Men and Women...I guess it all depends on the way you look at things, but I have to say...I am SO thankful that when my parents were doing the 'Nasty Deed', they decided to try some crazy positions that allowed me to be MALE!
'
That's how that works, right? :)
Look...I do love my women friends, but I am very, very glad that I do not have to go through what y'all do...
This is why being a MAN is better:
*You don't ever have to be pregnant.
*You CAN be elected president. :)
*You can pee anywhere!
*Your last name stays put.
*Chocolate is just another snack...
*You can wear a T-shirt to a water park.
*You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
*Wedding plans just take care of themselves.
*You don't have to wear tampons. THANK GOD!!!
*Car mechanics actually tell you the truth!
*Same work, more pay.
*Wrinkles add character...
*People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
*Wedding dress: $5000 - Tux Rental: $100
*A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
*You can open all your own jars...
*If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
*You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
*The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades!
*You only have to shave your face and neck.
*You can play with toys all your life!
*You don't have to stop and think about which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
*You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
*You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th!
It's NO WONDER men are happier.
Did I miss anything? :)
Ummm, this is MEAN!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's true, yes, but still MEAN!
HAHA!
GREAT! GREAT! GREAT! I am a little biased, but this is your best blogpost yet. LOL! I am sending the link to my girlfriend, or soon to be ex-girlfriend. hahaha
ReplyDeleteYes Paul, that's exactly how it works in determining whether you are born male or female. You are so crazy!
ReplyDeleteOne area women have it better: summer business attire. It's sinful what girls are allowed to wear while I'm baking like a meatloaf! -JBR
ReplyDeleteHad you been born a girl, Paulie, you woulda rocked it either way. :)
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine having to shave my legs on a regular basis. I have a hard enough time getting the energy to shave my face.
ReplyDeleteYou may be right about SOME of these, but I beg to differ with a couple.
ReplyDeleteI can open my own jars, and I know how to turn a nut on a bolt, sir!
We can open our own jars and turn our own bolts we just choose not to so you men can feel wanted and needed!!
ReplyDeleteLOL. This is great. Although, as a gay guy, I find some of the list isn't true. For example, not being able to see wrinkles in my clothes. LOL.
ReplyDeleteJust found your blog...funny stuff
ReplyDeleteI must admitt there are times I shave more than my face and neck..lol
I will be back!
In other news...
ReplyDelete-You're more likely to die earlier
-Your manly-ego won't help you to have a functioning penis after a fairly (in today's standards) early age
-You will never know what unconditional love is because you can't get pregnant
-You'll be facing more health problems because of stress, because you're man and with the ego of yours, you'll be perceived and expected to take care of everything including opening all the jars
-You will feel more like an idiot, when you learn that actually the car mechanics are only making you think like they are telling the truth
yet you will complain or be shocked when you get the bill.
-While thinking the car mechanis are telling you the TRUTH, it is a huge probability that you are completely missing the lies that are told to you by sales people, because "you look very handsaome in it" is sufficient enough for you to buy a clown suit
-You are unaware of the fact that in today's world it is completely up to women to take his spouses last name.
-While you're not wearing tampons and thanking God, you are also complaining and cursing that why your penis is not a bit bigger.
-Same work, more pay, less hair on head
-wrinkles add more character, that is true, however, in fact those wrinkles that add character will actually have direct corellation with the size of your wallet. (i don't see any homeless people, or mediocre older age men getting a constant hit on from women or in your world, from men)
-you can play with toys all the time, not considering women will be playing with toys too all the time too but the main difference will be women will climax after their playtime.
-you will be glad to be a MAN, and make a list of the reasons to justify it, yet you won't have a clue how oxymoron it sounds to mention playing with toys in that list.
-While being proud to have the ability do christmas shopping on 24th for 25 relatives, you are proving a very clear fact that how insensitive you are, and how you don't give a shit about people, while expecting to be given shit from everyone in any occasion.
-You are uable to see that how you present yourself is very important, and actually not being able to see the wrinkles on your clothes makes you look immature, amateur and repulsive
ReplyDelete-You shave only your face and neck, and are unaware of the fact that the rest of your hair on your body comes with B.O., a perceptively small dick and skidmarks...
-People are occupied to stare at your pants in the hope of seeing at least a bit of silhouette of your business
-The hairstyle that lasts for even decades are actually is the wrong style
-You don't stop and think which way to turn a nut on a bolt, but you end up calling the mechanics in the end-who actually tell you the truth !!!-
-You wear shorts no matter how they look, even if they make you look like less of a man, more of a child
-it takes only 1 suitcase for a 5 day vacation, yet you end up carrying 5 more
-you can pee anywhere, but you lack the ability to not to stain your underwear or have drip marks on your trousers.
-chocolate is another snack, yet still get offended if someone asks whether you can see your dick lately under that belly (if it's not already lost in that jungle you're growing around)
-you are all happy that the wedding plans take care of themselves and woo-hoo'ing for a $100 tuxedo, you're unaware that, that wedding dress is to balance your sloppiness and that wedding plans are actually grabbing others attention from your cheap tuxedo. And, if you actually can afford a nicer tuxedo but think that it's just for one day and go with the cheap one, well, since you don't need to stop and think to turn a nut, maybe you can use that time to stop and think that your above mentioned action actually shows your level of respect to your significant(?) other.
-while making that list and trying to prove that you're glad and happier being a man, you're still puzzled why women reject you, and why your spouse cheated on you with another man.
-and last but not least...while you're being glad you are a man think because of that list you wrote, you're happier, you are missing the point that your actual happiness is actually in our hands and we actually make you think those points above and that you're glad to be a man. because, in the end...when we don't take care of you, nourish you, and/or very simply don't spread our legs for you, it is less likely that opening your own jar and your decades long hair, or making a list about them will make you a happier gender...
