Ooh...that's my JAM!

Can you believe that 2009 is already Half over?

And remember in January when you made a list of goals to have accomplished before the year is through...and haven't been able to even check ONE of those goals off? SLACKER!

Well, since we are at the midway point, i decided to take a look at my iPod and see what are my most played songs of 2009 so far...

Now...I am not necessarily saying that they are my favorite songs of the year; they just happen to be the ones that I must've played the most. So clearly I enjoy listening to them...i mean, come on...these are some DAMN good choices!

They also, in my opinion, accurately portray where I am right now in life. Oddly, there aren't really any love songs (probably because it's been soooooo long that I've been in love that I've become numb to love songs! he he...), no break-up songs (once again...if I haven't been in love, i haven't broken up with anyone!), and only one Lady Gaga song? What???

In true countdown style, here are the Top 10. If you don't have these songs yet, DOWNLOAD THEM! :)

#10. "Heavy Cross" by The Gossip
When Beth Ditto belts the lyric, "i checked you..." I feel empowered everytime! :)



#9. "The Promise" by Girls Aloud
Just a fun pop ditty...but very sexy & very infectious!



#8. "Jesus Doesn't Love You" by Dragonette
This is one of my favorite songs ever! It's a carry over from 2008, but still a great song to run to...or dance around naked in your living room to!



#7. "Work" by Jars of Clay
Interesting video, but I like the song much better without having seen the video. This jam has me hooked, though!



#6. "Don't Stop Believing" by The Cast of 'Glee'
Oh...don't pretend like you didn't fall in love with this version of the song, too! You know you watched the premiere of 'Glee' repeatedly and then downloaded this song immediately after!



#5. "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon
My most 'vulnerable' moment here in the list...yes, I admit that the lyrics of this song do get me a little choked up. Excellent song that has been on repeat for a while now!



#4. "When Love Takes Over" by David Guetta featuring Kelly Rowland
Ever since i first heard this song last month, i was IN LOVE! Kelly Rowland looks and sounds incredible here! This song is definitely my new favorite JAM...i can't stop listening to it! SONG OF THE SUMMER!



#3. "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga
I mean...come on... Do i really need to explain this one?



#2. "Raindrops" by Basement Jaxx
Ooh wee, T-Shane! After a couple of listens to this song, you will be subconsciously moving every part of your body to the slammin' chorus! Trust me!



and...

#1. "The Fear" by Lily Allen
Whether you love her or hate her as a person, it doesn't matter when it comes to her music. Her new album is one of the year's best, and this first single was the catchiest little ditty! Great song that apparently I've played more than any other... Enjoy!



Agree?

What are some of yours? :)

Proud to Run

Hello and happy new week!

On Saturday, I ran the Proud to Run 10K race here in Chicago and it was a BEAUTIOUS day. It was my first time running this event, and I have to say that it was a lot of fun. It was very well organized, and I will plan on running the event again in the future!

I finished with a time of 44:04, and came in 5th in my age division! WOO HOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!
I admit, around mile 5 the bright sun was slowing me down a tad, but not enough to keep me out of the top 5! No way, no how! :)

It was great to see so many of my friends out there running the race as well.

Enjoy some pics below!

Melissa, You Are DOING Things To Me!

Ooh, man...Could it be...A GIRL CRUSH?!?!

I'm telling you! Every week I watch "So You Think You Can Dance" and every time, contestant Melissa rocks my world!

Now, it's no secret that she's my favorite contestant this year (as i have blogged about previously...), but this girl seriously has my engines revved up!

Melissa is amazingly talented. At first, I had a little bias towards her because of her age (at 29 years old, she is the oldest of all the contestants), but if you've seen the last 3 weeks you have noticed that she and her partner Ade are 2 of the best dancers on the show!

Thank you America, for voting for my GIRL so far...always keeping her out of the bottom 3!

Will she win? I don't know...but the longer I get to see her performances, the happier I will be! :)

Check out the HOTNESS that is Melissa in the video of this week's dance below. Careful...you might need to take a cold shower afterwards!

The King.

I can trace back many memorable moments of my childhood through adolescence to his music. I will never forget the first time I ever heard "Don't Stop Til you Get Enough": I was hooked.

After seeing the "Billie Jean" and "Thriller" videos, I wanted to DANCE. I would practice in my bedroom, trying to get all the moves right, mirroring the great one himself.

I'll never forget my naivety watching "Black or White" or "Scream" thinking, "What a Rockstar!"

Say whatever you want about him as a person...but as an Artist, he was on an entirely different level.

And deep down...I believe that he had a beautiful soul.

Heal the World
Make It a Better Place
For you and for me and the entire human race...

Tonight...I am a little sad, because it is a reality that a part of my own childhood is now gone.

But what a wonderful legacy of music he is leaving behind...



Michael Jackson: Rest in Peace.

