Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Need to Cancel Those Plans...?

Today, I am going to share a real GEM with you!

Haven't we all been in situations where sometimes you just don't want to attend that certain event, or you said 'Yes' to a date that now you wish you wouldn't have?

Well, because I am such a nice guy, and an AMAZING friend to all of you, I am going to share my sure-fire secret with all of you on how to get out of the occasion, yet not come across like an asshole.

I have used this excuse 3 times in my life, and every time it has worked like a charm!

All it takes is a little humility on your part...

Are you ready for it?

The next time someone asks why you had to cancel on them, here's what you tell them: "I had Diarrhea."

Oh yes...I'm not kidding...

The excuse of having diarrhea is foolproof! Here's why:

1) Everyone knows what its like to have had diarrhea, or to really have to go to the bathroom. You can't fault someone for not wanting to risk 'messing themselves' in such a public place!

2)Using the excuse of 'diarrhea' is embarrassing for most people. Many of you wouldn't ever THINK about telling someone this!...and that's exactly why it works! Who in their right mind would tell someone that they had diarrhea unless it really was true, right?

and 3) It's hilarious! Diarrhea is such a funny word, that the person who you are telling the excuse to will laugh. Therefore, they can't stay mad at you!

So..I'm serious! Saying you had diarrhea is shocking yet relatable, it's believable, and it brings people's guards down! :)

However, please use this excuse sparingly. I do not give you this classified information lightly!

Like I said...I've used it 3 times, but only every once in a great while. So please, save it for a special occasion.

AND it's only good once in a certain group of friends...Because once you use the excuse, there's a great chance that more people will find out. I mean, this is funny sh*t! Who wouldn't want to tell their friends the excuse you gave them?

Now, that I've shared this with all of you, I won't be able to use it myself now for some time...but that's OK. I would rather share this wonderful information with all of you.

I'm a giver.

Don't worry about paying me back...This one is free.

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to visit the restroom...


  1. HA! you're right, that IS some funny shit! Thanks for the morning laugh!

  2. You've got to be kidding me, right? Paul you've actually used this? Oh my God!

  3. Ok, it's official. I am seriously in love with you. Your blog makes me laugh so hard sometimes. Can i please marry you and you can put me in a good mood whenever I need a good laugh? :)

    Have a good day!

  4. So when you told me you couldn't come to my party last week because you had "Diarrhea" you were just KIDDING?? And to think I sent over that pink bottle of Pepto with a bow on it.

  5. Question: What does the picture of the cute guy have to do with this story? :)

    Love your blog!

  6. HAHA... I am using him to draw people in to the story. :)
    Also...he makes diarrhea look a little less gross and a lot more handsome. LOL!

  7. Thats a shitty excuse if I ever heard one...hahaha

  8. sarah silverman said the same thing a couple of years ago on the vmas before she made fun of paris hilton's vagina.

  9. Ha! I actually used this excuse a lot in college. I stopped using it after I called into work and my boss wrote on the employee board, "Jeremy will not be coming into work today. He has a case of the poos." I got a lot of 'shit' from people after that and its use ceased in my world. :)

    And the picture.

  10. Paul, come on now. Everyone who has ever watched the Brady Bunch knows you just say "something suddenly came up". Oh wait... on second thought I don't think that turned out so well. Now if Marsha had just said she had diarrhea she'd have been in the clear.

  11. I don't think I have the courage to be that forthcoming or descriptive. But, in theory, this approach would allow the other individuals guard down as they don't want to seem crass.

    I guess the standard, "I feel like sh*t" just wouldn't do huh? Gotta go all the way with the "d" word?" LMAO
    Paul, you continue to challenge our cranial cavities. Hope to chat with you soon

  12. You are so stupid, and I love you for it! I didn't even see this coming. Diarrhea? You are so ridiculous!

  13. I will keep that in mind! It makes total sense!

  14. and "I have Diarrhea" statement when you are pulled over by a cop for speeding works like a charm as well...or at least it worked for me

  15. I used to use it at work. Its great and NO FOLLOW UP questions either. You don't even have to pretend to use a sick voice either. Better yet call from the bathroom and make sure to get the echo of the small room into the conversation.

  16. I was going to comment on your post but, ummmm something came up.

  17. Awesome excuse! Be careful there is no woman with the handbag of Everything - she'll be pushing Immodium at you before you know it.

  18. hmmm I have used this one myself...sparingly and works! so Paul, if I asked you out for a date and you did use that line...I would cry ☺

  19. Ummm...Sex and The City had an entire episode on this!