Wednesday, June 17, 2009

You might be a Facebook Douchebag if...

Hello and Happy Wednesday!

Isn't it funny how one website has become so popular that it has become a regular part of the lives of so many people? How many times do you check Facebook every day? AT LEAST twice, right? Do you have the facebook application on your phone? I bet you check status updates randomly throughout the day, am i correct? On that train ride home?

That's alright! In my opinion, Facebook is a good way to keep up with what your friends are doing. It's also a wonderful way to pass the time when you're bored... It's a VERY addictive site.

I like Facebook. I'm not going to pretend like I am a FB hater. Like many of you, I check it out a couple times per day. It keeps me pretty entertained...and some of you come up with the funniest, wittiest status updates, or take the craziest pictures!

HOWEVER...there are a few things that people do on the site that I would classify as "douchey," meaning, 'having characteristics of or pertaining to a douche.'

"But PaulBenjamin, how do I know if you are talking about me? Am I a facebook douchebag?"

Let me help...Here is a small list of things that just may classify you as a facebook douche.

#1. If you give away the results of a Television Show or Event in your status update, then you are a douche. Since we live in the era of Tivo & DVRs, many people don't watch a television program as it is airing. Therefore, I don't want to log on and see your status saying, "OMG...Guido just won Top Chef. I can't believe it!" Thanks for blowing it for me...

#2. If your status update is ALWAYS about how incredible you are, you just might be a tool. What high-end product did you buy today, and how can you make people jealous of it? What fancy trip are you on now and have to tell us what you are doing every 2 minutes? Now, don't get me wrong...I'm ok with you telling us that you are excited about buying something new, or taking a fun trip, but you all KNOW what i mean...the people who constantly rub it in our faces. "Just bought my new $300 Prada sunglasses!" Really? You just couldn't resist leaving it at "happy to be wearing my new sunglasses" could you?

#3. Your profile main photo. You do own clothing, right? I kind of want to get to know you for who you are, not ONLY for what you look like. I mean...that's great that you look amazing and have rock hard abs, or a killer rack, but there really are other websites for that...

#4. Do I know you? You send me a friend request, and I accept it because I remember meeting you out at a party once, or some random different social setting. Then, the next time I see you out, you act like you don't know me. This makes you an instant douchebag.

#5. You may not agree with someone's religion or politics, which is ok. It's great to have different opinions, as they make us question our beliefs and strengthens them. But when you resort to petty name-calling and outrageous behavior, you might be a dilhole...

#6. The Gym Bunny. Of course we all (well...most of us) try to keep in shape and exercise regularly, but if your status update is ALWAYS, "Going to the gym," "...had an amazing workout," or "Drinking a protein shake" ...and never really about anything else, then you most likely are douchey.

#7. You're ALWAYS promoting something! I'm very happy that you have an event coming up, but i didn't accept your friend request ONLY so that you can solicit your products and your $3 you-call-it nights to me. Yes, I'll probably still come (hee hee!), but i would also like to know more about you as a person too...

Now, please...if you are guilty of one or more of these rules, just remember that I am merely here to help you! I admit...I've sinned and have committed facebook douchiness in the past, and who knows...maybe might accidentally do it again in the future. We are not perfect human beings.

All we can do is try to improve, and turn from our 'douchey' ways...


  1. Paul - RIGHT ON!!! I couldnt agree More...2, 3 and 6 are totally my biggest pet peeves! Good writing, and glad im not the only one who thinks this!


  2. You are sooo talking about me on was an accident! and I didn't actually give away any pertinant info!!!

  3. Interestingly enough- I don't think I commit the faux pas too often. I mean, yes, I go to the gym, and I travel. But I like to mix it all up with some hilarity, comedy, and genuine awesomness. :-)

  4. Very good! This is great stuff. I'm a little douchey sometimes myself. I'll try to improve. BUT, be careful... I am just warning that if too often people point out the douchiness of others on facebook, the teacher may become the master of douchiness. You're not, of course, just consider the possibility. Love this blog. It has been fun to read!!

  5. Which is worse a Facebook Douchebag or somebody that would post "OMG Patty won on I am a Celebrity, Get me out of here" on a blog comment?
    Timothy Ryan Teater!

  6. Hmmm, well...considering that Patty didnt win anything, then I guess being a Facebook Douchebag would be worse...

  7. Love it! I can't stand any of these, especially number 6. Another douchey move is updating your status to post comments and links to Mafia Wars every ten minutes...c'mon!

  8. too funny! thankfully I learned my lession about #1! You forgot the kind of douches that fill out one of this stupid surveys every 5 if you were a soda what kind would you be? what kinda of ice cream would you be?
    BTW..i'd be diet dr pepper and mint chocolate chip...hahaaaaaaa

  9. I absolutely love this! You rock, Paul! And, and yes, I'm occasionally douchy. -ethan.

  10. You forgot #8. If you fill up my entire page with pointless quizzes and then brag about the answers, as if the results are scientific.