The Greatest Kickball Team EVER!

We won again!

That's right...last night Team X-Cell continued our winning streak by dominating once again! Last night's final score was 18-2.

Congrats, guys! Let's do it again next week!

My LOVE/HATE Relationship with Getting a Haircut!

You know how it is in life...When you find something you really enjoy, or something that works well for you, you continue with that!

For example: Chipotle really works for me, so I continue to indulge! :)

Well, the same goes for getting a haircut! As many of you know, it's difficult to find someone to cut your hair who does it well, and when you find that special hairstylist, you keep going to them on a regular basis.

Up until a couple of years ago, I had the most amazing Sarah cut my hair. I would show up, plop my ass down in her chair, and watch her work her MAGIC! (All for the reasonable price of $23...) She was also wonderful about suggesting slight & subtle changes to the haircut from time to time, to switch things up a bit and keep me from getting into a rut...

Then, she dropped the bomb on me... "I'm Moving."

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After pulling the dagger out of my heart, I took a deep breathe and decided that it was probably best to go on living anyway... I could get through this, right?

Well, it's been close to 2 years now without her and I STILL have yet to find a new 'Sarah.' (or 'Bob'...I don't discriminate...)

I've tried the $50 (plus tip) haircut and it's a little excessive for me. I mean, the hairstylist did a fine job, but it really wasn't much too different from what I'd always gotten; just had a more outrageous price tag attached! These are tough times...I don't want to be shelling out $60 every few weeks!

I've also tried a local place called 'Chicago Male Salon', where the haircut was a more reasonable $30. However, the guy cutting my hair must've decided that he was going to 'experiment' that day, and completely butchered it into something that I didn't ask for. So, i just haven't gone back...

I've also tried to grow it out. That's right! Not only would i save money, but i would also transform into Fabio and look like he does on the front of the Romance novels, right?

Well, it took me a whole 2-3 weeks beyond my normal haircut range to realize that I do not have the patience to deal with styling my hair while it's in the in-between phase. (Plus...it gets REALLY windy at times here in Chicago...I need shorter hair just so it doesn't blow everywhere!)

UGH!...Why is this so frustrating?

I actually like getting a haircut while it's being done. It's like a mini-massage for the head, and yes...at times I get that wonderful 'tingling' feeling!

But the best part about my Sarah (and a couple of randoms since...) is that getting a haircut can be a therapy session! While sitting in that chair (with that long, flowing black cape strapped snug to my neck...) I could say anything I wanted to her, and she had no choice but to listen! Where was she going to go? BUT...my Sarah did more than listen. She would ask questions or just randomly make little noises of agreement to let me know that she was with me on this personal journey of self-discovery!

Oh well...

I admit...I've given in to defeat. There is a SuperCuts in the first floor of my building at work. For the past couple of months, whenever I feel like its time for a haircut I just take the long elevator ride down and head on in. The employees are always really welcoming, and they do a very nice, decent job on my hair for about $13, so I am not going to complain about them at all.

In fact, it's probably a smart decision on my part to go there in these economic times...and since my hair is short anyway, it's hard to really screw up a basic haircut.

But...it's not my Sarah. God, i miss her...

So...I need a new place to get my haircut! I know some of you have some super snazzy-fine looks, so if your hairstylist is looking to take on a new client please let me know about him/her!

Unless they charge the same outrageous price as my monthly Chipotle intake...then I'll pass....

Thank you!!!

I started this blog on June 1st, and I am having so much fun with it! As of today, I have passed the 2,500 unique visitors mark...in less than a month! I mean...I'm no Perez Hilton, but I just wanted to say a quick THANK YOU to everyone for taking time out of your day to read along with my silly musings!

I know that you are all bombarded with many forms of media, and email, and jobs, and lives...and for you to make the decision to click on my little blog page really means a lot to me. I appreciate it!

Please feel free to leave comments on any posting, whether you agree with me or not. I understand that some posts invite criticism, or may be controversial, and I respect differing opinions.

AND...i know that many of you follow along in your Google Readers, but if you wouldn't mind, i would love for you to click the "Follow" button to the right. It's nice to get a better picture of who is reading on a regular basis...

So...i promise to continue to be witty, and funny, and smart (he he!) and conversational, and write about relevant topics in order to make Dangling Carrots a place that you will want to continue to return to frequently!

The greatest reward that a writer feels is knowing that his work is being read.

So, once again...THANK YOU! You're the best!

The Black Eyed Peas...Genius or Just plain stupid?

So...there are reports this morning that Will.I.Am from the Black Eyed Peas assaulted everyone's favorite gossip blogger Perez Hilton last night at the MuchMusic awards in Toronto.

Apparently, Will.I.Am was upset after Perez told bandmate Fergie that he did not like the new Black Eyed Peas album. Now, i don't really know all the details about the assault, but this incident got me thinking: Black Eyed Peas, what the hell happened to you?

