing you to shift weight from leg to leg.

I was planning on reading some of the book that I brought with me, but the shit-show that I was in for was much more entertaining...

So for a good 5 minutes, I was enjoying one of the FUNNIEST sights I've ever seen on a train! She was constantly jerking backward...and then forward...and her high heels were stumbling all over.

You would've thought she was drunk!

And to make matters worse, she pulls her cellphone out of her bag in an attempt to make herself look calm and comfortable, as if everyone else was looking just as ~~ridiculous~~ amazing as she did!

I swear, she crashed into the same guy about 6 times, and every single time she said "Oh, sorry" as if it was the first!

HAHAHA...

Ok...now I know what you are thinking. Paulbenjamin, why didn't you get up to offer her your seat?

I did. Well...not at first, because I was having such a great time chuckling with the guy in the seat next to me about what a great performance we were watching!

Also...How do you make it look like you aren't offering up the seat to her because she simply looked RIDICULOUS? It's not like she was elderly, or pregnant. She would've known something was up!

But...of course my guilt got the best of me.

So, at the next train stop, I looked up into her 'bug-eyed' sunglasses & expressionless face to ask, "Would you like a seat?"

Somehow, even though she had to look down at me, she still managed to lift her nose in the air. It really was remarkable, and it was a look that I can't explain. Now, THAT'S talent!

With a forced smile, she said, "No thank you."

I said OK, and gladly inched my way back down into my comfortable seat. I tried, right?

Well, she remained fairly entertaining after that. Even though she kept facing forward, she spread her legs far enough apart to remain mostly still.

Someone else offered a seat to her as well, and she continued to refuse it.

I'm telling you...she was a sight to see! A HOT MESS!

And clearly I wasn't the only one enjoying this, because when she got off at the Fullerton stop (imagine that!) the other people on the train all started looking at each other and smiling, some even audibly laughing.

So, do you think she realized that she looked a little out-of sorts?
Or the better question...Do you think she even cares?

Probably not.
But it made my evening, that's for sure.

Does My Wallet Make Me Look Fat?

2009-11-10T10:28:00.001-06:00

Hello all!

WHAT...an incredible weekend! Not only was the temperature here in Chicago close to 70 degrees (!), but I was also able to help a couple of great pals celebrate their birthdays. It was nice to see so many wonderful friends & acquaintances again.

Happy Birthday Curtis, Jason, & Kevin!

Saturday night at the beautious Scarlet bar, I was chatting with someone I hadn't seen in a while and decided to buy him a drink. About 20 minutes later, he hunted me down to reciprocate the gesture.

What a nice guy!

Standing at the bar waiting to be served, this friend of mine (who I will call 'Chris') kept pulling out small wads of dollar bills from his pocket. No joke...just all wadded up like a child would do.

"You need to put that money in your wallet! You are going to lose some of that," I said.

"I don't carry my wallet out to the bars," Chris replied.

Oh.

Ah, i get it. I mean, that is a pretty smart idea. You never know who could jack your wallet from your pocket if you aren't paying attention...or if you get a little too tipsy and accidentally misplace it. For example, leaving it on the seat of a cab when you are exiting...

Yeah, i get it.

"I don't want to look fat."

???

Umm...what?

I looked at him with that confused, 'are you kidding me' look for a second too long, causing him to feel the need to explain. He said something to the tune of "the wallet makes you look bottom heavy."

First of all, he has a pretty flat ass, so in my opinion, a wallet would probably help! (But that's just me...)

"You should get yourself one of those money clips then." You know, so you won't have to ball it up and not know how much you have left, right?

"No, that will make my pockets look bulky."

He has to be joking.

But for his sake, I let it go... I mean, everyone has their 'things' and this is clearly one of his.

So, you KNOW I went to the bathroom and started examining the back of my wallet-filled jeans in the mirror. Yes, it made my pocket stick out a little more, but did that mean i looked fat? Were people looking at me thinking, 'Damn, look at that fatass walking around!'?

I highly doubt it.

And if they do think that, it's probably not because my rear pocket sticks out a little!

(Most likely it's from the 3 slices of pizza from Piehole! Bokay?!)

Then, i discovered that 'Chris' also only carries his single door key to get back into his house, not the whole keyring.

So, clearly he is dealing with a weight problem. :)

Look...I say, if you have a small ass then carry the fattest wallet possible! I highly doubt that someone who is attracted to you is going to say, "Oh God...look at that HUGE back pocket!"

PBenj's Movie Review: Paranormal Activity

2009-10-26T10:36:00.002-05:00

Ooh...it's scary movie season! Last night, I went to see the movie 'Paranormal Activity' with my good friend Ray Pankey.

I do love a good fright!

