Monday, August 24, 2009

Things NOT to Eat on a First Date

You know we've all been there!

You score a date with that hottie you've had your eye on, and when the time comes to have to order dinner you pause for a second before ordering from the menu...

Should I really get the stuffed burrito?

On a first date, the other party is taking notice of EVERYTHING - especially what you eat and how you eat it. My rule of thumb for a first date: Order something that guarantees you have to use a fork! Don't order something that you have to pick up with your hands...

If you go into the evening with a list of foods to avoid, it will make the evening easier to manage. came up with a list of foods that you should avoid eating on a first date...and I have to say, i tend to agree!

Things NOT to eat on a first date:

10. Big Mac

McDonald’s? You are on a first date at McDonald’s? This isn’t a serious date is it? You are married or are already in a relationship and this is just a place where no one would ever think to find you. If this is a first date, don’t expect a second. In fact, don’t except your date to be at the table when you return from taking a dunk in the ball pit.

What your date will think of you: Your date will think what the rest of us do: You’re a jackass. Now finish your fries and go home.

9. Milk

It shouldn’t have to be said but never, EVER order anything from the kid’s menu. There is no reason to order milk -- even if you are having a slice of chocolate cake for desert the size of a Prius. Order an after-dinner drink or just a cup of coffee. Grown men don’t drink milk in public!

What your date will think of you: Your date is getting involved with a man-child. A guy who drinks milk with a meal needs a nightlight to sleep and calls mom when he needs his shirt ironed.

8. Vanilla Ice Cream

It’s time for dessert. Your date orders a slice of decadence and you say to the waiter: “I’ll just have a scoop of vanilla ice cream.” Good plan. You’ve got that dominoes tournament with the rest of the boys at the retirement home in the morning and you don’t want to be up all night with a sugar rush. You then continue your story about not being able to find a good pair of socks. Wake your date up, she will want to hear this story.

What your date will think of you: You. Are. Boring. You don’t take risks and you don’t enjoy the finer things in life. Your date sees a relationship -- and possibly sex life -- that will be just as boring as the scoop of vanilla melting in the little cup.

7. Fish Sticks

If you are going to enjoy fish, you should always ask the waiter for the fresh catch of the day or order the fish special. There is nothing special about fish sticks. Oh, that’s so adorable the way you cut them up and dunk them into the tartar sauce. Is that what the other kids in daycare do or did you make that up?

What your date will think of you: You don’t like to try new foods. Fish sticks are the weapon of a mother with a finicky child. You are a pain in the ass when it comes to eating -- or doing anything in life that strays from the normal routine.

6. Lobster

We understand your thought process in ordering: ”If I order the lobster it will look like money is no object. I’ll come off looking like a complete high roller." Good call. Bibs are essential to the high-roller wardrobe. Lobster is a bad idea: You run the risk of looking like a pansy if you can’t crack that sucker open.

What your date will think of you: How could you be a good provider if you can’t bust open a lobster shell? Also, if you can’t always afford the lobster, don’t bother getting it just this once. If your date thinks money is no object to you then they won’t understand why you flipped out just because they ordered another glass of wine, new kitchen or house on the opposite coast. It’s your own fault, Uncle Moneybags.

5. Tacos

Don’t get me wrong, tacos are a fantastic food. Hell, tacos might be the greatest invention since crotchless undies, but tacos make multitasking during a meal impossible. Your focus will be on keeping the taco together and not on charming your date or keeping the discussion going. You’d love to hear more about her job but you need total focus on filling this next shell. You figure an extra scoop of guacamole might set this meal over the edge.

What your date will think of you: You won’t pay any attention to your date when something else is in front of you. It won’t just be something as simple and delicious as a taco: When the game is on TV or you are one level away from beating a video game they know they will be as invisible as those refried beans on your plate you haven’t touched!

4. Corn

Corn is natures’ most annoying food. It’s impossible to digest and finds a way to get lodged in every possible crevice imaginable: in your teeth, in the back of your throat and sometimes up your nose if you try to talk and eat at the same time.

What your date will think of you: You are probably disgusting behind closed doors. You have a ton of nasty habits just waiting to come out once the relationship progresses: teeth picking, nostril cleanings and toenail clipping all while watching television.

3. Buffalo Wings

Buffalo wings are a party and tailgating food that somehow snuck onto every restaurant menu disguised as an appetizer. They are impossible to eat without getting sauce all over your face, and the only way to keep the mess under control is to lick your fingers. The only licking of fingers on the first date should be done at your apartment. They also come in levels of spice that shouldn’t be experimented with on a first date. The last thing you need is to break into a sweat just from a few atomic wings.

What your date will think of you: Your date will think you don’t know the difference between party food and real dinner food. They will see a lifetime of subs, pizza and nachos on all your special occasions. Nothing is a bigger turnoff than imagining your 10-year wedding anniversary with pictures of you pounding beers because you tried the double atomic wings.

2. Salad

Salad as a first or second course is acceptable, but salad as the main course says more about you as a man than the fact that your belt doesn’t match your shoes. It says you’re either worried about your weight (and the last thing your date needs is another person in their life with a weight issue) or it could mean that you really are a complete hog but you’re trying to look civilized. Salad is ridiculously boring. Part of the fun of eating out is sampling each others' meal. You can’t really say: “Wow, try this lettuce. It’s amazing.”

What your date will think of you: A man getting a salad means he is either incredibly vain, incredibly cheap or dirt poor. None of those are attractive qualities in a partner.


1. Soup

First rule of thumb: You never want to eat more or less courses than your date. For example, if your date gets an appetizer, then you should also get an appetizer (sharing is also acceptable). Same goes for soup or salad. There is nothing more uncomfortable than watching someone eat while trying to have a conversation. If you are ordering a first course, avoid every type of soup. Soup is never a good idea on a first date. It’s messy, it’s hot and it’s incredibly hard to eat while maintaining any semblance of coolness. Ever tried to look smooth while shoving ice cubes in your mouth because the top of your mouth is singed? The combo of slumping over and slurping is not a good look. Don’t you dare pick up and sip from that bowl!

What your date will think of you: Your date will think you don’t care about how you look in front of others. If you are willing to sip, slurp, singe, and spill on a first date, imagine how you’ll act the first time you meet your date's friends or parents.


  1. I never thought about what ordering a salad would make you look like. That is a very interesting point. Good to know. I will no longer just get a salad. LOL!

  2. Don't forget about Fried Chicken. It's really messy. I agree with you about ordering something that you need to use a fork.

  3. Hey Paulie, is it ok to take a first date to Chipotle? :)

  4. Can I have a blog on how to get dates? LOLOLOL I'm in total agreement with these pointers. I'm so bummed though, 'cause all of these appear to reside in my top 10. However, and as you so eloquantly indicated, NOT on the first date. Fabstastic work Paul!

  5. What about pancakes? Are they suitable for a first date meal? Or really...any breakfast food for that metter.