Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Girl, Just sit down!

I know that it's wrong to laugh at someone else's misfortune, but I just could not contain myself yesterday!

I was coming home from work on the train around 5:30pm.  Luckily I get on the train at an earlier stop in the downtown area, so I was able to snatch one of the last remaining seats. 

We ALL know how precious a commodity getting a seat on the train is during rush hour, right?!

Well, within a couple of stops, the train gets much more full, and people have to stand in the aisle, holding on to the poles, or the bar on the back of the seats.


Little Miss Perfect Lincoln Park Trixie walks on the train in her designer sunglasses, oversized handbag, and 'too good to hold on to a dirty pole' hands.

She struts her way into the middle of the traincar, and immediately almost topples over once it jerks forward.
Her face was priceless!

I guess then she realized that she should probably hold on to something.

So she does, managing to place a couple of fingers elegantly on the bar.  Except, she stands facing forward.  I mean...come on, have you ever been on a train before?

Somehow she doesn't seem to pick up on the fact that everyone else in the middle section is standing sideways, which balances you by allowing you to shift weight from leg to leg. 

I was planning on reading some of the book that I brought with me, but the shit-show that I was in for was much more entertaining...

So for a good 5 minutes, I was enjoying one of the FUNNIEST sights I've ever seen on a train!  She was constantly jerking backward...and then forward...and her high heels were stumbling all over.

You would've thought she was drunk!

And to make matters worse, she pulls her cellphone out of her bag in an attempt to make herself look calm and comfortable, as if everyone else was looking just as ridiculous amazing as she did!

I swear, she crashed into the same guy about 6 times, and every single time she said "Oh, sorry" as if it was the first!

HAHAHA... I know what you are thinking.  Paulbenjamin, why didn't you get up to offer her your seat? 

I did.  Well...not at first, because I was having such a great time chuckling with the guy in the seat next to me about what a great performance we were watching! 

Also...How do you make it look like you aren't offering up the seat to her because she simply looked RIDICULOUS?  It's not like she was elderly, or pregnant.  She would've known something was up!

But...of course my guilt got the best of me.

So, at the next train stop, I looked up into her 'bug-eyed' sunglasses & expressionless face to ask, "Would you like a seat?"

Somehow, even though she had to look down at me, she still managed to lift her nose in the air.  It really was remarkable, and it was a look that I can't explain.  Now, THAT'S talent!

With a forced smile, she said, "No thank you."

I said OK, and gladly inched my way back down into my comfortable seat.  I tried, right?

Well, she remained fairly entertaining after that.  Even though she kept facing forward, she spread her legs far enough apart to remain mostly still.

Someone else offered a seat to her as well, and she continued to refuse it.

I'm telling you...she was a sight to see!  A HOT MESS!

And clearly I wasn't the only one enjoying this, because when she got off at the Fullerton stop (imagine that!) the other people on the train all started looking at each other and smiling, some even audibly laughing. 

So, do you think she realized that she looked a little out-of sorts? 
Or the better question...Do you think she even cares?

Probably not.
But it made my evening, that's for sure.


  1. You're a really good storyteller. Keep up the great work!

  2. I have seen random people falling all over the place on the train before too. I'm surprised she didn't just hang out by the train door and block the way for everyone else trying to get through. Good post!

  3. You see it all on the train, don't you?! I get on at the 2nd stop so I always get a seat too. Which is good because I ride almost to the end. Maybe we need to write a pamphlet on how to ride a train?

  4. I hate people like this! I too hate grabbing onto anything on the train or bus because of the urine left over from some homeless guy. But I'd rather suffer through these 30 minutes than make love to car floor. I give you credit for offering up your seat. I never give my seat up unless they're old, pregnant or disabled. Especially to some 'Olivia from The City' wannabe.

  5. Olivia from 'The City' is exactly how I would've described someone like her. Good call!

  6. I can picture this girl and the whole scenario that you described. I thought everyone knew your supposed to stand sideways on the train. Der

  7. I imagined Olivia from "The City" as well! I don't understand why (or even how) women wear heels on the train. Half of them can't walk in them to begin with, let alone walking thru the car to find a seat or spot to stand while it's moving. We've all accidentally bumped into someone from the train jerking or abruptly stopping, but this girl was just bringing it on herself! That's why I always wear flats on the train and throw on a pair of heels at work! :-)

  8. such a funny story....I ride the train into the city alot, Oh the things I've seen....I never end up reading my

  9. Bwwwwaaahaahhaa! I miss trixietown. We really stand out in hippieville. NO ONES TOO GOOD FOR THE POLE!

  10. Paul!

    This is exactly why I take my time getting home and always try taking a later train to avoid the rush hour crowds!