Now, don't worry...there are NO spoilers here, as I am not one to give away movie endings! I want you all to enjoy and experience it for yourselves.

The feelings about this movie are pretty split, with opinions ranging from very positive to some pretty adamant, 'I did NOT like it AT ALL' comments.

Personally, I am giving it 2 thumbs up!

However, it took me a few minutes to come to that conclusion. The movie is one that made me think about it lonnnnng after leaving the theater. Therefore, it was a success in my book!

So, Ray and I decided to go to an early evening showing, so that by the time we exited the theater it would be DARK and we could continue being spooked!

Ooh...exciting! I forgot to bring a Boniva, so I was going to have to get through this on the bone-density that I currently had!

The movie wasn't too packed, which was nice. The previews that were playing before the film started were all for other scary movies, and they were starting to scare the bejeezus out of me! I was nervous that Ray was going to wet himself!

For the most part, everyone was very well-behaved.

However, there was one couple down the aisle who decided to bring their kid! WHAT THE....????

But isn't there always at least one clueless family? The little boy looked like he was about 6-7 years old. Way to go, genius family! You probably just freaked out your kid enough so that he has nightmares for years to come. Bravo to you!

The dad of this incredibly bright family also decided to answer his cell phone in the middle of the theater, and carry on a minute-long conversation during a part of the movie that was dead silent. Either he was too stupid to know that you are supposed to turn your phones off, or he is just so incredibly selfish that he doesn't give a sh*t about others around him. (I'm guessing it's both!)

Besides this specific family, it was a great experience!

The movie focuses on a young couple, Micah & Katie, who decide to videotape themselves around the clock in order to document paranormal activity in their house. Katie has been haunted since she was a child.

Katie, as a character, gets annoying.
Micah is very nice eye candy!

The movie moves along at a very quick pace, and I found that I was never bored. The entire thing was thoroughly entertaining!

I went into this blind, not reading anything about it, or seeing any movie trailers. Therefore, I was clueless as to what was going to happen. From the beginning, they had me convinced that this was actual, real footage...but then there were a couple of scenes where the dialog was pretty cheesy and unrealistic, which made me realize that it was fiction.

When the movie was over, there were a few people in the theater who let out groans, including the ~~ridiculous~~ lovely family down the aisle. I even heard the dad say out loud, "Man, I want my money back..."

But for the most part, people were leaving the theater generally pleased.

It amazes me that 'Paranormal Activity' was made on a budget of $15,000. Yeah, that's right. $15,000.
So far, the movie has grossed close to $70 million dollars!

I would say that the producers made a good investment!

Luckily, I was able to sleep soundly throughout the night last night, but that's because my apartment is already haunted, and I am used to the ghosts being silly... :)

Either that, or the drinks I went out for after the movie kicked in!

So, in conclusion...

If you are looking for 'jumping out of your seats' thrills, then this movie isn't for you. However, if you like that eerie, freaky, spookiness of a movie, similar to the Blair Witch Project, then you will really enjoy this film!

You will remain thoroughly entertained throughout the entire film. Therefore, whether or not you like the ending or not, you will have a great movie-going experience.

And that...is just my humble opinion.

You can stand under my UMBRELLA-ella-ella....

2009-10-23T10:15:00.002-05:00

Have you ever wanted to form an opinion about something, but just can't? I have found a topic that I am kind of stumped about: Oversized Umbrellas.

I know...that sounds like silly talk, but hear me out.

Walking down the busy downtown Chicago sidewalks on a sunny day can be annoying at times. All those people...walking slowly, walking in all directions, coming at you from the left and the right.

But on a rainy day, it's a different story; having to dodge everyone's umbrellas.

Then inevitably, there is always someone coming right at you with a HUMONGOUS umbrella. As much as you try to go around it, there is nowhere to go...and usually the person holding it doesn't give a rat's ass whether or not they take out your eye as it smacks you in the face!

Therefore, I sort of came to the conclusion that it is very rude to have these over-sized monstrosities while walking down a busy sidewalk!

(Come on, my fellow friends who work in a larger city with heavy foot traffic...You know what I'm talking about, right? Back me up here!)

But after mumbling under my breath for a minute about how inconsiderate those people are, I think to myself, "Wow, it would really be nice to have one of those..."

HAHA!

I do live in the Windy City afterall, and sometimes I end up just using my own small umbrella as a shield, holding it out in front of me to charge against the wind & rain coming straight at me! One of those supersized umbrellas could really keep me dry!

But no...I can't see myself getting one. Mostly because I know that I would feel so guilty walking down the street with it, probably constantly moving it out of the way for people, apologizing non-stop to everyone that I hit.