When they first bust onto the scene with their big single, "Where Is the Love?" I thought, 'What a great song...with a nice message.' But then from there, it ALL went downhill!

I mean, seriously...this R&B/Rap/Hip Hop/Pop group is more popular now than ever by stringing together a bunch of hit songs better known for their stupidity than for how good they are.

My Humps, anyone?

For example, in their current #1 song "Boom Boom Pow" the lyrical genius himself, Will.I.am, writes,

"I'm on the supersonic boom
Y'all hear the space shit zoom

When I step inside the room them girls go apeshit, uh

Y'all stuck on super A-shit

They're no fast super a bit

I'm on that HD flat

This beat go boom boom bat"

Umm...ok.

And let's not forget about "Hey Mama," "Don't Phunk with my Heart," and "Let's Get It Started," which was originally "Let's Get Retarded" but was renamed quickly after...

Who knows? Maybe Will.I.Am really IS a genius. Although I say 'lyrical genius' facetiously, he definitely is a marketing genius, knowing what kids will buy these days & what radio is going to play.

Well...at least I HOPE that is what is going through his mind, and he really isn't just that stupid, thinking his writing is really good!

I can just see the conversation now:

"Hey Fergie, for 'Boom Boom Pow' I came up with a futuristic,
spaceship theme so that people will think we are writing the future of pop
music instead of the same ridiculous, played-out crap that's been on the
radio now for years..."

In my opinion, the Black Eyed Peas would be NOTHING without Fergie. I say that simply because they were nothing before her. (You didn't know that Fergie was a late addition to the group, did you? Oh yeah...they had 2 albums before she came along...) I mean, they really should thank their lucky stars that she decided to come back to the group after going solo.

'

She did have a VERY successful solo album, while Will.I.Am's solo disc completely flopped!

'

HOWEVER, Fergie doesn't get a pass either! With songs like 'Fergalicious' and 'London Bridge', she doesn't necessarily sing the most amazing material! (I wouldn't be surprised if Will.I.Am wrote this sh*t as well!)

The Spelling Bee Queen herself even mispells 'tasty', t-a-s-t-e-y, in the song Fergalicious.

(She also spells out "g-l-a-m-o-r-o-u-s" and "F to the E, R, G the I, the E" in her songs... Hey, whatever rhymes, right?)

And speaking of words that don't rhyme, the Black Eyed Peas are no strangers to fitting words in where they shouldn't be. I mean, the lyrics are usually just really BAD.

In fact...right after you finish reading this blog, go to youtube and listen to their song lyrics...on ANY song! You will definitely see what i mean...

The thing that the Black Eyed Peas do have going for them is a great beat! It's easy to be nitpicky about the lyrics, but the beats are really what sells the music!

I mean...as much as I think 'Boom Boom Pow' is a TERRIBLE song, Yes...I've danced to it when out on a Saturday night!

Having said all that about them, I admit that I do enjoy their brand new single called, "I Gotta Feeling." (Yes...I am overlooking the bad grammar in the title of the song...)

The beat is infectious, and it's a great song to run to!

However, the chorus' lyrics are:

"I gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night

That tonight's gonna be a good night

that tonight's gonna be a good good night"

Damn! Where's MY million dollar check, because I could've written THAT sh*t!

Oh well...I'll enjoy the beat.

Although I am coming down hard on them, the Black Eyed Peas are currently laughing all the way to the bank! So, it really doesn't matter what I think...

I'm not their target audience...

So...I now own 2 Black Eyed Peas song on my ipod ("Where is the Love" & "I Gotta Feeling")

Will there be a 3rd?

Come on Black Eyed Peas...I'm pulling for you!

Milwaukee, WI: An Experience on Clearance!

This past weekend, a bunch of friends and I ventured north to the city of Milwaukee to take part in their Pride celebration. What a great time we had!!!

There were so many people there who were also visiting from Chicago, that when we went out to the bars in the evening, I felt like I was just trying out a new bar here in the Chi.

Milwaukee is a very nice city. It's no Chicago, but it was decent enough to spend an entire weekend. I call it an 'experience on Clearance' because it's a light big city. Everything is just a little smaller, a little cheaper, and a little less exciting than what I am used to.

BUT...it was fun, and I have nothing bad to say about it!

The first thing we did upon arrival (well...after freshening up from the long car ride, that is...) was take a tour of the famous Lakefront Brewery. Once we had our first drink in us, the delicious beverages never stopped flowing for the rest of the weekend!

Friday & Saturday night, we ended up DANCING our BUTTS off! And as you can see in the pic to the right, we ended up at a club with an actual DISCO BALL! Seriously! The club also had a cage elevated off the ground. It doesn't get any better than that!

