Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they came from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like...I know my name. I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem...
* Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
* I hate leaving my house confident and looking good, and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste!
* I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call...
* Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
* LOL has gone from meaning, 'laugh out loud' to 'I have nothing else to say.'
* MapQuest really needs to start their directions at #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
* Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart," all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart."
* I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page document that I swear I did not make any changes to!
* I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle...then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
* "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
* You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day!
* A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the fu. Yeah, if you suck at it!
* Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the 'people you may know' feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
* I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent an a-hole from cutting in at the front.
* Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you HOW the person died.
* I find it hard to believe that there are actually people who get in the shower and THEN turn on the water...
* Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
* There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
* I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
* The other night I ordered takout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included 4 sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least 4 people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fatass before dinner!
This is wonderful! LOL. I can relate to SEVERAL. I think I will highlight a few of these on my own blog. It's good to know I'm not the only one!
ReplyDeleteI hate it when someone says they are street smart. What does that mean? You know how to hire a prostitute and sell drugs? What?
ReplyDeleteMichael, I love your blog, by the way! Very entertaining. :)
ReplyDeleteTOTALLY AGREE!!!!
ReplyDeleteI love your blog - it makes me happy
I do think LOTS of these. Thanks for the funny blog Paulie!
ReplyDeleteI received this in an email yesterday. LOL.. And yes, I can relate to a few.
ReplyDeleteThese r fantastic! =0)
ReplyDeleteThese are great!!!!!!!! Ga-Rate! Why are words spelled differently than they sound! :) Just kididng, that's horrible. Ba-dump-bump. Ching.
ReplyDeleteI always get nervous when I have to say my name in a group setting. I always hope my voice doesn't crack, or my eyes don't cross funny.
ReplyDeleteOh, Matt...
ReplyDeleteI have decided that as of right now, I am not doing anything else productive at work today. HAHA! Love the blog!
ReplyDeleteevery time i read these i laugh because at one point i've thought the same thing! thanks for keepin it real!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Paul Benjamin. I found your blog through a mutual follower of ours on twitter, and just spent about 45 minutes reading through your past postings. You are a very entertaining writer. Just wanted to let you know I think your blog is excellent.
ReplyDeleteIt's like you were reading my mind.
ReplyDeleteMcKenna loves it; we are reading along together and she really agrees with some of the truths you have outlined for us here today :-)
ReplyDeleteWho is that sexy man in the pic?
ReplyDeletePaul - truly a great site. True to life and funny (sometimes a little scary when I read something I've thought about too)
ReplyDeletewww.ruminations.com
ReplyDeleteyou always post things I read like a week ago
ReplyDeleteWell, pin a rose on your nose for reading it quicker!
ReplyDeleteI thought this was brilliant and thought everyone else who hasn't read it yet would enjoy it. Therefore I posted it to MY blog...you know, where I get to choose the content!
If you don't like it, don't read it. :)
I think it's amazing how true this is. I agree with every single one. But especially:
ReplyDelete* LOL has gone from meaning, 'laugh out loud' to 'I have nothing else to say.'
DOWN WITH LOL
Thanks for the laughs
ReplyDelete