Either that, or I would hold it up SO HIGH in the air so that people can walk under it as they pass, that it wouldn't be effective anymore.

I believe they are called 'Golf Umbrellas,' not 'downtown Umbrellas.' Which means that they are probably best suited for big, open spaces, like a golf course. Or a park. Or the suburbs.

Hey suburbanites, I know you are used to comfort and luxury in everything you do, but please LEAVE your big umbrellas in the burbs. Thanks!

So, if I did come to some kind of conclusion to my ~~intelligent thought~~ nonsense and rambling here, I guess it would probably be that Oversized Umbrellas are fine in the appropriate places for them. Or, if you are sharing it with a few other people.

You could just have 2 umbrellas. A smaller, more appropriate one for the city, and then a larger one for your own neighborhood.

Or a parasol.

You know what i really want, is one of those clear umbrellas that come down on the sides really far. Like a bubble. That would be perfect. Where can I get one of those?

So, what do you think? Have you formed an opinion about this?
Am I incoherently digressing again? :)

Everybody, KARAOKE!

2009-10-22T10:18:00.004-05:00

Last night, I attended the birthday party for one of my favorite people in the whole world, Rich Moen! We decided to spend the evening singing Karaoke tunes and let me tell you...we had a blast!

Once the singers started performing, and the drinks started flowing, everyone turned into a rockstar! HAHA!

I am a big fan of karaoke. I like doing a type of activity that allows people to let their guard down and just be silly! It's SO much better than just going to a bar and standing around...

For a ham like me, getting up to sing a little ditty is something I am very comfortable with and need no coaxing. HAHA! But I realize that for others, it's not so easy...worrying about what others will think of them. Will they look foolish? Will people laugh at them? Will they pick the wrong song?

As Randy Jackson & Paula Abdul like to say...Song choice is a BIG factor!

Well...Below is a Guide that i think you will find to be pretty much spot on! So, whether you are a rookie karaoke-er, or a seasoned veteran, this list can maximize your karaoke impact! :)

BEST:

1) The cherished (80s) rock songs - I stuck 80s in there because there are so many good ones from that era. Bon Jovi, Guns n' Roses (though be careful with GnR cause some of their songs are LOOONG), and hair bands like Poison or Def Leppard are great karaoke fun. Who doesn't like to hear "Pour Some Sugar on Me" in a bar? These work so well because we hardly hear these songs anywhere else these days.

2) The silly, yet fun pop songs - These work well because they're songs people secretly enjoy--and you might be surprised what people secretly enjoy. "Living La Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin is one that the crowd actually really enjoys. Other good ones are Ace of Base "The Sign," Spice Girls "Wannabe," George Michael "Faith," "Lady Marmalade" (for true singers) and if you're feeling really brave...try Wham "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go

3) The successful duets - Duets are tough. Most people avoid them, but there are a few that everyone loves. "Love Shack" by the B52s and "Summer Nights" from Grease will never lead you astray.

4) Journey - Everybody loves Journey. Even if you won't admit it, you love Journey. HOWEVER, and I stress this, don't try to sing Journey if you can't hit those notes or if you're tone deaf. The crowd will drown you out if you can't sing, but Journey is much more karaoke fun if the person up there can actually sing. The obvious ones are "Don't Stop Believing" and "Faithfully," but I've also seen some great renditions of "Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)." Pick a song, any song. They're all bomb.

5) The songs everybody knows but forgot about - Bringing a song back that used to be popular is always fun. "Semi Charmed Life" by Third Eye Blind, old Elton John like "Crocodile Rock," or songs like Natalie Imbruglia's "Torn" can work well because people go, Oh yeah, I remember this song!! They make good karaoke songs for the nostalgia factor.

6) The girl anthems - Here you've got your female empowerment songs, and a few that are just awesome. Try some Tragic Kingdom-era No Doubt, Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats" (which is vastly becoming a crowd favorite and is the only acceptable "country" song to sing).
- Side category: The 80s girl anthem - Pat Benatar's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot," anything by Blondie, Cyndi Lauper, or if you really can't think of anything else to sing, Joan Jett's "I Love Rock 'n Roll."

7) The old school hits - These are the old dude favorites. But no matter your age, these songs are always good. Kicking it old school is always appreciated - Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley, "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong, or "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" are a few faves

8) The left field crowd pleasers - If you can sing for real and you're feeling crazy.... try some crowd pleasers most people wouldn't think to sing for karaoke. Like "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye. Or some James Brown. Something that requires crooning or massive singing skills.

9) The dancing songs - These are the songs that are going to make people get up and dance. ABBA is great for this. Britney can also work, but it depends on the song. "Baby Got Back" is also a dancing gem, but make sure you know the words.

