WHAT...an incredible weekend! Not only was the temperature here in Chicago close to 70 degrees (!), but I was also able to help a couple of great pals celebrate their birthdays. It was nice to see so many wonderful friends & acquaintances again.
Happy Birthday Curtis, Jason, & Kevin!
Saturday night at the beautious Scarlet bar, I was chatting with someone I hadn't seen in a while and decided to buy him a drink. About 20 minutes later, he hunted me down to reciprocate the gesture.
What a nice guy!
Standing at the bar waiting to be served, this friend of mine (who I will call 'Chris') kept pulling out small wads of dollar bills from his pocket. No joke...just all wadded up like a child would do.
"You need to put that money in your wallet! You are going to lose some of that," I said.
"I don't carry my wallet out to the bars," Chris replied.
Ah, i get it. I mean, that is a pretty smart idea. You never know who could jack your wallet from your pocket if you aren't paying attention...or if you get a little too tipsy and accidentally misplace it. For example, leaving it on the seat of a cab when you are exiting...
Yeah, i get it.
"I don't want to look fat."
I looked at him with that confused, 'are you kidding me' look for a second too long, causing him to feel the need to explain. He said something to the tune of "the wallet makes you look bottom heavy."
First of all, he has a pretty flat ass, so in my opinion, a wallet would probably help! (But that's just me...)
"You should get yourself one of those money clips then." You know, so you won't have to ball it up and not know how much you have left, right?
"No, that will make my pockets look bulky."
He has to be joking.
But for his sake, I let it go... I mean, everyone has their 'things' and this is clearly one of his.
So, you KNOW I went to the bathroom and started examining the back of my wallet-filled jeans in the mirror. Yes, it made my pocket stick out a little more, but did that mean i looked fat? Were people looking at me thinking, 'Damn, look at that fatass walking around!'?
I highly doubt it.
And if they do think that, it's probably not because my rear pocket sticks out a little!
(Most likely it's from the 3 slices of pizza from Piehole! Bokay?!)
Then, i discovered that 'Chris' also only carries his single door key to get back into his house, not the whole keyring.
So, clearly he is dealing with a weight problem. :)
Look...I say, if you have a small ass then carry the fattest wallet possible! I highly doubt that someone who is attracted to you is going to say, "Oh God...look at that HUGE back pocket!"