Wow...
ReplyDeleteTo whoever wrote the last 2 'anonymous' comments, you have just proven my point...
I guess I should've added that I am happy to be a man because I don't FLIP OUT and take people's funny blog posts seriously when I am clearly on the rag..
Oh yeah, I'm also glad that as a man, i don't have to experience 'having my period!'
At least I HOPE you are on your period, and that you aren't always this uptight...
Damn! I cant stand bitches like the one who flipped out on you here. We get it, you're a feminist. I think the blog was intended to be funny. Take a chill pill, Kanye!
ReplyDeleteI truly enjoyed your reading your post, and had some real out loud laughs, and decided to add my points, especially picking the sentences and bending them, from my perspective.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I hope, you'd realize that, the only thing you missed in your post was, jumping on the gun, and calling someone uptight because of that person's response to your post. As I agree that if I didn't forget to add a smiley at the very end, I would like to share my opinion about your response to mine that if you really should tell that you don't have periods, not because of your very defensive and -from my reading and perceiving- uptight reply, but also because of the fact that when most of the gay bars I've been, were like PMS centrals, that it was almost like everyone was so synced and there was a tampon shortage. :) (maybe we both shared them to be uptight?) (please note the smiley in the paragraph and after this sentence :) )
However, you pinpointed one thing by luck. It's indeed that time of the month and there is a tampon up there..
Like you said, this is just a blog, some cyber space that you share/express/word your opinions and thoughts...nothing scientific...So as I continue reading your future posts, and maybe add my avatar to your followers, I hope you continue to make your readers, who are from all very different lifes, backgrounds, experiences and personal opinions, laugh, angry, amazed, annoyed, etc.
Also I hope you can try to be a little less defensive, since you are here to share your personal opinions with people who may or may not be on the same page. As we both experienced just now and can both agree on, people not may read your posts with the same tone you wrote them, just like how you read my response sans-a-smiley, at the end.
Yikes. Angry lesbian on Line 1! Angry lesbian on Line 1! :)
ReplyDeleteAren't you guys being bitchy, offended and defensive, while attacking that girl and blaming her being bitchy, offended and defensive?
ReplyDeletePerhaps I should've also added a smiley or two in my response to you, because as you know...writing a response is different from speaking a response...and can come across in different ways.
ReplyDeleteI was in no way mad or defensive, just trying to continue to be funny (unfortunately, at your expense.) LOL! Anyone who knows me, knows that I rarely ever get mad, or let things get to me.
Also, i enjoy when people actually don't always agree with me, hence, why I decide to let people comment anonymously. Many people are afraid to share a differing view and give their name.
Thanks for continuing to read. I hope I can piss you off...i mean...make you laugh again sometime soon! :)
I completely agree with you. We (people) already have problems with listening, analyzing and understanding one another even during a spoken communication. So it is just natural that it becomes a very fine line, an even a thinner ice, when it comes to today's communication alternatives.
ReplyDeleteIt has become extremely crucial to use some sort of visual/icon help and/or additional explanation to what we wrote/about to write to inform the receiver that it is something funny/serious/important.
And I am not going to lie, when I say we, I am definitely including myself too, but we are so ready to attack and take down (thanks to Katie for her -in fact- a very well observed response) whatever is not going hand-in-hand with what we think/believe/choose.
In one response of mine, just because I didn't add a smiley after several sentences and at the end of my response, and put something opposed to your post which clearly was the opposite of what some of the followers(would) think/agree, I was called a bitch and an angry lesbian by the very same people who were also opposed to my opinions that I expressed.
Well I am not a lesbian, but I have a gay brother, who I experience and suffer with, through everything he has to deal and go through and I, with a lot of people in this, fight for discrimination and degration by what would be called "socially and by majority accepted norms", and unfortunately,to be attacked like this by people, the very same way they are attacked, just because I may not agree with whatever I read, I may not agree one bit, I may not have the same opinion with the them, or even if I really was being nasty and rude, really hurts and discouraging....by the same people, who wants their opinions and ideas should be considered free and equal.
So I would like to thank you Paul, for intentionally or unintentionally being the host of this very incident. And I would like to thank your reader Katie for her observation.
I am not the nicest person in the world, I of course have my moments, that or this time of the month , but I also have come to realize and learn that when you are fighting for your rights and opinions to be accepted and heard, you should also be careful not to dismiss, disregard or degrade others...
There is never going to be world peace, but at least we can find some medium...
Justify it as you may, anonymous girl, but you still sound like a rude bitch. This has nothing to do with being gay or straight, discriminated against or not. I took Paul's observations as being fun with male-female stereotypes, while your comebacks were low-blows.
ReplyDeleteLOL paul how could you not have seen this retaliation coming!
ReplyDeleteWhen I read about the jar and the wrinkles adding character I was thinking- "Bold move. some women are gonna be PISSED!"
But I have to say these intense comments are hilarious.
Donnie, good for you, just because you take it one way doesn't mean everyone else too, or they have to have parallel opinions to yours. As you take Paul's opinions as the so cliche "male-female stereotypes", and mine as low-blows, someone could take his opinions as low-blows too. But, yes, since we all know Paul, let's call everyone who -oh the horror of horrors- does not agree with him. In the mean time, let's all complain about and get mad at other people when their observations are being fun with "gay-lesbian stereotypes"
ReplyDeleteApparently men can have it so much easier, but when it comes to taking it....not so much!
Apparently men can have it so much easier, but when it comes to taking it.... not so much.. hit the nail on the head, just about sums it.
ReplyDelete