Wednesday, June 17, 2009

You might be a Facebook Douchebag if...

Hello and Happy Wednesday!

Isn't it funny how one website has become so popular that it has become a regular part of the lives of so many people? How many times do you check Facebook every day? AT LEAST twice, right? Do you have the facebook application on your phone? I bet you check status updates randomly throughout the day, am i correct? On that train ride home?

That's alright! In my opinion, Facebook is a good way to keep up with what your friends are doing. It's also a wonderful way to pass the time when you're bored... It's a VERY addictive site.

I like Facebook. I'm not going to pretend like I am a FB hater. Like many of you, I check it out a couple times per day. It keeps me pretty entertained...and some of you come up with the funniest, wittiest status updates, or take the craziest pictures!

HOWEVER...there are a few things that people do on the site that I would classify as "douchey," meaning, 'having characteristics of or pertaining to a douche.'

"But PaulBenjamin, how do I know if you are talking about me? Am I a facebook douchebag?"

Let me help...Here is a small list of things that just may classify you as a facebook douche.

#1. If you give away the results of a Television Show or Event in your status update, then you are a douche. Since we live in the era of Tivo & DVRs, many people don't watch a television program as it is airing. Therefore, I don't want to log on and see your status saying, "OMG...Guido just won Top Chef. I can't believe it!" Thanks for blowing it for me...

#2. If your status update is ALWAYS about how incredible you are, you just might be a tool. What high-end product did you buy today, and how can you make people jealous of it? What fancy trip are you on now and have to tell us what you are doing every 2 minutes? Now, don't get me wrong...I'm ok with you telling us that you are excited about buying something new, or taking a fun trip, but you all KNOW what i mean...the people who constantly rub it in our faces. "Just bought my new $300 Prada sunglasses!" Really? You just couldn't resist leaving it at "happy to be wearing my new sunglasses" could you?

#3. Your profile main photo. You do own clothing, right? I kind of want to get to know you for who you are, not ONLY for what you look like. I mean...that's great that you look amazing and have rock hard abs, or a killer rack, but there really are other websites for that...

#4. Do I know you? You send me a friend request, and I accept it because I remember meeting you out at a party once, or some random different social setting. Then, the next time I see you out, you act like you don't know me. This makes you an instant douchebag.

#5. You may not agree with someone's religion or politics, which is ok. It's great to have different opinions, as they make us question our beliefs and strengthens them. But when you resort to petty name-calling and outrageous behavior, you might be a dilhole...

#6. The Gym Bunny. Of course we all (well...most of us) try to keep in shape and exercise regularly, but if your status update is ALWAYS, "Going to the gym," "...had an amazing workout," or "Drinking a protein shake" ...and never really about anything else, then you most likely are douchey.

#7. You're ALWAYS promoting something! I'm very happy that you have an event coming up, but i didn't accept your friend request ONLY so that you can solicit your products and your $3 you-call-it nights to me. Yes, I'll probably still come (hee hee!), but i would also like to know more about you as a person too...

Now, please...if you are guilty of one or more of these rules, just remember that I am merely here to help you! I admit...I've sinned and have committed facebook douchiness in the past, and who knows...maybe might accidentally do it again in the future. We are not perfect human beings.

All we can do is try to improve, and turn from our 'douchey' ways...

35 comments:

  1. Paul - RIGHT ON!!! I couldnt agree More...2, 3 and 6 are totally my biggest pet peeves! Good writing, and glad im not the only one who thinks this!

    -Kiel

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  2. You are sooo talking about me on #1...it was an accident! and I didn't actually give away any pertinant info!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Interestingly enough- I don't think I commit the faux pas too often. I mean, yes, I go to the gym, and I travel. But I like to mix it all up with some hilarity, comedy, and genuine awesomness. :-)

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  4. Very good! This is great stuff. I'm a little douchey sometimes myself. I'll try to improve. BUT, be careful... I am just warning that if too often people point out the douchiness of others on facebook, the teacher may become the master of douchiness. You're not, of course, just consider the possibility. Love this blog. It has been fun to read!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Which is worse a Facebook Douchebag or somebody that would post "OMG Patty won on I am a Celebrity, Get me out of here" on a blog comment?
    peace.
    Timothy Ryan Teater!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hmmm, well...considering that Patty didnt win anything, then I guess being a Facebook Douchebag would be worse...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Love it! I can't stand any of these, especially number 6. Another douchey move is updating your status to post comments and links to Mafia Wars every ten minutes...c'mon!

    ReplyDelete
  8. too funny! thankfully I learned my lession about #1! You forgot the kind of douches that fill out one of this stupid surveys every 5 minutes..like if you were a soda what kind would you be? what kinda of ice cream would you be?
    BTW..i'd be diet dr pepper and mint chocolate chip...hahaaaaaaa

    ReplyDelete
  9. I absolutely love this! You rock, Paul! And, and yes, I'm occasionally douchy. -ethan.

    ReplyDelete
  10. You forgot #8. If you fill up my entire page with pointless quizzes and then brag about the answers, as if the results are scientific.

    I spend more time hiding all of those annoying quizzes...

    ReplyDelete
  11. You continue to excel at this PB....I'm amused, amazed, and in the case of today's topic, guilty. I shall solemly swear to uphold the laws and regulations of Paul.....fabstastic!

    ReplyDelete
  12. HAHA! Thanks Troy, I am glad that you've seen the light!

    ReplyDelete
  13. You amazingly nailed facebook Douches! I have one to add to your list, what about people who use their facebook status to send cryptic messages to exs or to a frenemy.

    ReplyDelete
  14. #8 I don't want to hear when everyone is getting their iphones...who cares? I don't care how much longer you have to wait till your two year agreement expires...I don't want a daily count down like its 1999!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Corollary to #4: We met once for 13 seconds in a crowded bar and you try to friend me on Facebook but your profile photo is of a Smurf or a naked fat lady or a Star Trek graphic and you've blocked all your other information so I have no way of remembering who you are.

    ReplyDelete
  16. HAHAHA!
    Jake, you are so right! That has happened to me on occasion. And then the person gets mad that i didn't add them.

    And Anonymous above Jake...Oh man, you are correct! I am tired of seeing updates on the new iphone. Really people? Do you really not have that much of a life that you're main excitement is the new iphone? How much different can it be from the old one? Ugh...

    ReplyDelete
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