10) Anything singalongable - This covers any songs that people like to sing to. Weezer is a crowd pleaser, Madonna and Billy Idol too. People always enjoy "Sweet Home Alabama" too. Even though it's overdone, it's a fun singalongable song.

WORST:

1) The songs EVERYBODY sings - If I never hear "Sweet Caroline," "Margaritaville" or "Brown Eyed Girl" ever again, it would be too soon.

2) The songs nobody knows - If your friends go "Huh?" when you mention an artist or song, it's probably not a good one for karaoke. Why it's even in the book is beyond me. People will be bored if they don't know the song you're singing. Old dudes are infamous for pulling these out.

3) No long slow songs - The biggest problem with slow songs is that they're painfully long. An old guy favorite in this category is Elton John's "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me." Anything with a similar tempo should be avoided, especially if it's 8 minutes long.

4) No more sad songs - Anything about dying or death or songs that make people cry should not be brought into a karaoke platform. Once, a girl sang "I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLachlan and then immediately went into "Goodbye to You" by Michelle Branch as her next choice. If you're depressed, don't sing karaoke.

5) The awkwardly sexual song - While "Baby Got Back" is fun*, don't think sexual songs fly with karaoke crowds. Once you get into "The Bad Touch" by the Bloodhound Gang or "I'll Make Love to You" by Boyz II Men, people start to feel uncomfortable (we actually sang the latter once...it was AWKWARD). Another one to avoid is "I Wanna Sex You Up" by Color Me Badd. It's not funny- just awkward.
* This song is best sung when everybody's had a few drinks in them.

6) The rap songs, by someone who can't rap - This doesn't happen very often (most people know better), but I've seen it. Basically: White girls should not try to sing Snoop Dogg. I'm not being racist; I say this based on the fact that most white girls cannot rap. White guys also should not try Eminem songs. Just because he's white does not mean that you, normal white guy, can rap. Leave the rapping to the rappers.

7) Songs that are plain annoying - My favorite in this category is LEN's "Steal My Sunshine." When the song title comes on the screen, the audience GROANS. Groans. No joke. Stay away from songs people just don't like. Aqua's "Barbie Girl" would be another groan-inducing one. Creed and Nickelback also go in this category.

8) The 10 minute long song - I'm talking to you, "Bohemian Rapsody" and "Thriller." It sounds like a good idea because people like these songs, but trust me...by 7 minutes, people are bored. Sure they'll sing along for a while. But these songs are Just. Too. Long. And absolutely no "Freebird" or "Hotel California" either!!

9) Songs with very little lyrics or long instrumental sections - Usually the only time this happens is after the 10th sake bomb, but it's a good reminder to know what you're singing before you put it in. Songs like "Tequila!" should never be karaoke'd. This also applies for songs like "Paradise City" by GnR...it's got a forever and ever instrumental section right in the middle, making it a weird song for karaoke. "Love is a Battlefield" by Pat Benatar...same thing. Listen to your karaoke songs before you hit the bar.

So there you have it.
Hopefully this will help you next time you are looking through those books, trying to decide on what to sing for your big number.

I want to give a shout out to M. Rose, funny writer and creator of this list, for making me laugh and providing excellent insight into effective karaoking. This girl rocks and knows what she is talking about! She wrote a really funny list of songs that work and songs NOT to sing. Great job, girl!

Now everyone...go out there and knock their socks off!

Hopefully, This Will Make You Feel Smarter...

2009-10-20T09:50:00.002-05:00

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,

     "I can't take this, you're my friend."

But the blonde insisted saying,

     "No. A bet's a bet."

Then the redhead said,

     "Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied,

     "Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

________________________________________________

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:

     "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!"

Second Blonde:

     "Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!"

________________________________________________

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,

     "You know, it's the weirdest thing. I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

________________________________________________

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

     "For best results, put on two coats."

________________________________________________

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed the car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Hold on to your phone, chronic phone-loser!

2009-10-19T10:42:00.000-05:00

As I was lounging around watching some football yesterday afternoon, I decided to log in to facebook to see what everyone was up to?

Sure enough...I saw a certain facebook status that I seem to see every weekend: Lost my phone, please send me your numbers!

Aww, that really sucks for that person.

You know that you see this same status update too! It has become all too familiar!

Another one I've seen WAY more than should be is "dropped my phone in the urinal...need new one."

WTF??? Why are you talking on your phone or texting while peeing?

I mean, I would absolutely HATE to lose my cellphone, as it has so much information on it. My email, my calendar, my contacts... Gotta hang on to that tightly!

But I do understand. In some moment of weakness, whether it is due to an overabundance of alcohol or not, these people let down their guards for a second. And POOF...missing phone.