    I spend more time hiding all of those annoying quizzes...

  11. You continue to excel at this PB....I'm amused, amazed, and in the case of today's topic, guilty. I shall solemly swear to uphold the laws and regulations of Paul.....fabstastic!

  12. HAHA! Thanks Troy, I am glad that you've seen the light!

  13. You amazingly nailed facebook Douches! I have one to add to your list, what about people who use their facebook status to send cryptic messages to exs or to a frenemy.

  14. #8 I don't want to hear when everyone is getting their iphones...who cares? I don't care how much longer you have to wait till your two year agreement expires...I don't want a daily count down like its 1999!

  15. Corollary to #4: We met once for 13 seconds in a crowded bar and you try to friend me on Facebook but your profile photo is of a Smurf or a naked fat lady or a Star Trek graphic and you've blocked all your other information so I have no way of remembering who you are.

  16. HAHAHA!
    Jake, you are so right! That has happened to me on occasion. And then the person gets mad that i didn't add them.

    And Anonymous above Jake...Oh man, you are correct! I am tired of seeing updates on the new iphone. Really people? Do you really not have that much of a life that you're main excitement is the new iphone? How much different can it be from the old one? Ugh...

  17. It's going to be finish of mine day, but before ending I am reading this great post to increase my know-how.

    Here is my blog; Louis Vuitton Outlet Online

  18. Thanks for finally talking about > "You might be a Facebook Douchebag if..." < Liked it!

    Stop by my web-site - Evgeni Malkin Jersey Authentic Evgeni Malkin Jersey Evgeni
    Malkin Authentic Jersey Evgeni Malkin Black Jersey Evgeni Malkin Jersey

  19. Hi there, I found your website by the use of Google whilst searching for a related subject, your web site got here up, it looks
    good. I've bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
    Hi there, just become aware of your weblog through Google, and found that it's truly informative.

    I am going to watch out for brussels. I will appreciate in
    the event you continue this in future. Lots of other
    people shall be benefited out of your writing. Cheers!

    Feel free to visit my web site -

  20. My family always say that I am wasting my time here at net, except I know I
    am getting experience every day by reading such pleasant content.

    Also visit my page: Cheap Jerseys

  21. Great post however I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this subject?

    I'd be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit further. Thank you!
    swag socials

  22. You can certainly see your skills within the article you write.
    The world hopes for more passionate writers like you who aren't afraid to mention how they believe. Always go after your heart.

    Look into my page

  23. Hello! I've been following your blog for some time now and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from Houston Tx! Just wanted to tell you keep up the excellent job!

    Also visit my blog post ... Louis Vuitton Handbags

  24. For newest information you have to pay a quick visit internet and on the web I found this web
    site as a best site for most up-to-date updates.

    Visit my page - Cheap NFL Jerseys

  25. It's a pity you don't have a donate button! I'd without a doubt donate to this brilliant blog! I suppose for now i'll settle
    for bookmarking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account.
    I look forward to brand new updates and will talk about this site with my Facebook group.
    Talk soon!

    My webpage Air Max Pas Cher

  26. Heya i am for the primary time here. I found this board and I find It really useful
    & it helped me out much. I hope to provide something back and help
    others like you helped me.

    My web page Gafasč½Oakley Baratas

  27. Pretty great post. I simply stumbled upon your weblog and
    wanted to say that I have truly enjoyed surfing around your weblog posts.
    After all I'll be subscribing to your rss feed and I am hoping you write once more very soon!

    Also visit my web blog :: Sac A Main Louis Vuitton

  28. I do not even know the way I stopped up right here, but I thought this submit was once great.
    I don't realize who you are but certainly you are going to a well-known blogger in the event you aren't already.

    Feel free to visit my website; website

  29. My partner and I stumbled over here from a different web address and thought
    I should check things out. I like what I see
    so now i am following you. Look forward to exploring your web page repeatedly.

    Feel free to visit my website: helpful resources

  30. This is really interesting, You are a very skilled blogger.
    I have joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more of your magnificent post.

    Also, I have shared your site in my social networks!

    my weblog - continue reading

  31. Good replies in return of this question with genuine arguments and
    explaining the whole thing regarding that.

    Also visit my web-site :: Borse Gucci

  32. Appreciating the time and effort you put into your blog and detailed information you provide.

    It's awesome to come across a blog every once in a while that isn't the
    same out of date rehashed material. Wonderful read!
    I've bookmarked your site and I'm adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.

    Here is my page; Soldes Air Jordan - -

  33. This is very attention-grabbing, You're an overly professional blogger. I have joined your feed and sit up for looking for more of your great post. Also, I have shared your website in my social networks

    Also visit my website ... Kevin Durant Shoes

  34. Hey! Someone in my Facebook group shared this website with us so I
    came to give it a look. I'm definitely loving the information. I'm bookmarking and will be tweeting this
    to my followers! Excellent blog and great style and design.

    My web site; Air Max Femme