Friday, October 2, 2009

Are You Feeling Smart Yet?


Question:  If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer:  "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
Miss America 1995
Heather Whitestone



"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I
cant help but cry.  I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not
with all those flies and death and stuff."
Mariah Carey



"Smoking kills.  If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
(During an interview to become spokesperson
for federal anti-smoking campaign.)
Brooke Shields



"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
former President
Bill Clinton



"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
Philadelphia Phillies Manager
Danny Ozark



"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.  It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
ex-Vice President
Al Gore



"Can I Get a Boniva?"
"Don't Threaten ME with a good time!"
Blogger Extraordinare
Paul Benjamin



"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
University of Kentucky Basketball Forward
Winston Bennett



"We don't necessarily discriminate.  We simply
exclude certain types of people."
ROTC Instructor
Colonel Gerald Wellman



"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football.  A genius
is a guy like Norman Einstein."
NFL Quarterback
Joe Theisman



"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest
crime rates in the country."
Washington DC Mayor
Marion Barry



"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
A congressional candidate in Texas



"Your food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we received notice that
you passed away.  May God bless you.  You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
Greeneville, South Carolina
Department of Social Services

9 comments:

  1. Mariah Carey is a real genius!

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  2. Leave it to social services...if there is a change in your circumstances...LOL

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  3. I love these! Such true words of wisdom. By the way, I got some Boniva waiting for you in Minneapolis.

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  4. You put your own picture in here? HAHA! I love it.

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  5. Britney Spears when asked about the perks of being famous: "I get to go to a lot of overseas places, like Canada."

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  6. Paul I have a surprise for you, please go check it out

    http://noexcusenoexplanation.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  7. Paul!

    Hee hee hee. These made me laugh! Just what I needed.

    Oh that Mariah Carey is a class act, isn't she? In her defense, I don't like flies much myself.

    -Dean

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