Milwaukee's lakefront is really beautiful as well. To the left, you can see that Jamison, Ryan, Eric, Stephen and I took the photo for our Christian pop boy band album cover. We are called, "On the Rocks," and our next single coming out soon will be called, 'Givin' Up Your Virginity for the Lord!'

A definite highlight of the weekend was watching the R&B Diva herself, BRANDY perform on the Milwaukee Summerfest stage. And yes...she still has GOT IT! Ms. Brandy sang all her hits from the past 2 decades, including favorites, "The Boy Is Mine," "Have You Ever," and "Almost Doesn't Count." I was surprised at how well she sings Live. I was also hoping she would sing more of the material off of her current album, because it is WONDERFUL and definitely didn't get the attention that it deserves. Somebody, PLEASE start playing her music on the radio again!

Saturday night, after the bars closed, we went back to our gracious hosts' home, cranked up the music and Kept the Night Going! Apparently, we had a visit from a 'mysterious' raccoon (ahem...Ryan!) which nobody actually saw, EXCEPT for Ryan. Was the raccoon really just outside the window? I wouldn't know...I was feeling good, enjoying the music under my makeshift 'Snuggie!'

Overall, we had a great time and I would definitely go back to visit. Summerfest is coming up...I bet we will go back to see some favorite musical artists...

More fun memories below:

Best Reality Television of the Week!

The Bravo network gave us reality television at it's BEST this week! Did you watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey finale? NO??? Then get to BravoTv.com or Hulu and watch the clips as soon as possible!

This may have been THE greatest hour of television I've seen in a LONG time!

I mean...Who knew it would take a bunch of Jersey girls to make such RIVETING television?

And the problem for me is...I like them all! So, even though there was a huge fight, which sort of makes the viewer choose sides on who they like better, I just can't! Which is WONDERFUL!

I was never a fan of Danielle until she pulled that book out and stuck it FACE UP on the table. Like, "BOOM...Now, what?" That bitch has some balls! And of course sweet little Jacqueline decided to go against her family and stick up for her friend. Ooh Girl...you better watch out because they are 'thick as thieves!" That took guts!

Then there's my girl, Caroline! This Italian mama runs the show! To me, she is the most balanced of the Housewives, and when she looked at Danielle with the attitude of "it wasn't Dina...it was ME. What are you gonna do about it?", you know not to mess with her!

Dina is just fabulous. Yes, she is a bitch, but it's endearing how much she loves her daughter. And Teresa...OMG, Table Flipping Teresa! She finally came out of her shell! In a matter of a dinner party, she changed from laid-back, nice Teresa, who lets everything roll off her back, to "I'm Gonna Flip This Table Mother F**ker" Teresa...providing us with one of the best moments in reality TV history!

WOO! I Love It!

I'm gonna miss those Jersey girls...
I can't wait for the Reunion special this Tuesday. I bet it's gon' be FIREY!

In other TV news, the Top 18 dancers performed this week on 'So You Think You Can Dance.'

In my opinion, I think the episode was a bit of a letdown. Now don't get me wrong, I think they are all incredibly talented dancers, but maybe it's becuase they are so good that I expect a LOT more from them.

OR...maybe the choreographers are to blame and were just phoning it in this week. (Shane Sparks? WTF was that???) At the end of the day, there was really only one dance that remains memorable to me: That was Jonathan & Karla's comtemporary routine to "Falling Slowly," which was Amazing!

The rest of the show was "eh"...

However, my favorite couple is still Melissa & Ade. My girl Melissa is still hanging in there, performing at the top notch quality that she always does! I hope she makes it really far! I guess we'll see...

In case you missed it, below is my pick for Dance of the Week by Jonathan & Karla.
Check it out!

Funny New Website Alert!!!

DontEvenReply.com
E - m a i l s f r o m a n a s s h o l e

Every once in a while, a new website comes around that I just can't get enough of! You all know F MyLife and Textsfromlastnight. These websites are Hilarious and get you laughing out loud, right? (If you haven't heard of these, then you must check them out!)

Well, i have a new one for you!

It's called "Don't Even Reply" and you all MUST check it out!

I have to say a big THANKS to my blogger buddy Robbie Anderson, who has opened my eyes to this new gift! Since then, i have spent hours laughing my face off!

Basically, the sites owner checks out classified ads and responds! But in a ridiculously funny way! His goal is to mess with them, confuse them, or just plain piss them off! Please see below for a couple of examples:

Kittens for my Tiger

Original ad: litter of 6 kittens up for adoption! they are all 3 weeks old and are looking for a good home. contact if interested.

From Mike Hunt to *********@***********.org

Hi, I am interested in taking all six kittens off of your hands. How much do you want for them? Mike

From Shannon ******* to Me

Mike, Are you going to take care of all of these kittens? I want to make sure they all find a good home, and was expecting to sell them one at a time. Are you able to house all six of them?

