One of the beautiful things about having a blog is that on occasion, I am able to take a moment to rant about pet peeves, or anything that really gets under my skin.
Yes. This is one of those times!
People...how hard is it to WALK TO THE RIGHT?
Seriously. It's like driving. When you stay to the right, everything flows much smoother.
It really isn't that hard of a concept is it? I mean, I am one of the "smarter" people alive today, so it could be that I am just merely expecting people with lower cognitive abilities to rise to my level. If that's it, then I apologize (because I wouldn't want to come across snooty...)
But in any case, it is time for a few Rules of Etiquette when walking down a sidewalk.
First, if you are walking with someone, or a small group of people, PLEASE MOVE when I pass by. It is RUDE to take up the entire width of the sidewalk and make me either step into the grass, or try to scramble to find a way around you. I don't care if you're newly in love and holding hands even. Move Over!
Second, if you are walking your dog and the leash is extended across the entire sidewalk & you have no intention of moving it, then you are ALSO being rude. "But it's my precious, CoCo..." Yeah, I don't give a sh*t, he's in my way! (...and yes, I have stepped on top of leashes before.)
Third...and this one I will be a little more sensitive towards because its easier to be guilty of... Just because someone isn't coming towards you while walking 2 or 3 abreast doesn't mean that someone isn't coming up behind you. As a runner, it is very frustrating to not be able to get by a gaggle of people taking up the entire sidewalk. Please move.
So, really the lesson here is GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY WAY!
Now that we are all aware of the problem, here are a few things that you can do to get a 'tiny' bit of sweet revenge.
Gotta teach people somehow, right?
#1. The Accidental 'Trip.' If you are getting ready to pass by someone who is coming at you a little too closely, just sort of...extend your left foot out a couple more inches, and watch the stumbling begin! Of course, you can always apologize your way out of this. If the tripee gets defensive just say, "Sorry, i was walking as far to the right as I could to avoid you..."
(I'd wait a few seconds before grinning too big or mumbling *dumbass* under your breath...)
#2. The "Oops...I Didn't Mean to Hit You With My Bag." Many of us carry some kind of bag (shoulder bag, messenger bag, purse, etc.). For those who get a little too close, Don't be afraid to use it! If I am all the way to the right and you are STILL coming towards me, then you might just get a heavy blow into the shoulder. THIS IS YOUR WARNING. Move.
#3. (This is my personal favorite choice.) JUST STOP. That's right; stop walking and just stand there in front of them. This is a nice choice for someone who doesn't want to use violence and it still gets the point across. :)
However, you MUST stand your ground! Don't just stop there and then try to get out of their way a second later. That defeats the purpose! You must Stand Firm, look them in the eye with the look of "are you going to move out of my way, dumba$$?" It is really fun to watch them get indignant, realize they are actually in the wrong, and then fluster out of your way...all in the span of a second or two!
It's really fun.
LOOK, i don't ask for much from my fellow humans, but I do expect common decency and respect. When people are being ignorant or ridiculous, I will continue to call them out on it.
In this country, we stay to the right. We drive on the right, and we walk on the right!
Think of this as a good deed, my public service announcement to you all...
Now, don't get me started on rude bike riders...