I am sympathetic to you, as we all have misplaced things here or there. We are only human, right?

However, I find it difficult to feel any sympathy for those of you who are constantly losing your phones. I'm sorry, but come on already!

Yeah, i said it!

We all know them. "Lost my phone again...I don't know why this keeps happening."

Ummm...could it be that:
1) You are completely irresponsible, and don't think before you do things?
2) Or...maybe you're just a drunk who can't control yourself?
3) Or...maybe you don't use your own hard-earned money to pay for your personal belongings, so you don't value things as much?

Probably.

I happen to be friends/acquaintances with a few chronic offenders. And pretty much, they can be easily associated with at least one of the 3 qualifications I had just listed. Or, all of them...

When I go out and know I will be drinking generously, there are 4 things that I place on my body to make sure that I have them with me at ALL times: My wallet, my phone, my house keys, and my chapstick. (the chapstick is a personal addiction of mine, so you can disregard that one if it doesn't apply to you. he he...)

NOT inside a coat pocket, because that gets taken off and set down.
NOT held in my hands.
NOT given to someone else to hold for me.

But actually 'on my person.' In my pockets, no matter how bulky they may look.
At least then I have the peace of mind that they are there!

I want to help you. Because I love you...and I know how awful I would probably feel if I lost my phone,

So, if you are someone who loses your cellphone quite frequently, then give this a shot! Make the checklist, and run through it a couple times a night to make sure you still have everything!

Then, go have another drink, with the serenity & tranquility that ALL is right in the world! :)

Free Couch! - Emails from an Asshole

2009-10-16T09:42:00.001-05:00

ORIGINAL AD:

IF ANYONE HAS AN UNWANTED COUCH I CAN COME GET IT. WILL
TRAVEL UP TO 20 MINUTES FROM CONSHOHOCKEN. PLEASE SEND
PICTURES. THANKS.

From Me to Juan:

Hi There! You can have my couch if you are still looking for one. Let me
know! You can either email me or call me.

From Juan to Me:

HI

I STILL NEED YOUR COUCH.
HOW BIG IS IT?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PICTURES?
WHY DO YOU NOT WANT IT ANYMORE?

YOU DID NOT GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER SO I CAN'T CALL YOU.

From Me to Juan:

Juan,

The couch can seat three normal people, or two fat people. I don't have any
pictures because my camera is broken. (I didn't realize it was in the garbage
disposal when I turned on the switch.)

I am getting rid of the couch because my grandfather passed away on it a
few weeks ago. Every time I look at it, I am reminded of it, and I would rather
it not be in my apartment anymore. Just give me a call and we can set up a
time for you to come get it.

From Juan to me:

IS THE COUCH STILL IN GOOD CONDITION? YOU STILL DID NOT
GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER.

From me to Juan:

The couch is still in very good condition. There are only a few minor
blemishes, but you can't really notice them. There is a little bit of blood on
the couch and a pool of blood on the middle cushion from when my
grandfather shot himself. I tried cleaning it with club soda, but it had really
soaked into the fabric by the time I found him. The blood dried though, and
now it is kind of a brown-ish color that I think actually makes the couch look
better. It is a brown couch anyway so you can't even notice it.

From Juan to me:

NO THANKS

From me to Juan:

Why not? I thought we had a deal. Is it because of the blood? You can just
turn the cushion over and nobody will have any idea.

From Juan to me:

THE COUCH IS COVERED IN BLOOD. WHO WOULD WANT THAT?
GROSS!

From me to Juan:

Don't put words in my mouth. I never said it was covered in blood - it just has
a little blood here and there.

I did forget to mention, I believe my grandfather defecated on the couch
when he died (the paramedics say it happens all the time.) I cleaned most of
that up, but once again the couch is brown so you won't even notice it.

And this probably isn't a big deal, but he also had a cigar in his mouth and
when he died it set part of the couch on fire. On the plus side, it did burn
away some of the old urine stains that the couch had on it. The couch no
longer smells like urine. It kind of smells like a barbecue, which is great if you
love barbecues.

From Juan to me:

THAT COUCH IS FUCKED
THROW IT OUT!

From me to Juan:

Why would you waste my time if you weren't going to take the couch? I'm sick
of having to deal with people like you. I'm just trying to get rid of a decent
couch, for free, and still people are wasting my time.