From Mike Hunt to Shannon *******

Shannon, To be honest, I own a pet Bengal Tiger and he is on a strict diet of cats. I usually feed him one cat every couple of days, so this litter should hold him over for a while. Don't worry though, I'll take good care of the kittens until I feed them to him. Mike

From Shannon ******* to Me

That is horrible! You will not get a single kitten from me. I really hope you are not serious.

From Mike Hunt to Shannon *******

Shannon, I was kidding. I seriously need all six kittens though. Disregard anything I said about a tiger.

From Shannon ******* to Me

NO.

HAHAHAHA! I love it!
Here's one more:

Original ad: I am looking for help moving on June 23rd into my new apartment. We will need to load everything from my old apartment into a truck, and then drive to my new place and unload it. I have a lot of furniture that is very heavy, as well as a big screen tv that is bulky. We will need to lift a lot of this stuff down three flights of stairs since it won't fit in my elevator. I will pay $25/hr.

From Mike Anderson to *********@**********.org

Good afternoon!I saw your ad asking for help moving your furniture into your new apartment. I was wondering if you would be interested in hiring my son. I need him to have a job like this so he can feel better about himself. He has been paralyzed from the neck down for five years now. I always encourage him to do normal things like mow the lawn, take out the trash, etc. so he can still feel important even though he does not have the use of his arms or legs. This job would be a huge boost in his self-esteem and with a little help I am sure he can do it. Please consider him!

MikeFrom ***********@hotmail.com to Me

Mike,I'm sorry, but I don't think this job would be appropriate for your son. A lot of the stuff I need to move is very large and heavy. He sounds like a good kid, but I don't think he would be able to do this. Thanks for the offer, though.

JerryFrom Mike Anderson to ************@hotmail.com

Jerry,I think you are underestimating my son. He can do anything he puts his mind to. I told him I got him a job and he was so excited. Do I really have to go and tell him that the guy changed his mind because he hates handicapped people?

MikeFrom ***********@hotmail.com to Me

Oh man...I don't hate handicapped people. I really just don't see how your son can help, no offense. How can he move anything with his arms and legs? You said he mows the lawn and takes out the trash, how is that even possible?I apologize, but next time you shouldn't tell your son you got him a job before making sure it is ok with the employer.

JerryFrom Mike Anderson to ************@hotmail.com

Jerry,Don't tell me how to raise my son. You don't see me telling you how to move your furniture, do you? You never even met my son, and already you are telling me what he can and can't do. He does a great job mowing the lawn. We tied the lawn mower to the back of his wheelchair and he drags it around. You'd be surprised how much torque that wheelchair has. It makes him feel normal again. I don't have the heart to tell him that he won't be doing this job, so would you be able to come over here and tell him yourself that you hate him and will not hire him? It is the least you could do.Mike

From ***********@hotmail.com to Me

'

You've got to be kidding me. This conversation is over.

Please check out the website! It will keep you laughing for days! :)

You might be a Facebook Douchebag if...

Hello and Happy Wednesday!

Isn't it funny how one website has become so popular that it has become a regular part of the lives of so many people? How many times do you check Facebook every day? AT LEAST twice, right? Do you have the facebook application on your phone? I bet you check status updates randomly throughout the day, am i correct? On that train ride home?

That's alright! In my opinion, Facebook is a good way to keep up with what your friends are doing. It's also a wonderful way to pass the time when you're bored... It's a VERY addictive site.

I like Facebook. I'm not going to pretend like I am a FB hater. Like many of you, I check it out a couple times per day. It keeps me pretty entertained...and some of you come up with the funniest, wittiest status updates, or take the craziest pictures!

HOWEVER...there are a few things that people do on the site that I would classify as "douchey," meaning, 'having characteristics of or pertaining to a douche.'

"But PaulBenjamin, how do I know if you are talking about me? Am I a facebook douchebag?"

Let me help...Here is a small list of things that just may classify you as a facebook douche.

#1. If you give away the results of a Television Show or Event in your status update, then you are a douche. Since we live in the era of Tivo & DVRs, many people don't watch a television program as it is airing. Therefore, I don't want to log on and see your status saying, "OMG...Guido just won Top Chef. I can't believe it!" Thanks for blowing it for me...

#2. If your status update is ALWAYS about how incredible you are, you just might be a tool. What high-end product did you buy today, and how can you make people jealous of it? What fancy trip are you on now and have to tell us what you are doing every 2 minutes? Now, don't get me wrong...I'm ok with you telling us that you are excited about buying something new, or taking a fun trip, but you all KNOW what i mean...the people who constantly rub it in our faces. "Just bought my new $300 Prada sunglasses!" Really? You just couldn't resist leaving it at "happy to be wearing my new sunglasses" could you?

