Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Subway, You Have Gotten RIDICULOUS!!

I have to mentally prepare myself to walk into Subway restaurant at lunchtime!

Yeah, that's how frustrating it has gotten!

Look...sometimes all I want is a nice sandwich, with fresh ingredients, but I'm starting to wonder whether it's worth it anymore. Below is a typical exhange between me and a Subway worker:

Employee: "Welcome to Subway. What kind of sandwich?"
Me: (as I am still 8 people down in the line...excuse me sir for having to yell over you...) "Hello, I'll take a footlong Chicken breast on wheat."

Employee: "What was that?"

The employee then gives me a look of, 'why are you yelling at me?'

Finally, I wait patiently for the other 7 people in front of me to start listing their ingredients. When i get up to the counter:

Employee: (holding the wrong bread) "What kind of sandwich?"
Me: "Umm...that's not mine. I asked for wheat."

The employee then pulls out a 6 inch wheat bread.

Me: "I would like the foot long."

Uh oh...Once again, I get a dirty look.
Finally the right bread, the right length, and chicken breasts have all successfully been established! Phew!!!

Employee: "Would you like it toasted?"
Me: "No, thank you..."

In all actuality, I actually WOULD like it toasted, but there is no chance in HELL I am going to risk having the employee forget about my little sandwich in their toaster and leaving it to burn as they start making someone else's lunch! Also, there are 8 of us crammed in this little space already...I do not want to hold up the line anymore than it already is!

Employee: "Lettuce and Tomato?"
Me: "Yes, both."

The employee throws some lettuce on there and then looks up at me...

Me: "And tomato..."

That's ok...she must have a lot on her mind. I'll let it go.
All the while, the guy next to me starts screaming his ingredients over the counter. Please God, do not let the girl making my sandwich get confused and start putting those on my sandwich...

Employee: "What else?"
Me: "I'll take black olives, pickles, banana peppers."

The employee proceeds to put about 4 black olives on my foot long. I watch for a second...She is going to put more on, right? No....

Me: "Can I get a few more black olives?"

Uh oh...death stare comes out again! I didn't realize that black olives were such a hot commodity!

And at this point, the guy next to me has his head OVER the glass case. Sir, please stop breathing all over the ingredients! I know that the glass is pretty much soundproof, which is why the employees can barely hear us, and we continuosly have to repeat ourselves, but please just speak up! Thank you.

There is a little bit of a line hold-up ahead, as the customers in front of me are backed up at the register. However, when i look back across the glass to my employee, she is gone! Where is my sandwich???

Oh...for some reason, she jumped up to a new space on her side of the counter that gave her room to work, yet I am still 6 people deep. I guess it's back to yelling what i want...

Employee: "What else?"
Me: (well...since you still haven't put these ingredients on yet...) "PICKLES AND BANANA PEPPERS"

The employee puts the pickles on. Then looks up at me...


I swear she just gave me a look of 'Why are you ordering one ingredient at a time? I'm not stupid...'

Employee: "Anything else?"
Me: "Yes, salt and pepper...and mustard."

Phew...finally to the end of this torture. The salt and pepper go on fine, but then...oh no...that isn't mustard she just picked up.

That's....that's...oh no...the mayonnaise bottle!

I try to stop her before she globs it on... "No, i said mustar....."

Too late. Mayonnaise has now saturated my otherwise healthy sandwich.

Me: "I wanted mustard."

The employee glares at me with a look of, 'Oops. I know I just f*cked up, but you'll eat it anyway, right? Otherwise I'll get in trouble...'

Look...if it was something small, like her putting onions or something on my sandwich, then i would take it and just pick them off...and get the hell out of there!

BUT...mayonnaise changes the entire sandwich.

So, i watch her toss my sandwich out. Now, we must start over from scratch...

Tomorrow, I'm going to Quiznos!

I shove my way back through the line to get back to the bread area....

Employee: "What kind of bread?"
Me: "Ugh...wheat..."


  1. Five Dollar... Five Dollar Foot Long.

  2. Thank you for your funny, yet accurate story of Subway at lunch time. I was going through it with you. :)

  3. Completely agree. Potbellies is where it's at! You get your very own employee, right in front of you, making your sandwich correctly.

  4. Subway sucks! That's why I don't go there anymore.

  5. So funny! Love your blog, Paul.

  6. Ha!
    Interestingly enough, though I agree with you 100%, your blog had the opposite effect on me. I just went out and got Subway for lunch.

  7. Quizno's Torpedos rock!

  8. The subway on Van Buren on the west side of the library is so much better....it might be worth the three extra blocks!

    I told you I would read your blog once I was "gone!"

  9. Two words- Jimmy John's.

    You are hysterical. I think I've met that employee at a few other establishments as well!

  10. next time say one ingredient at a time. but i agree that there is no instruction sheet on how to order a sandwich at subway.