From Juan to me:

IF YOU TOLD ME UP FRONT THAT SOMEONE DIED AND SHIT ALL OVER
YOUR COUCH THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE WASTED ANY MORE OF YOUR
TIME!!
DON'T YOU SPIN THIS ON ME BY TELLING ME THE COUCH LOOKS GOOD
WITH BLOOD OR SMELLS LIKE A BBQ. WHO THE FUCK WANTS A
COUCH THAT SMELLS LIKE BBQ. IF I WANTED TO SMELL BBQ I WOULD
BUY A FUCKING GRILL

From me to Juan:

Would you be interested in the grill I am selling then? It is a CharCooker 500
and has three burners. Two of them don't work because my grandfather shot
at the grill when he was drunk, but the middle burner still cooks food really
well. I'm asking $400 for it, and for you, I'll throw in a couch for free.

From Juan to me:

I DON'T WANT YOUR USELESS SHIT GUY!!!!

- DontEvenReply.com

Emails from an Asshole!

Please Don't Make Me Listen to That...

2009-10-15T09:51:00.002-05:00

How do I say this in the nicest way possible? Hmmm...

I don't want to come across as mean, or rude, but,

I HATE WHEN KIDS SING!

There. I said it!

I know, I know...That makes me sound evil, but I'm sorry! I hate the sound of children singing. Always have. Even when I was a kid, I couldn't stand it!

Please, Don't ask me to listen to your child belt out a number. There is nothing worse than when a co-worker or friend makes the whole room stop for us to listen to the new song that Susie learned. I know, Susie is the cutest little girl in the whole world, but I would rather listen to nails on a chalkboard than to hear that ~~amazing~~ frail little voice sing the entire Star-Spangled Banner.

Seeing a kid perform in a Talent Show? UGH!
Kids Karaoke?   The WORST!
Going to a musical for kids under Junior High Age?   OH GOD NO!!!

Now...i honestly don't mind it when a kid is in his/her room, singing a random song about 'pooping their pants' or something. I can handle that... and it's kind of funny. :)

But listening to a child perform? Are you kidding me?

Hey Ellen, Oprah, Jay Leno and whoever else puts child musical stars on their talk shows... I know that you are trying to win over the mothers as fans, so I get it. However, I can't help but wonder whether you are ready to claw out your eyeballs too when these young'uns are booked as guests on your shows.

Even when a 9 year-old DOES have a great, mature-sounding voice for their age, they still don't have a clue what they are singing about! When a 6 year-old girl gets up on stage and belts out an emotional anthem like "All By Myself" or "I Will Always Love You" and smiles the entire way through it, oh God...where is the remote control?!?

I would love to believe that this 6-year old has lived enough life to feel the emotions that they are singing about.

Have you heard of "Kidz Bop?" It's this album full of modern-day radio hits, but they are sung by children (I guess children like hearing other children sing.) You gotta love the children's version of "When I Grow Up" by the Pussycat Dolls!

They also do a version of "Just Dance" by Lady Gaga. There is just something a little sick and twisted about hearing a adolescent sing the line, "wish I could shut my playboy mouth..."

Look. There is always a chance that I will have a child of my own one day, and I will be SO in love with him/her that I will learn to enjoy the over-pronunciated lyrics and the Britney Spears imitations.

But, I doubt it.

And when my child would perform in school musicals or holiday performances, I would definitely be there to support him/her, but inside I will probably be wishing that my kid had helped design the set or worked on lighting or something...

By the way...Did I tell you that I love YOUR child though?   :)

My Tivo is Changing...Fall TV Report!

2009-10-14T10:36:00.002-05:00

Hello to you!

Whenever the fall television season starts up, I always add a bunch of new shows to the TiVo to see if I will fall in love with them and want to continue watching, or whether they will be a big waste of time.

In the past few weeks, my TiVo has been backed up, as I record more than I have time to watch! However, this past week I have been able to get completely caught up, thanks to all the 'lounging' time I have done a couple of days before running the Chicago Marathon and a couple days after while recovering.

Speaking of the marathon, I was able to finish the entire thing running! YAY! Even though I was cramping up pretty bad in the last couple of miles, I still finished with a pretty decent time of 3:38:25. YES!

But anyway...

Here are my thoughts on television this season...

I should first start with my FAVORITE new shows:

Modern Family - ABC

Cougar Town - ABC

FlashForward - ABC

I guess ABC wins, in my opinion, for best new programming! All three of these shows have me hooked! Modern Family and Cougar Town are so ridiculously funny, the kind of laugh out loud funny that I want from a sitcom. And there is no laugh track that tells you when you are supposed to laugh, letting you decide what's really funny! OOH...I love these shows!

FlashForward is a great mystery. Very fast moving, and the characters are engaging. The individual storylines mesh very well into the big picture. I can't wait for this week's episode!

Now...

Shows that I have REMOVED from my TiVo...

I was excited about the remake of Melrose Place. The very first episode was great. I liked the idea behind the murder mystery, but then the second and third episodes were dull. They were so slow moving, and I found that I really just didn't care about any of the characters. Therefore, DELETE.