#3. Your profile main photo. You do own clothing, right? I kind of want to get to know you for who you are, not ONLY for what you look like. I mean...that's great that you look amazing and have rock hard abs, or a killer rack, but there really are other websites for that...

#4. Do I know you? You send me a friend request, and I accept it because I remember meeting you out at a party once, or some random different social setting. Then, the next time I see you out, you act like you don't know me. This makes you an instant douchebag.

#5. You may not agree with someone's religion or politics, which is ok. It's great to have different opinions, as they make us question our beliefs and strengthens them. But when you resort to petty name-calling and outrageous behavior, you might be a dilhole...

#6. The Gym Bunny. Of course we all (well...most of us) try to keep in shape and exercise regularly, but if your status update is ALWAYS, "Going to the gym," "...had an amazing workout," or "Drinking a protein shake" ...and never really about anything else, then you most likely are douchey.

#7. You're ALWAYS promoting something! I'm very happy that you have an event coming up, but i didn't accept your friend request ONLY so that you can solicit your products and your $3 you-call-it nights to me. Yes, I'll probably still come (hee hee!), but i would also like to know more about you as a person too...

Now, please...if you are guilty of one or more of these rules, just remember that I am merely here to help you! I admit...I've sinned and have committed facebook douchiness in the past, and who knows...maybe might accidentally do it again in the future. We are not perfect human beings.

All we can do is try to improve, and turn from our 'douchey' ways...

So You Think You're Too Old To Dance?

Hello, Melissa!

'

My favorite thing about the summer television season is the return of Fox's "So You Think You Can Dance." There is just something really awesome about watching a bunch of extremely talented individuals, who have worked hard at their craft for years, get rewarded and showcased on a television show like this.

'

I Do love this show! Watching this program always takes me back to my high school days, when I was performing in musicals, and dancing in programs for "Debbie's Dance Dimensions" studio in DeKalb, IL. Ah... the good old days.

'

I also remember going out dancing at the clubs, and coming up with new moves all the time. I LOVED dance... If you wanted to find me out on a Saturday night, just look on the dancefloor, and there i was! I would spend hours in my bedroom coming up with new moves, or routines to songs. (Shut up! You know most of you did it too!!!)

'

I don't know what happened, but i don't really dance much anymore. I guess I got to a point where I stopped keeping up with what moves are 'hip.' I pictured that old weird guy (and by old, i mean 30...) that always ends up on the dance floor doing moves that were SO last decade! Sure, i still like to go out and tear it up occasionally at a club, but i mostly play it safe, not like my extremely talented buddy Patrick Ray who goes ALL out! The guy has MOVES!

'

Anyway...This year, it is really hard to pick a favorite on SYTYCD, because all 20 are such gifted dancers. However, there are a few stand outs that i hope make it really far. My personal favorite right now is Melissa.

'

Melissa is the oldest dancer on the show at 29 years old, which is pretty ancient in 'dancer years!' At first I thought, oh she seems nice, but probably won't make it very far. BUT, after seeing her dance Wednesday night she became my current favorite! (i say 'current favorite' because my opinion will usually change as the weeks go on.) She danced a beautiful routine with such grace that many of the younger girl contestants wouldn't have been able to pull off.

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So Melissa...YOU GO, GIRL! I really hope you make it far in the competition. You are proof that you can still be a talented dancer in the prime of your career! Hmmm...maybe I will consider dancing again... (Nah! Probably not! I'll save you all from that!)

If you haven't seen it yet, here's the routine she performed with Ade last week...my favorite performance of the week!

Who's having the Best...I mean...WORST Week Ever!

It's Friday again!
And that means that it's time to decide who has had the best week ever! Except...that it turned out to be a pretty CRAPPY week!

In a week that saw the return of the Swine Flu, and cold rainy, October-like weather here in Chicago, I would be going out on a limb to say who's having the best week. (except for my awesome Beach Volleyball team who won all 4 games last Friday night!)

Therefore, here are the Nominees for WORST WEEK EVER!

Carrie Prejean has officially been stripped of her title as Miss California. It turns out, she really was a bitch after all! She put on this innocent little, "I'm a good christian girl" act, but it turns out that's just what it was...an act!
Donald Trump decided to give her the HEAVE-HO after reports surfaced that Ms. "Opposite Marriage Only" told California pageant directors that she was pretty much going to make her own schedule. OH HELL NO!
It also turns out that Carrie is rude, disrespectful and still needs her mom to do most of the work for her. Carrie, read your bible! Follow the commandment that says, "Thou shalt not be a BITCH." (that's in there, right?)

Bret Michaels, everyone's favorite Rocker of Love performed on the Tony Awards this week (WHAT?...Bret on the Tony's?!?!), and after his performance he missed his cue, to find a giant stage piece falling down on top of him! He was knocked to the ground, fractured his nose, and had to get 3 stitches in his lip. Looks like the "Nothing but a Good Time" singer was having too much of a good time, that he forgot where he was supposed to be on stage! That's ok...I'm sure there is a bus full of strippers and sluts waiting to take care of our precious Bret.

