Thursday, October 15, 2009

Please Don't Make Me Listen to That...

How do I say this in the nicest way possible?  Hmmm...
I don't want to come across as mean, or rude, but,


There.  I said it!

I know, I know...That makes me sound evil, but I'm sorry!  I hate the sound of children singing.  Always have.  Even when I was a kid, I couldn't stand it!

Please, Don't ask me to listen to your child belt out a number.  There is nothing worse than when a co-worker or friend makes the whole room stop for us to listen to the new song that Susie learned.  I know, Susie is the cutest little girl in the whole world, but I would rather listen to nails on a chalkboard than to hear that amazing frail little voice sing the entire Star-Spangled Banner.

Seeing a kid perform in a Talent Show?  UGH!
Kids Karaoke?   The WORST!
Going to a musical for kids under Junior High Age?   OH GOD NO!!!

Now...i honestly don't mind it when a kid is in his/her room, singing a random song about 'pooping their pants' or something.  I can handle that...  and it's kind of funny.  :)

But listening to a child perform?  Are you kidding me?

Hey Ellen, Oprah, Jay Leno and whoever else puts child musical stars on their talk shows...  I know that you are trying to win over the mothers as fans, so I get it.  However, I can't help but wonder whether you are ready to claw out your eyeballs too when these young'uns are booked as guests on your shows.

Even when a 9 year-old DOES have a great, mature-sounding voice for their age, they still don't have a clue what they are singing about!  When a 6 year-old girl gets up on stage and belts out an emotional anthem like "All By Myself" or "I Will Always Love You" and smiles the entire way through it, oh God...where is the remote control?!?

I would love to believe that this 6-year old has lived enough life to feel the emotions that they are singing about. 

Have you heard of "Kidz Bop?"  It's this album full of modern-day radio hits, but they are sung by children (I guess children like hearing other children sing.)  You gotta love the children's version of "When I Grow Up" by the Pussycat Dolls!

They also do a version of "Just Dance" by Lady Gaga.  There is just something a little sick and twisted about hearing a adolescent sing the line, "wish I could shut my playboy mouth..."

Look.  There is always a chance that I will have a child of my own one day, and I will be SO in love with him/her that I will learn to enjoy the over-pronunciated lyrics and the Britney Spears imitations. 

But, I doubt it.

And when my child would perform in school musicals or holiday performances, I would definitely be there to support him/her, but inside I will probably be wishing that my kid had helped design the set or worked on lighting or something...

By the way...Did I tell you that I love YOUR child though?   :)


  1. THANK YOU! I could NOT agree more. I'm glad someone had the balls to say it. HA!

  2. Oh, you're going to get some comments on this one! LOL! I agree with you and all, but I'm just saying. :)

  3. HAHA! That is hilarious! I love it.

  4. I could not agree with you more!! When parents make their kids sing for groups, I want to run screaming. And most of the TV performances are not good. And certain songs just should not be sung by a 6 year old. Thanks for bringing this to light!

  5. Ok, as someone who now has a child of my own I have to say that she can do no wrong in my eyes. However, I do see how annoying it can be to other people. So I promise to never make you sit through listening to Kailey sing. :)

  6. You are always such a nice person, that I actually like it when your 'fiesty' side comes out! Good post!

  7. Paul, I never really thought about this but I completely agree!


  9. I am officially mad at you!!!
    Ok, I'm not mad, but I thought you loved my little sweetie with all of your heart. :)

    Fine! I won't invite you to the Holiday pageant.

  10. Now, actually, I think my kid singing "Cherry Pie" (clearly my not-quite-4-year-old has no clue about the words) while "rockin out" in Guitar Hero is pretty damn funny. He also sings "Santaria" and "Eye of the Tiger." I agree, in principle, though--I refuse to watch the video on FB of all the little girls singing the National Anthem...

    :) Too funny, Paul! Amyhope

  11. OMG! I thought I was the only one...last week when Ellen had that little girl playing the piano and singing a song she wrote, while everyone else was giving her a standing o...I just wanted to plug my ears with as much cotton as possible.....thanks for saying what some of us were not brave enough to say;)

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