Gossip Girl - Now, i know that some of you are ready to shoot me in the head over this, but I've just lost interest. I do enjoy the show, but I guess I just got tired of watching people make such irresponsible choices, and then act like they didn't know the consequences were coming. DELETE.

Heroes - I used to really like Heroes. I was attached to the first season, even though it would get slightly confusing at times. However, since then, the show has gotten WAY confusing...and there is too much going on, with too many characters. And, if you miss a week, then you might as well just hang it up trying to get caught up. DELETE.

America's Next Top Model - I used to enjoy this show in the past, but Tyra and her group of weirdos have made this unwatchable for me. None of the models who win ever become 'top' models, and when I heard that this season was all girls under 5'7, please...gimme a break! DELETE.

And my GUILTY PLEASURES are:

Shark Tank on ABC is a great new show! I am addicted to watching people come in with their ideas and either getting shot down, or walk away with the potential to make millions! LOVE IT!

The Real Housewives of Atlanta - I can't get enough! Don't be Tardy for the Party! Enough said...

Glee - I really enjoy how lighthearted 'Glee' is. Such a feel-good show, that finds a way to touch at your emotions. I like it...I can't say that I 'love' it yet, but i really do enjoy the mindless television fun.

My RETURNING FAVORITES are:

Desperate Housewives - I STILL love the gals on Wisteria Lane, and if you stopped watching, then you missed an excellent last season...and a great beginning to this season!

Ghost Whisperer - Yes...I do love me some ghost mysteries! Jennifer Love Hewitt is beautiful, and even though there is an underlying storyline, you don't have to follow it. You can jump in whenever you want for a good scare.

Brothers & Sisters - The disfunctionality of the Walker family is what gives them their charm. Nobody has a perfect family, no matter how hard you may try to make it look like you do. And...Sally Field can play any role and make it totally believable.

Project Runway - Lifetime, you have done a great job. Designers, Make it work!

And of course, some DISAPPOINTMENTS:

So You Think You Can Dance - Enough with the auditions already! Geesh. I feel like we are going on our 5th week of auditions. They are NOT that exciting. I wish the show would actually just choose the dancers and start the season with the Top 20. OR...just skip the auditions altogether and have a TOP 25, or 30. I would rather watch that then more auditions. I have to admit, its not so bad in the summer when there isn't much else on. I don't like SYTYCD as a fall program.

CBS as a network - Hey CBS, you are not fooling any of us! Your shows are all the same! How many crime dramas can a person take? Your whole programming is CSI, CSI Miami, NCIS, NCIS Los Angeles, Cold Case, Criminal Minds, Numbers, etc.... Gimme a break! It's basically all the same shows with different lead characters.

And finally, LOOKING FORWARD TO:

V - I remember watching the original miniseries back when I was a kid. It scared me, yet intrigued me. I really hope that ABC does justice to the remake, which starts up in a couple of weeks.

I guess ABC wins this year, for me! I would say that the majority of the shows I TiVo are on this network.

But of course...all of this is just my humble opinion.

Things to do at a Drive-Thru Window

2009-10-12T10:36:00.001-05:00

1. Say "Amen" after you say your order.

2. Order a large cheese pizza.

3. Terminate the order by saying, "Remember, we never had this conversation." and then drive off.

4. Tell the order taker a rival fast food place is down the street and you're going with the lowest bidder.

5. When you take your order say "surprise me!"

6. Spell out your order.

7. Change your accent every three seconds.

8. Ask to rent a burger.

9. After ordering say "and once your done throw it out and do it again cuz you won't get it right the first time!"

10. Start your order with "I'd like. . . ". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't."

11. Ask if there is a warrantee on your meal.

12. Order with the radio turned up at full blast.

13. Ask if you get to keep the bag. When they say "yes" start crying with happiness and call your whole family to tell them the big news.

14. Imitate the order taker's voice.

15. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.

16. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this meal.

17. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"

18. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.

19. Take a picture of the person at the window.

20. Hand the person at the window a box of pizza and say, "that will be $7.95

21. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."

22. Start the conversation with "My order at McDonalds, Take 1, and ... action!"

23. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."

24. When you'ge given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."

25. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"

26. Wear a detective suit and pass the person at the window a briefcase and then drive off.

27. Don't say a word. Just stare.

28. Add "Mc" to the beginning of everything you say.

29. Ask for chicken nuggets without the chicken.

30. Ask them how many fries do you get in a Large.

31. When you get to the food window make sure you are facing directly forwards, say nothing, have a creepy grin on your face, and then slowly rotate your head to face the server. Take the food calmly, slowly rotate your head back, still grinning, then drive off

Marathon MADNESS!