Heidi (Montag) Pratt also had a pretty suck-y week! On Monday. Heidi & Spencer were voted back onto "I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here" by their peers, only to leave once again! It was funny the first time, entertaining the second time, but now...it's getting old! We get it, you wanted a publicity stunt! Well, it may have been karma, because this week Heidi got 'so sick' upon returning to the jungle that she had to be rushed to a hospital, thinking that she was suffering from a gastric ulcer. BUT...that's not the worst part. The real pain occurred when fellow contestant, Sanjiya, asked Heidi to sing a little bit from her upcoming album. IT WAS AWFUL! This bitch got a record deal??? WTF! Even Janice Dickinson said she sounded like a 'drowned cat' when she sang...

VH1's weekly Clip show, "Best Week Ever" (and my inspiration for this lovely weekly blog feature) is having a pretty bad week, as it may be on it's way out the door! The show has been put on hiatus and at the very earliest will not be back until January 2010. The program used to be really funny with commentary from many different comedians, skewing the weekly news events. However, the show was retooled with host Paul F. Tompkins late last year, and it just wasn't nearly as funny and people just stopped watching. Hopefully the show will go back to the earlier format, because it SUCKS! I mean, blows hard!!!

For the second year in a row, AOL and Comcast have finished #1 and #2 in Money magazine's "Customer Service Hall of Shame." 45% of the survey respondents gave AOL a poor rating, while 41% gave Comcast the same rating. Your companies SUCK! Get with the program! I mean...is AOL even that relevant anymore? NO. So get with the program before you become extinct! And Comcast, well that's another story. Many areas around the country are only offered one choice in Cable television, so people kind of have to put up with their ridiculousness...or buy a DirecTv. Either way, Congratulations...you both deserve the bad publicity, as well as the rest of the Top 10 on this list!

But the winner of the worst week ever award goes to...


The Celebrity Boy Toy

This week, 2 high profile celebrities broke up with their lesser-known, fame-leaching boyfriends. Paris Hilton has broken up with 'the Hills' star...i mean...cast member Doug Reinhardt after dating for nearly 6 months! Miley Cyrus ended her relationship with underwear model Justin Gaston after nearly 9 months together.

It is debatable, saying that these guys are having the worst week ever, since now they won't have to be attached to these two ridiculous human beings. For most of us, that would be a good thing, right?

Well, not in their case. Clearly, these guys are both hungry for FAME, and by not being in the spotlight anymore, they are going to have to find some other meal ticket! Doug and Justin, because the paparazzi have probably already left you alone, you are having the WORST WEEK EVER!

Kelly Clarkson...What The Heck Are You Singing?

I went for a nice 8 mile run yesterday, and while I was out on the path this song came on my iPod and provided instant inspiration.

It was Kelly Clarkson's, "I Do Not Hook Up."

I was about 6 miles into my run, and the infectious beat was just what I needed for a quick pick me up in order to help me through the final stretch. The song, which poses as a rock song with it's guitar riffs and Kelly's almost-screaming vocals, is a pretty successful pop song...as it fits the criteria for frequent radio airplay.

Since it helped me to pick up my pace, i decided to play it one more time. So, i was still pumped up and getting ready to hear it again, when it hit me:

"What the hell kind of song is this???"

The lyrics to this song are some of the sh*ttiest lyrics I have ever heard! (Seriously...if you haven't heard the song, please youtube it!)

The song is basically an anthem for what the title says; Not hooking up. ????

However, the lyrics are ALL over the place!

First of all, who in their right mind sings a hip, pop/rock song, excited about not getting to hook up? I mean this song comes across like A PARTY! Oh Kelly...Why???

This song is definitely more suited for a Disney star like Miley Cyrus or the Jonas Brothers. (Wait...nevermind about Miley. She's probably been shacking up regularly!)

Check out some of these lyrics:

"Slow motion sparks, you caught that chill;

Now don't deny it

But Boys will be boys, oh yes they will

And I want to define it

Just give up the Game and get into me

If you're looking for thrills then get cold feet"

Ummm...WHAT????

Can someone please translate..or better yet, DECIPHER this for me?

Here's part of the chorus:

"If you want me, I don't come cheap

Keep your head in my hand, your heart on my sleeve."

"I feel the distance between us could be over

with the snap of your finger"

WHAT THE F***???

I mean, I guess i could kind of see what she is trying to say...Maybe I'm just not up to date on my cliches...

Well...clearly Kelly Clarkson, our original wholesome American Idol must've written this song, right?

No! The song was written by Kara DioGuardi, the newest judge on American Idol. Yes, the same Kara who was responsible for the shittious single "No Boundaries" that Kris Allen & Adam Lambert had to suffer through during this year's finale week!