2009-10-08T10:03:00.000-05:00

Ok, I apologize for the lack of posts this week. However, I am very grateful to all of you who noticed, and have been asking me for a new posting. :)

I guess it's because I've only got one main thing on my mind this week...and that's REDEMPTION!

It's like when an opponent beats you. all you are focused on is coming back and whipping his ass! That's my relationship with the Chicago Marathon this year.

Last year, the 80 degree temps kicked my butt, causing me to cramp up and dehydrate. Even though I still finished it, I am focused on kicking some major marathon booty this year!!!

And by kicking it's ass...I mean, hoping to wobble across the finish line eventually. hahahaha!

Did you know that hottie Ryan Reynolds ran the New York Marathon last year?

Anyway...

They say that the first half of any race is run with one's body, and the second half with the mind. I am DEFINITELY counting on this being true this year, as I am not sure how long my legs are going to hold up!

So, if you see me around the end of the race, and I look delusional...then please feel free to slap me silly, and snap me back into it! LOL!

However...there is NO CHANCE of me quitting! They would have to drag me off the course unconscious...and then some!

'Paul...why do you run these long races?', many of you have asked....

Well, I have to be careful discussing this because it could come across sounding very pretentious. I started off thinking that if I could run long distances that I could always be in this Zen state, able to bring peace to the world! Sure, i do feel like it has made me a better person, but in many ways I am still the same old punk that I've always been.

I realize that to many of you, running is a miserable 2-3 miles motivated only by fitting into those size 29 waist jeans!

I COMPLETELY understand that! I love pizza. I love ice cream...i don't want to get fat. Isn't that why many of us started in the first place?   :)
'
I also run because:
     - My legs are starting to look really nice!
     - I have a subscription to Runner's World magazine. (might as well put it to use...)
     - Ryan Reynolds did it. (B'okay!)
     - My close friend Tony does. He's really nice.
     - Buying new shoes every few months makes me really happy
     -I like regularly seeing that old man who sits by Montrose harbor and waves at me.

But also because:
     - Who doesn't want to do something extraordinary?
     - It helps me to forget about what a loser I really am.
     - Once you cross the finish line, it can't be retracted. You officially made it!

Ok!

Here's a list of the other people that I know for sure are running the 2009 Chicago marathon as well. Perhaps you know them:

Tony Verzino
Ben Zumsteg
Daniel Tabib
Jake Stigers
Michael Newcomb
Sarah Altman
Michael Mowers
Aaron DeWinter Williams
Josh Bray

We would all love it if you came out to support us. So, if you are free...the race starts at 7:30 downtown, and will be winding through 29 different Chicago neighborhoods. Click here for the course map.

There is a post-race party with food, drinks and live bands, so if you would like to meet any of us at the finish line, that would RULE!

If you aren't able to make it to watch the race, you can still track any of us by getting updates either through email or as text messages of where we are on the course when we hit certain splits. Click here to sign up for runner tracking.

3 days to go...Let's do this!

Sweet Videos to Brighten your Monday!

2009-10-05T10:54:00.000-05:00

Hello and welcome to a new week!

Every once in a while, a nice, fun, light video is all you need to see to help brighten your day! So, in order to start your week out on the right foot, I have 2 WONDERFUL videos for you.

You may think they are normal 'whatever' videos, but when you are done watching them...I promise that you will be smiling a little bigger on the inside! :)

Video #1

I know that many of us are sick of hearing, "I Gotta Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas, but you will like and appreciate all the hard work that these students put into making this video.

Video #2

It's funny how something so stupid as watching a biker High-Five people who are hailing cabs, can really make your day! This video is so dumb that its great.

Enjoy!

Are You Feeling Smart Yet?

2009-10-02T09:09:00.000-05:00

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."

Miss America 1995

Heather Whitestone

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I

cant help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not

with all those flies and death and stuff."

Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"

(During an interview to become spokesperson

for federal anti-smoking campaign.)

Brooke Shields

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

former President

Bill Clinton

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

Philadelphia Phillies Manager

Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

ex-Vice President

Al Gore

"Can I Get a Boniva?"

"Don't Threaten ME with a good time!"

Blogger Extraordinare

Paul Benjamin

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."

University of Kentucky Basketball Forward

Winston Bennett

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply

exclude certain types of people."

ROTC Instructor

Colonel Gerald Wellman

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius

is a guy like Norman Einstein."

NFL Quarterback

Joe Theisman

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest

crime rates in the country."

Washington DC Mayor

Marion Barry

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death

by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."

A congressional candidate in Texas

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective

March 1992 because we received notice that

you passed away. May God bless you. You may

reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

Greeneville, South Carolina

Department of Social Services