Oh...that explains it!

Kara is also responsible for such AMAZING gems such as, "Screwed," by Paris Hilton and, "L.O.V.E." by Ashlee Simpson.

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She also wrote a song for singer Mya called, "My Bra."

No, I'm not joking...

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Here's a GENIUS lyric from that tune:

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"My strength, my sun, my heart

When it's just too hard to take it

When it's just too hard to make it through another day

You're lifting me up

My bra, my bra, my bra..."

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I sure hope that is slang for something.

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I mean...I know that bras offer support, but I don't think of a bra when I think of trying to survive another day!

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To be fair, yes...Kara has written a couple of 'better' songs (like "Sober" by Pink), so I will give her credit for that...and she does get credit for penning quite a few bubble gum pop tunes that have saturated Top40 radio over the past few years. However, overall her songs are pretty crappy lyrically. (Look them up on Wikipedia...songs written by Kara Dioguardi...you'll see what i mean!)

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But Kelly, you are not off the hook!!!

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You may not have written this peice of sh*t, but you DECIDED TO SING IT!

Nobody put a gun to your head and told you that you had to belt out this song. In fact, I bet you don't even realize what you are singing!

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Not wanting to hook up....What is Wrong with you??? You are an adult now!

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It's a good thing you have "Since U Been Gone" and "Behind These Hazel Eyes" in the bag, young lady!

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I forgive you...simply because the song has such an infectious beat! In fact, now I can't get it out of my head!

Get Out of My Way, You Inconsiderate Jerk!!!

One of the beautiful things about having a blog is that on occasion, I am able to take a moment to rant about pet peeves, or anything that really gets under my skin.

Yes. This is one of those times!

People...how hard is it to WALK TO THE RIGHT?

Seriously. It's like driving. When you stay to the right, everything flows much smoother.

It really isn't that hard of a concept is it? I mean, I am one of the "smarter" people alive today, so it could be that I am just merely expecting people with lower cognitive abilities to rise to my level. If that's it, then I apologize (because I wouldn't want to come across snooty...)

But in any case, it is time for a few Rules of Etiquette when walking down a sidewalk.

First, if you are walking with someone, or a small group of people, PLEASE MOVE when I pass by. It is RUDE to take up the entire width of the sidewalk and make me either step into the grass, or try to scramble to find a way around you. I don't care if you're newly in love and holding hands even. Move Over!

Second, if you are walking your dog and the leash is extended across the entire sidewalk & you have no intention of moving it, then you are ALSO being rude. "But it's my precious, CoCo..." Yeah, I don't give a sh*t, he's in my way! (...and yes, I have stepped on top of leashes before.)

Third...and this one I will be a little more sensitive towards because its easier to be guilty of... Just because someone isn't coming towards you while walking 2 or 3 abreast doesn't mean that someone isn't coming up behind you. As a runner, it is very frustrating to not be able to get by a gaggle of people taking up the entire sidewalk. Please move.

So, really the lesson here is GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY WAY!

Easy. See?

Now that we are all aware of the problem, here are a few things that you can do to get a 'tiny' bit of sweet revenge.

Gotta teach people somehow, right?

#1. The Accidental 'Trip.' If you are getting ready to pass by someone who is coming at you a little too closely, just sort of...extend your left foot out a couple more inches, and watch the stumbling begin! Of course, you can always apologize your way out of this. If the tripee gets defensive just say, "Sorry, i was walking as far to the right as I could to avoid you..."
(I'd wait a few seconds before grinning too big or mumbling *dumbass* under your breath...)

#2. The "Oops...I Didn't Mean to Hit You With My Bag." Many of us carry some kind of bag (shoulder bag, messenger bag, purse, etc.). For those who get a little too close, Don't be afraid to use it! If I am all the way to the right and you are STILL coming towards me, then you might just get a heavy blow into the shoulder. THIS IS YOUR WARNING. Move.

#3. (This is my personal favorite choice.) JUST STOP. That's right; stop walking and just stand there in front of them. This is a nice choice for someone who doesn't want to use violence and it still gets the point across. :)
However, you MUST stand your ground! Don't just stop there and then try to get out of their way a second later. That defeats the purpose! You must Stand Firm, look them in the eye with the look of "are you going to move out of my way, dumba$$?" It is really fun to watch them get indignant, realize they are actually in the wrong, and then fluster out of your way...all in the span of a second or two!

It's really fun.

LOOK, i don't ask for much from my fellow humans, but I do expect common decency and respect. When people are being ignorant or ridiculous, I will continue to call them out on it.

In this country, we stay to the right. We drive on the right, and we walk on the right!

Think of this as a good deed, my public service announcement to you all...

Now, don't get me started on rude bike riders...

Wait...Adam Lambert is Gay?!?!?

I'm going to file this one under...DUH!